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  1. #1
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    Default Husband getting vasectomy against my wishes

    I’m after some opinions/experiences/advice as I’m ready to walk.

    I have a 6 month old (I’m a first time mum), husband has 2 kids from a previous marriage that we have 50/50.

    He never sat down and tried to have a conversation about this. Has just told me this is what’s happening, too bad how I feel. The first time he bought it up was when I was pregnant and I asked him please not to as it sounds like you don’t want this one (baby was planned). He then told me 4 days after the birth that he was going to do it. I was upset and asked him to please at least wait until baby is 1 and we can talk about it. He has booked in, had consult and procedure is tomorrow.

    I’m not even sure that I do want another, but to have this option taken away and not even be heard or considered, is pretty awful in my eyes.

    I’ve asked him to go to counseling also to work on our relationship as a whole. He has said flat out no.

    I don’t feel like I have any other option than leaving. I refuse to be dictated to, as this is one issue and then the next thing will be his way or the highway also. Surely this is not how a marriage is meant to be?

    Happy to be told that I should be happy with what I already have.....

  2. #2
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    Hey hun,
    I really think this is unacceptable to not be included in this big decision. I dont know what you can do or what you can say to make him sit down and listen to your point of view, but it needs to be done.
    I'm sorry you are in this position, is there anyone he is close to that could make him listen? You both need to sit down and talk tr his through.

    Best of luck

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  4. #3
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    Thank you.

    He did actually sit down with my sister in law the other week. Didn’t make a difference

  5. #4
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    Sending big hugs. Sounds like you guys need to really have a good old chat and make him listen to your side. It’s not like taking out the implant or going off the pill there is so much that has to be done if you do decide you both want another one ...

    Best of luck with this one babe

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    Pinklise (26-04-2019)

  7. #5
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    Is it possible he is feeling overwhelmed with the new baby, and as he has 2 other kids from a previous relationship..he feels he is done? If you don't feel done having kids, I can understand it must feel very upsetting. It's a tough one.

  8. #6
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    The vasectomy isn’t necessarily the issue here. The fact he just unilaterally makes huge decisions all on his own is problematic. I see he also decided no to the therapy. Is he like this with other decisions as well?

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  10. #7
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    Oh I’m so sorry for what you’re going through . I would be very upset too especially bringing this up 4 days after giving birth! If he’s not even up to discussing big important things with you (not just the vasectomy) it must be incredibly frustrating. I’m sorry I don’t have any advice just wanted to say I really feel for you & I don’t think your feelings are wrong at all. When my marriage was in trouble I ended up sitting DH down & explain how serious the situation was & that if he wasn’t even willing to work on certain issues I was ready to leave x

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  12. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tinkers View Post
    Is it possible he is feeling overwhelmed with the new baby, and as he has 2 other kids from a previous relationship..he feels he is done? If you don't feel done having kids, I can understand it must feel very upsetting. It's a tough one.
    Yes this is possible. The previous 2 are 17 shortly though, about to get their licenses, etc. so not exactly demanding.

    That’s why I want him to wait, as in 2 years say, life will look a lot different.

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    Tinkers (26-04-2019)

  14. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ahalfdozen View Post
    The vasectomy isn’t necessarily the issue here. The fact he just unilaterally makes huge decisions all on his own is problematic. I see he also decided no to the therapy. Is he like this with other decisions as well?
    I agree with this. That’s my point that I’ve tried to make to him & he doesn’t get it. It’s not fair

  15. #10
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    I’m sorry you find yourself in this situation, but I’m actually in two minds, your always hearing us females spouting our body, our decision, and this seems it’s one of the few times a man is doing exactly just that, you don’t generally see women discussing about getting their tubes tided, usually they make their minds up that they’re done having babies and just go get it done, maybe they will discuss it with their o/h but generally the males will go along with it.
    on the other hand I also think that it’s not really fair because your not certain your done with having babies, and it seems that your d/h refusal to even listen to you is what is concerning me, the fact that he won’t even take into account your feelings around this is worrying, as you said, it starts with this, then where could it possibly lead to....

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