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  1. #1
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    Default Resolving differences in parenting and where to save money

    how Do you resolve the many differences in a relationship and parenting . One issue I’ve seen is when one wants to save money by accepting baby toys clothes swings cots change table etc from friends and family , but the other enjoys everything new . There are so many expenses in life Abd families so how do you resolve this or other issues . I have never seen someone who wants new clothes for baby and children and equipments Bøoks toys or even second hand but designer clothes compromise . The partner who wants to save money seems to lose out . I’m interested to hear other people’s experiences with this that might be helpful.
    thank you .

  2. #2
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    The individuals talk to each other and everyone else stays out of it. It is up to the parents to decide what is important to them.

  3. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Mum-I-Am For This Useful Post:

    Californication (11-04-2019),SJ565 (11-04-2019)

  4. #3
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    if you mean outside opinions then i agree with mum-i-am. everyone else butts out. mil is of that mentality where everything needs to be brand new, never mind it’ll get 4 seconds use then end up in landfill. we did get everything new with ds as he is our first and i think it was a mix of paranoia of “used” stuff being “dirty” or germ ridden () plus we wanted him to have new things. we had more money to splash then too (no daycare fees lol).

    this time we will use a combination of ds’ hand me downs, i’ve bought a few new things (mainly just a few girly little suits, a couple of headbands etc) and i’ve scores a bunch of either free or very low cost second hand gear off local fb groups. mil is naturally appalled at the last option. her opinion is of zero consequence to us.

    dh has spendy tendencies but generally we work together and arrive at a mutually agreeable compromise. i think also you don’t need both partners involved in every single micro decision. eg: dh and i both discussed the purchase of a capsule (versus renting one) and we agreed we’d prob just buy one brand new. that’s a bigger decision that i felt we both should have input into. but with baby clothes etc, i don’t feel dh needs to be involved and likely his response would be just do whatever you want, so i don’t bother consulting him.

    i think it’s inefficient for both partners to have to discuss and consult on every single purchase.

  5. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to turquoisecoast For This Useful Post:

    Mum-I-Am (11-04-2019),SheWarrior (11-04-2019),SJ565 (11-04-2019)

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    Agree, we discuss purchases over a $limit but otherwise we don’t mind.

    For example DH suggested a second hand cot as we will need another one. I can’t handle the thought of them not matching so agreed only if we can find one the same as ours.

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    Dh grew up in a very low income situation. Most things he owned until he was old enough to work were second hand, used and often not best condition. I came from a fairly well off environment, everything I had was bought new. When we started having kids, we weren’t in a position to buy much (anything, really) and we were very lucky family and friends gave us hand me downs for most things. When our second came along, we were in a better situation and dh refused to accept anything secondhand. He wanted everything new. Same with our third. I didn’t mind, I still got some things second hand but in excellent condition. His worry is his kids would grow up feeling the shame and embarrassment he felt being the “poor” kid in ratty clothing. When he started earning good money working FIFO, he went a bit nuts with stuff. He wanted the best of everything even if we couldn’t afford it. It did cause issues- as much as I would have liked to have nice furniture and fancy things, my priorities were different and I preferred to use the money on bills.

    Over the years we have learned to compromise. A lot of what our kids have now is second hand or hand me downs from friends. And they don’t care, they get just as excited as if it was new. Our current baby, everything we have except 1 outfit, the car seat and bassinet are second hand. The things I have purchased new, I did when they were on sale so we’re cheap. He pretty much leaves anything kid related up to me and has let go of his concern about them having second hand stuff. Small purchases we don’t really talk to each other about, but anything over say, $50 to $100 we talk about first. He has made a few purchases that have been expensive and not spoken to me first, and it didn’t go well. But only because it was stuff we didn’t need- if our fridge for example was on the way out and he bought a new one without talking to me, I wouldn’t care. But dropping a couple of hundred on a drone just because he wanted it, yeah I’m going to lose my ****.

    Like anything in a relationship it’s all about communication and compromise.

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    i remember the drone incident 🤦🏼‍♀️ did he end up taking it back??

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    Quote Originally Posted by turquoisecoast View Post
    i remember the drone incident 🤦🏼‍♀️ did he end up taking it back??
    He did! And I have not let him live it down either. Any time he goes to have a go at me about spending money, all I have to say is “drone” and he shuts up quick smart he did end up buying another (much less expensive) one but he talked to me first and did it on afterpay so I didn’t mind. A mate of his races them and he wanted to get into it as well but turned out the drone was the cheapest piece of equipment he needed so he sold it.

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