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  1. #1
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    Default Spitting at school

    Hi everyone. Just looking for some advice on an incident my son had at school. His teacher emailed me today saying he spat on two kids and had been made to apologise and a follow up talk at home would be good. I had a shock! Of course my boy spitting on someone is no good!! He’s in prep and has taken a little while to settle so I’m a bit worried...

    Anyway when he came home I asked what happened. He says he had drunk from the tap and the water wasn’t nice so he went to spit it out and didn’t realise there were other kids near him. I think he is telling the truth... he knows spitting on someone is wrong.... he said he didn’t tell the teacher because she was angry....

    So I want to ask the teacher if she gave him the opportunity to explain himself? When I emailed her before she said he just did it for no reason at all. I don’t want to come across rude or doubting her. Not sure how to write it... I can’t get in to see her because I work and am off interstate for a conference tomorrow 😨 so it’s email really...

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    I would email and stick to the facts. Say thank you for letting you know of the incident as of course you don’t condone spitting on others. Say that you spoke to your son and repeat what he told you and ask if he gave her a reason for what happened?

    I’d also remind your son that accidents happen and if they do it’s important to apologise. Even though he’s young, explain that it’s important to tell the truth to the teacher as they may not see the whole situation.

    Your email doesn’t need her to do anything as such other than to be alerted of another scenario but that you still take the issue seriously rather than just siding with your child.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Yogis Mumma View Post
    I would email and stick to the facts. Say thank you for letting you know of the incident as of course you don’t condone spitting on others. Say that you spoke to your son and repeat what he told you and ask if he gave her a reason for what happened?

    I’d also remind your son that accidents happen and if they do it’s important to apologise. Even though he’s young, explain that it’s important to tell the truth to the teacher as they may not see the whole situation.

    Your email doesn’t need her to do anything as such other than to be alerted of another scenario but that you still take the issue seriously rather than just siding with your child.
    This

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    Yogis Mumma (20-03-2019)

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    Thanks for the advice guys. I really appreciate it.

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    Hi there, im a teacher and i think its fine to write back to her.
    I would appreciate knowing the info your son gave you.
    I wouldnt phrase it as though you were arguing the point. Just repeat what your son said to you as his explanation. She may not have seen him drinking first and just saw him spitting at the end.
    And please dont take offence but in my experience, kids can often tell a different version of events to parents iykwim. Not saying he isnt telling the truth but as a teacher i always find parents are shocked if they do find out their kid hasnt told them the whole truth. Everyone wants to believe their kids woukd never lie to them but they will one day. Sometimes they are more worried about getting in trouble from mum and dad than they are from the teacher and so they kinda change the story.
    I definitely agree with explaining to your son that it is always best to explain to the teacher what happened from their point of view. A good teacher will always let a child speak about their version of what happened during any incident (even if its clearly not what they saw happen, you still let them speak then respond to what they said.)
    Also just mentioning from a teacher's point of view, it would have been important for her to do/say something about it even if it was an accident, because if the other kids who were accidentally spat on go home and say the teacher saw it and didnt do anything, then they could be upset with her.
    Its also a good thing imo that she has taken the time to inform you of the incident. Its very time consuming to inform every parent of everything that happens with every kid everyday.
    So yes, please feel free to write back to her. If it were me as a parent i would say something like:
    - thank you for taking the time to let me know what happened
    - i did speak to my son about it
    -he said ....this is what happened
    -he said he didnt say anything to you because he was worried he was in trouble
    -i have advised him that he should explain better next time when he is gicen the opportunity to speak
    - i have spoken to him about spitting on purpose and made sure he knows its wrong and to apologise for accidents
    -please let me know if something like this happens again

    I think that way you've covered all bases, been appreciative of her contact, let her know that your son isn't someone who would spit on purpose and even if he was, he now clearly knows it is not acceptable.

    It also is really common for well behaved kids to be scared to speak up because they are not used to being "in trouble" and they freeze and freak out even if its just being spoken to because they care about being in troublr. So i think, it indicates that he is normally not the kind of kid to misbehave on purpose. The naughty kids usually arent afraid to back chat or argue the point coz they arent worried by authority and don't really care about being in trouble. So im sure he is a good little fella although it is hard to be impartial when it's your child and it is always nice to give the teacher the benefit of the doubt or if you disagree, to do so in a calm and respectful manner initially. We dont tend to make stuff up but sometimes dont see the whole context of a situation and if we aren't provided with all sides of the story it can be difficult. I do sincerely hope she gave him the opportunity to speak though, even if he was too scared to take it. Thats important. If you do know her and have met her and found her to be reasonable she probably would be happy to listen and speak to him about it after your response. If it were me, after getting your info, i would go back to the child and say "im sorry i didnt realise it was an accident because you didnt explain what happened before i saw you spit. You dont need to be scared to tell the truth even if you feel you are in trouble." That's me though and id hope all teachers would do the same.
    Last edited by gorgeousgeorge; 20-03-2019 at 21:33.

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  9. #6
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    Thanks so much for your very detailed reply. It’s good to hear it from a teachers perspective. I feel a lot better hearing it ( and helped my husband too... he was feeling our son is being unfairly told off).

    I definately appreciate her keeping communication open with me and the tips you gave to talk to her.

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