+ Reply to Thread
Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 11 to 15 of 15
  1. #11
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Posts
    6,240
    Thanks
    5,248
    Thanked
    5,267
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    I would keep going. Just give the girl minimal attention and focus on other kids.

  2. The Following User Says Thank You to Mod-Wise Enough For This Useful Post:

    JWL (25-03-2019)

  3. #12
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Posts
    2,732
    Thanks
    4,301
    Thanked
    6,896
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I dont think that you should have to stay away from the school because of this girl and especially if your daughter likes you being there. I know this other girl is just a chikd but i woukd just be civil to her, and not overpy friendly. Be curt when she speaks to you. She should get the message. "Ive told you before im not going to talk to you about that. If you want to talk about it, talk to your teacher." Or "Ive spoken to your mum about that. So you'll have to ask her". Id hope that would make her stop as she totally sounds like she knows what she's doing and is being manipulative and you can let her know that the teacher and her mum are aware if what she's doing.
    I'll share a piece of advice my head teacher gave me once at work. I had a class of yr9 girls, i was about 32 years old at the tine and had been teaching for over 8 years and i had always had a pretty good rapport with all my students over the years. About 6 of the girls in this class, seriously bullied me. Not just misbehaving but genuinly bullying me! It felt like i was back in yr 9 myself. Id go back into the staffroom fightong back tears, go home and cry, feel sick to my stomach when the bell rang and i had to go and teach that class. My head teacher was wonderful support and was helpong me all the way and one day when i said "i dont want to go in there anymore", she said to me "Dont ever forget, they are just nasty little girls. Dont you let them make you give up your job and your income that you're saving to use for your europe holiday." I know this isn't the same situation but i guess, id say to you "She is just a nasty little girl and dont you let her make you give up your volunteer work at the school which both you and your daughter enjoy". Don't let her nastiness affect the things you and your daughter do together. Document everything that happens and everything she does and everything the mum does. Keep copies/screenshots etc... (i know this sounds extreme but just keep them in case you ever feel its gotten to a point where you want to share them with the school.) Id also be asking the teacher if the librarian is aware she is following your daughter and make sure she knows about it. To be honest id also tell the mum the real reason in a politr way, why you dont want them associating outside of school rather than saying your busy. Id tell her that the school is currently sorting out some issues between the 2 girls and until its been fully addressed by the school, youd prefer to leave it for the time being. Make it sound like its the school whose suggested they need to sort things out there first and until then its best if they "give each other some space." Im actually really upset for you. I have a 1 year old daughter and if this was happening to her id be ropeable. I guess these things do happen and i will have to deal with them too one day but it makes me sad just to think about it. Continue to stay in contact with the teacher. Even if its just to update her by email about what your daughter is saying is happening. She may just keep giving you the same "im dealing with it response" but you will have a record in your sent folder of all the times you have informed her of stuff. You dont need to ask her to do anything or ask about whats being done every time but id just say "Im just writing to let you know today my daughter said that this....happened. Just wanting to keep you informed as I thought it may help."
    And in all honesty if it keeps going for another few weeks and you're not happy, ongoing targeted incidents fr9m one child towards another is the education department's definition of bullying, so if youve got evidence of multiple incidents, over time and you've got proof that you have informed the school, you can definitely take it up with the principal and if that doesn't work, if its a public school ask for the contact details for the director of schools in your region or we've even had parents contacf the minister of education themselves. If it really does get to a stage where its bad and youve had enough and they wont let you speak to the principal, go one person higher up. I do get that you dont want to be swen as an overreacting parent ir have the teacher's think poorly of you for "dobbing" but ultimately these are some things you can do if it gets worse. I do hope it doesnt come to that. (P.S. Principals are sh-it scared of directors and when the director or minister is involved stuff gets done.) You could always email the principal and just ask for the directors contact details without telling him why you want them. I'll bet he'd ring you and be more than happy to chat to you then.

  4. The Following User Says Thank You to gorgeousgeorge For This Useful Post:

    JWL (25-03-2019)

  5. #13
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    3,808
    Thanks
    969
    Thanked
    1,170
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Keep going. Why unintentionally punish your DD and remove something that she probably enjoys?

    Enjoy your time in class and make observations of what all the kids are like and how your DD behaves with others.

    Keep up the good work mum

  6. The Following User Says Thank You to misho For This Useful Post:

    JWL (25-03-2019)

  7. #14
    Join Date
    Jul 2018
    Posts
    11
    Thanks
    15
    Thanked
    4
    Reviews
    0

    Default old friend from old school bullying @ new school

    Quote Originally Posted by gorgeousgeorge View Post
    I dont think that you should have to stay away from the school because of this girl and especially if your daughter likes you being there. I know this other girl is just a chikd but i woukd just be civil to her, and not overpy friendly. Be curt when she speaks to you. She should get the message. "Ive told you before im not going to talk to you about that. If you want to talk about it, talk to your teacher." Or "Ive spoken to your mum about that. So you'll have to ask her". Id hope that would make her stop as she totally sounds like she knows what she's doing and is being manipulative and you can let her know that the teacher and her mum are aware if what she's doing.
    I'll share a piece of advice my head teacher gave me once at work. I had a class of yr9 girls, i was about 32 years old at the tine and had been teaching for over 8 years and i had always had a pretty good rapport with all my students over the years. About 6 of the girls in this class, seriously bullied me. Not just misbehaving but genuinly bullying me! It felt like i was back in yr 9 myself. Id go back into the staffroom fightong back tears, go home and cry, feel sick to my stomach when the bell rang and i had to go and teach that class. My head teacher was wonderful support and was helpong me all the way and one day when i said "i dont want to go in there anymore", she said to me "Dont ever forget, they are just nasty little girls. Dont you let them make you give up your job and your income that you're saving to use for your europe holiday." I know this isn't the same situation but i guess, id say to you "She is just a nasty little girl and dont you let her make you give up your volunteer work at the school which both you and your daughter enjoy". Don't let her nastiness affect the things you and your daughter do together. Document everything that happens and everything she does and everything the mum does. Keep copies/screenshots etc... (i know this sounds extreme but just keep them in case you ever feel its gotten to a point where you want to share them with the school.) Id also be asking the teacher if the librarian is aware she is following your daughter and make sure she knows about it. To be honest id also tell the mum the real reason in a politr way, why you dont want them associating outside of school rather than saying your busy. Id tell her that the school is currently sorting out some issues between the 2 girls and until its been fully addressed by the school, youd prefer to leave it for the time being. Make it sound like its the school whose suggested they need to sort things out there first and until then its best if they "give each other some space." Im actually really upset for you. I have a 1 year old daughter and if this was happening to her id be ropeable. I guess these things do happen and i will have to deal with them too one day but it makes me sad just to think about it. Continue to stay in contact with the teacher. Even if its just to update her by email about what your daughter is saying is happening. She may just keep giving you the same "im dealing with it response" but you will have a record in your sent folder of all the times you have informed her of stuff. You dont need to ask her to do anything or ask about whats being done every time but id just say "Im just writing to let you know today my daughter said that this....happened. Just wanting to keep you informed as I thought it may help."
    And in all honesty if it keeps going for another few weeks and you're not happy, ongoing targeted incidents fr9m one child towards another is the education department's definition of bullying, so if youve got evidence of multiple incidents, over time and you've got proof that you have informed the school, you can definitely take it up with the principal and if that doesn't work, if its a public school ask for the contact details for the director of schools in your region or we've even had parents contacf the minister of education themselves. If it really does get to a stage where its bad and youve had enough and they wont let you speak to the principal, go one person higher up. I do get that you dont want to be swen as an overreacting parent ir have the teacher's think poorly of you for "dobbing" but ultimately these are some things you can do if it gets worse. I do hope it doesnt come to that. (P.S. Principals are sh-it scared of directors and when the director or minister is involved stuff gets done.) You could always email the principal and just ask for the directors contact details without telling him why you want them. I'll bet he'd ring you and be more than happy to chat to you then.
    I’m sorry you had to go through that George. I went to a girls high school and know how mean girls can be not only to students but teachers as well. If it’s any consolation, a few of the girls in high school that made life hell for an exchange teacher from Germany was because some of them had a crush on him and were clearly testing boundaries in some twisted way. Teenage years for girls can be a horrible phase..

    I’ve been reading up on “relational aggression” common among “mean girls”. You might find this interesting if you ever find yourself in a similar situation. I just never imagined this could happen as early as year 2!

    There is also a book called BIFF (Brief Informative Firm and Friendly communication with high conflict individuals), targeted more at adults but the BIFF van can be used for any age group I suppose.

    I’m looking for courses or online material that can help DD identify abusive/violent behaviour and to name it/call it out. Only she is reluctant to atm in order to avoid conflict and as they teach at school about forgiveness and being humble, which can be confusing.

    The teacher is taking action and been monitoring the girls, and has given two written warnings for the child’s inappropriate behaviour towards DD and also other kids in the past two weeks. The thing is because they are so young, kids make mistakes and it’s important they can do so in a safe environment and not have something kept over their heads long term. Not sure how much time needs to pass before things can ease up, and things can be “forgiven and forgotten”.. if they ever really do move on and get past this. The teacher seems confident they will..

    I’m aware of how domestic violence cycles play out and not sure if there is any correlation in school playground bullying patterns, where once a kid starts pushing or hitting another, that it’s bound to escalate, as it does in domestic relationships.

    I am dreading the volunteer days, but will force myself to go and when asked about play dates or other things stick with “that’s something you need to talk to your Mum about, or you can talk to your teacher about it”. I like your suggestions made. Hopefully that will direct her back to the person who is responsible to manage this, ie her mother/teacher, not me or DD.

    Thanks so much again to everyone who has responded. Hopefully we will all come out of this wiser, stronger and kinder..
    Last edited by JWL; 25-03-2019 at 21:54.

  8. The Following User Says Thank You to JWL For This Useful Post:

    gorgeousgeorge (25-03-2019)

  9. #15
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Posts
    2,732
    Thanks
    4,301
    Thanked
    6,896
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Oh thats no worries. Lol dont worry, its never happened again in my 15 years of teaching. I think it was because they really loved the teacher they had before i took over when that teacher went on maternity leave, so they hated me before they even met me and actually accused me of stealing her job I live in a small town and see them now at thwir work places and at the pub and they are extra specially sucky uppy to me, probably because they have become normal nice people now that they arent 15 year old girls anymore and feel guilty about how they treated me.
    Sounds good that the teacher is on the ball and observing, moderating and recording whats going on.
    And yes, i too am not advocating being vindictive or petty ir holding grudges. In a way, its kinda more sad for the girl that is the bully as she obviously has more problems and if she carries on like this, life will be difficult for her in the future.
    Best case scenario is that she does learn and that they are able to get along. Totally agree with your reasoning that its best she learn how to get along with others rather and change her behaviour rather than be punished for bad behaviour.
    Your daughter sounds like a very lucky girl to have such a kind and thoughtful mum. I hope I can react like this when things like this arise for me and my baby girl in the future. I guess its also a blessing that your daughter isnt the mean girl, but with such a kind mumma it makes sense xx Good luck.

  10. The Following User Says Thank You to gorgeousgeorge For This Useful Post:

    JWL (27-03-2019)


 

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 17
    Last Post: 14-05-2009, 18:33
  2. Looking for old school friends
    By Threadkiller in forum General Chat
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 30-08-2008, 10:45
  3. Looking for an old school friend on Russell Island.
    By jaxlayva in forum Queensland
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 25-06-2008, 13:15
  4. Old School friends on bubhub
    By cocobambino in forum General Chat
    Replies: 48
    Last Post: 11-06-2008, 19:23
  5. Do you still talk to your friends from school?
    By pinkandblue in forum General Chat
    Replies: 35
    Last Post: 11-05-2007, 16:19

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

FEATURED SUPPORTER
ProSwimProSwim runs learn to swim classes for babies, children and adults. Our indoor centre in Plympton Park has lessons all ...
FORUMS - chatting now ...
Ways to help nauseaFirst Trimester Chat
Jubilant July 🎉Conception & Fertility General Chat
Disciplining a 2 year oldGeneral Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
I am...#22General Chat