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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mum-I-Am View Post
    What did you say to her?
    I told her I love her, and that I want things to stay the same as they have been and not move in with us for now but maybe one day but I don't know when.

  2. #12
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    Tbh it sounds like she was disappointed and upset.
    But... if her way to react to a mature discussion is to flounce out and then ignore messages, I think you’ve done the right thing.

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    atomicmama (30-04-2019),Calstar (27-04-2019),Mason98 (28-04-2019),MLadyEm (27-04-2019),Mod-Uniquey (28-04-2019),Mum-I-Am (27-04-2019),Yogis Mumma (27-04-2019)

  4. #13
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    She might just need some time to process.

    Did you tell her why you want things to stay the same? That might help.

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  6. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mamasupial View Post
    She might just need some time to process.

    Did you tell her why you want things to stay the same? That might help.
    I didn't, but she didn't ask either and I'm not sure I fully know why either.

    I still haven't heard from her

  7. #15
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    I agree with @Mod-LIKE A BOSS while she may be disappointed she isn’t handling things very well.

    Such a shame but good on you for being honest.

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    Calstar (27-04-2019),Mason98 (28-04-2019),Mod-LIKE A BOSS (27-04-2019)

  9. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mason98 View Post
    I told her I love her, and that I want things to stay the same as they have been and not move in with us for now but maybe one day but I don't know when.
    What’s the reason you don’t want her to move in with you guys. She obviously loves you both enough to want to move forward with your lives together. She loves your ds and is a positive influence for him and most likely a better mum role model then his biological one. You said a few weeks ago you where having trouble with getting someone to look after him at night when your working. What happens if you want to love forward with your career in a management role and your constantly paying. There has to be an under lying reason as to why you can’t move forward but she can and wants to. But if she doesn’t respond to you are you prepared for her to walk about from you both and lose her

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  11. #17
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    I think I already have lost her.

    She used to look after him sometimes when I was at work, I don't know how I'll replace that.

    I don't know why I can't just let her move in, every time I think about it I freak out I start getting anxious. I don't know why

  12. #18
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    Default Conflicted

    If you’ve lost her by being honest, then it sounds like she wasn’t mature enough to move forward anyway.
    I don’t want to sound flippant. I’m sure you’re both hurting a lot right now.
    But no questions or conversations, to just leave and not respond, is incredibly immature.
    Last edited by Mod-LIKE A BOSS; 27-04-2019 at 21:43. Reason: Too long winded!

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  14. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mason98 View Post
    I think I already have lost her.

    She used to look after him sometimes when I was at work, I don't know how I'll replace that.

    I don't know why I can't just let her move in, every time I think about it I freak out I start getting anxious. I don't know why
    Could it be that you are having some negative associations of living with someone due to past bad experiences (your sons mum for example?) and this is your way of protecting yourself from being hurt or ‘abandoned’, not just you but your son too.

    I ask because when my husband and I split and I met someone else, he was eager for me and my daughter to live with him (we had been dating about a year). I loved him, he was an amazing guy and was amazing with my daughter. But something held me back. I told him it was because I wasn’t ready- I wanted to have my licence first and a job so I wasn’t relying on him at all, especially for anything to do with my daughter. The truth was, while those things did play a part, my main reason for not wanting to live with him was because I was scared of how our relationship would change- the reality of life and how things would go once the honeymoon stage wore off. I didn’t want to be in the situation again where the person I thought I knew turned out to be very different when we were together daily. Looking back, I do regret it, I mean I am happy with my husband (we got back together not long after) but part of me will always wonder what could have been.

    It’s ok to be scared about change. And having a partner move in is a huge change. But sometimes we need to at least try rather than letting our own fears about what may or may not happen get in the way. If your relationship is good, she already stays a few nights a week, obviously loves your son and accepts him... why not try it? Maybe compromise and do a trial of 3 to 6 months and see how things are. If it’s not working or one of you isn’t happy, at least you tried. It’s better than not trying at all and carrying that regret around for god knows how long.

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  16. #20
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    I’m sorry things aren’t working out at the moment. I completely understand why she’s upset, I would be quite frustrated and hurt if I felt like my relationship wasn’t going to move forward any time soon (not a judgment on you at all - just sharing as most posts seem to be of a different opinion). Everyone has deal breakers in a relationship & I don’t think it’s unreasonable if perhaps not taking that next step after 2 years is hers. I don’t think that’s immature I think she probably needs time to process & decide if she’s willing to move on from this.

    You totally have the right to not be ready for someone to move in with you .. but when you say the thought of it makes you feel anxious it makes me wonder if it is a bit of a fear of change? Or something else not really to do with the relationship? Despite the uncomfortable feeling is there a part of you that wants her to move in? If so then perhaps it would be helpful to figure out what’s stopping you. Perhaps you could confide in some people in your life you trust, or even a professional. If you don’t actually want to that’s a different story, but often good, new things can cause anxiety - without it meaning that you shouldn’t do it.

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