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    Default Sister willing to donate eggs, but brother in law has doubts

    S my sister has offered to donate but her hubby can’t get his head around it as he thinks their 3 children will have half siblings, I have tried to explain its genetics but it doesn’t make sense to him. Anyone have some info I can show him

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    Not sure if i have understood correctly but if it is your sister's eggs and your partner's sperm then they will be 'half siblings' genetically with your sister's children.

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    One of my sisters donated to the other. So technically my nephew has a half brother and sister in his cousins. He has been told how his Aunty helped create him and all that goes with it. He’s nearly 8.

    In all honesty, I am his second mum. Not the sister that donated the egg. And my daughters are like siblings to him, not the half brother and sister.

    I did donate to my sister too, but sadly it ended in miscarriage at 14 weeks. Once that embryo went inside her, it became my sisters baby. I can honestly say my feelings were exactly the same as they had been the first time she was pregnant.

    Unfortunately you do need his consent. You can’t donate eggs without your husbands permission if you’re married, which seems ridiculous to me. He has to have counselling too.

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    But they will, so someone explain it to me too. Genetics matters.

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    Default Sister willing to donate eggs, but brother in law has doubts

    Quote Originally Posted by Mod-Wise Enough View Post

    Unfortunately you do need his consent. You can’t donate eggs without your husbands permission if you’re married, which seems ridiculous to me. He has to have counselling too.


    Really?!?! I'm very surprised to hear this!! I would have thought it would be up to the person who was donating only?? So you can have a hysterectomy or abortion without permission but can't donate eggs??
    Last edited by Meld85; 21-04-2019 at 13:31.

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    Yes. If you are in a relationship definitely marriage and i think defacto and have children, both partners need to give consent and both parties that is donor and partner and also recipient and partner need to attend counselling sessions separately and jointly to be approved.
    I guess its because the decision affects families as a whole.
    Whilst donating may seem simple and for many people it is simple, donating anything even things like organs and even moreso eggs and sperm can be more complicated than it seems at first. So you have to have sessions with a councellor specialised in fertility stuff so that all parties are aware if issues they may not have considered.
    Things like:
    What relationship if any do the donors expect to have with any resulting children and what do the recieving couple want and are they all on the same page.
    -what if you donate to someone and they have embryos from your genetic material and then later on the donor has trouble conceiving themselved, how would they feel about knowing theu have embryos from their genes but they now belong to someone else amd those embryos may be the only chance they now have to have their own genetic children?
    What if you donate and choldren result from that and then god forbid you lost your own children and were childless and knew someone else had children from your eggs?
    What will the relationship between donors be if the donor suffers from infertility due to porblems with the ivf process or gets very sick etc... (rare but it does happen) How will the donor feel about possibly having their own fertility compromised?
    What will the expectations be if the donation doesnt work and how will that affect relationships? Will the donor be expected to continue donating until a child results? If they eventually say no more, will there be resentment?
    What are the donors and recipients expectations be about what resulting children will be told about their conceptions and are they all on the same page?
    There's lots of things that need to be considered and discussed to male sure eveyone has the same expectations, understandings etc...

    All sorts of things that need to be considered.

    I had a friend iffer to donate eggs to me before she had finished having her own family and now she is javing trouble conceiving her 2nd child and doing ivf unsuccessfully. I declined and glad i did because it would feel very weird if i was to concieve a child using her eggs, when she was struggling to conceive herself. Im sure it would affect our friendship in some ways.

    Many times it is easy and donirs and recipients do all want the same things and are able to work all this out but if definitely needs to be considered and discussed first :-)

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    Does a man need permission from his wife to donate his sperm?

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    I do totally get though, that it does seem weird you can have abortion, hysterectomy, tubes tied, donate your organs etc... without consent from your partner. Im pretty sure sperm donations in Australia require spouses consent but not sure really. Wouldn't surprise me at all if therre was a double standard though.
    Last edited by gorgeousgeorge; 21-04-2019 at 16:36.

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    Quote Originally Posted by babyno1onboard View Post
    Does a man need permission from his wife to donate his sperm?
    Yes I believe so. I mean you can always lie and say you’re single, they don’t check. But it would be easy to slip up

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    @cagav, genetically speaking it is half the donor sister’s DNA. @gorgeousgeorge comments are very true and real regarding the psychological and family considerations for both the sisters. Genes is only part of the story that makes a child.

    As a donor egg recipient myself, I struggled from my recipient angle when making the decision. “When an egg is donated, this means that the social mother, who has nurtured the fertilised egg until the birth and has breastfed and raised the child, has imparted to the child a biological similarity to herself. In part, she has in fact become a biological mother.”

    I read about EPIGENETICS where the birth (donor recipient) mother can alter the DNA 🧬 expression during pregnancy from environmental factors eg diet etc. A starting read: http://www.yourivfjourney.com/epigen...r-babys-genes/

    Search: “epigenetics ivf donor egg”. There’s a book that you can share with them as well.

    A friend likened the donor egg as a human-human organic donation - eg transplant, blood transfusion etc. To give another a kickstart / continuation of life, but that does not change what the person is - think heart transplant.

    Ultimately, the gift in the opportunity in life and it is the FAMILY upbringing and influences that makes the child. The modern family unit is what bonds the child to the parents, not DNA / Genetics alone - think adoptive/foster unions, gay parents etc. Having genetics from another parent does not make one another’s child nor half siblings.

    Some may draw contracts or rely on mutual understanding on where the relationship of the child with the egg donor and family. It comes down to the relationships between the donor and recipient to start with, how they want to continue to interact, co-parent or co-decide (if they wish) etc. I personally feel the latter is inappropriate if not, intrusive but respect the communal parenting environment in families and communities.

    Therefore, the counselling often necessary between donor and recipient individuals / family units. It is also a question to tell or not tell the child of their donor, and how to do so. Again, there are story books that can assist in the narrative already. See: https://creatingafamily.org/infertil...rm-and-embryo/

    These gave me great comfort in proceeding in my decision. It’s a big mind field for anyone to navigate. I hope you can help your sisters in theirs too. 🍀




    Quote Originally Posted by cagav View Post
    S my sister has offered to donate but her hubby can’t get his head around it as he thinks their 3 children will have half siblings, I have tried to explain its genetics but it doesn’t make sense to him. Anyone have some info I can show him

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