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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by gorgeousgeorge View Post
    Oh and please don't feel weird about posting and joining because you're male.
    Thank you. It did feel a bit weird to start off with, but certainly doesn't anymore.

  2. #12
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    There are several groups within the forum that may be of some help, whether it's for advise or simply connect with others who have been/are going through similar. Have a look around, and don't feel like you don't belong/shouldnt post just because your male. You are as much a part of this roller coaster as your wife.

  3. #13
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    Welcome to bubhub and just want to say its so nice to see you searching for answers for your wife - so considerate.

    Sorry for your loss and difficult hourney with IVF which lots of us here can unfortunately relate to.

    I just want to firstly say that unfortunately not many people however well intentioned their comments are will ever understand exactly how your wife feels. If you haven't been there it is so hard to understand. Can you maybe ask her to come into bubhub herself to talk to people? I know I found a lot of support in here as no one in the real world had any idea what I was going through and it was good to talk with other people who understood.

    I think my husband helped me the most by just being then when I needed the support and letting me vent when I needed. He too went through a hard time though and we both had to support each other.

    I had a long journey through IVF and my way of dealing with it was make sure I had tried everything before I gave up. I knew that this way I would have no regrets if I looked back and knew I had done everything. Other people are different though, I have a friend who couldn't put her body through the cycles of IVF and after one had to draw a line and say that was it. So makesure your wife is happy with how you are approaching trying to conceive. Has she reached her limit does she feel she needs to try further steps?

    Good luck with it all and hope you find some success.

  4. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by concernedhubby View Post
    We have, and we may well go down that path (if finances allow) but we are a mixed race couple, and I know how much she wants to raise a child that's part of both of us. This might sound really silly, but I know it means a lot to her.
    Firstly, kudos to you for being proactive and posting on here!

    I don’t think it’s silly to want to raise a child that’s part of you both. I think that’s the most natural wish in the world!

    It took me awhile (and A LOT of tears) to accept my eggs were failing me before I even hit 40. I had to think a lot about what my life would look like without a child and in the end I realised while the thought of donor eggs felt quite hard, my brain simply couldn’t compute the thought of no children at all. I probably spent a year thinking through the decision.

    I did a lot of research around epigenetics and realised I would be playing a huge role in who this future baby would become. I would have carried the child for 9 months. Everything from my diet and lifestyle, my thoughts, my mood, my voice would help shape this child. While they wouldn’t have my genes, my body would play a role in gene expression — so which genes are switched on/off. Not to mention the way kids pick up on parents mannerisms etc. So I realised there’s many ways this child would truly be a part of me. It’s quite fascinating stuff and really helped me feel more comfortable with the decision to move forward with egg donation personally. But I have a couple of friends who faced the same decision and they chose to focus on travel, starting a business and other life goals - there’s no one answer and only you two can decide what’s best for you.

    Also if you ever do decide to investigate the egg donation path, just be aware there are options for mixed race egg donation too. Depending on which race, different countries may offer better matches eg Thailand, Malaysia are popular for Asian donors. India for South Asian. Greece, Spain, Czech or Russia will have very different Caucasian donors (although all provide a mix). South Africa has black, Caucasian and mixed race donors. Barbados has Afro-Caribbean donors. California tends to have black, Caucasian, Asian etc. Hawaii as well but it costs more.

    Best of luck whatever your future holds xx

    R

  5. The Following User Says Thank You to Risa78 For This Useful Post:

    RubyT78 (04-04-2019)

  6. #15
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    I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this.

    It sounds like you care alot about your wife. I hope that you get the support that you both need


 

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