+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 9 of 9
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2018
    Posts
    9
    Thanks
    11
    Thanked
    3
    Reviews
    0

    Default old friend from old school bullying @ new school

    There were a LOT of issues at DDs primary last school, they lost about 200 kids out of 470 and 2 other girls joined us at the new school which has been amazing.

    One of the girls mum said she would only change if we were definitely changing because her daughter was quite attached to mine. They are currently in year 2. The two girls have had issues before but I’ve encouraged play dates and they seem to get along fine.

    I was going to request that they actually be out in separate classes because they’ve had issues before, but I didn’t get a chance to before a teacher was already assigned..

    Anyways fast forward to term 1 and DD is complaining that this girl will not let her play with any other girls, will scream at her in front of others to embarrass her, and yells that DD is mean because she won’t play with her and refuses to be her friend. The next minute she is all friendly and super nice, especially in class, but pokes her tongue at her and laughs at her if DD gets something in class wrong.

    Last week two parents told me she was concerned that her child brought home a letter from this girl saying DD was mean and that the girl is not her friend anymore.

    I suggested a play date last week for a “games night” in a few weeks, not realising all this had happened.

    I texted the mother of the child and asked if she was aware rhat her child had written such a letter, that the teacher had actually told them both to keep away from each other. She seemed surprised and denied it but later confirmed she knew her child wrote a letter that DD was being mean to her. She thought it was funny and shrugged it off like.. ahh girls..

    I responded that I told DD that they both need to be kind to each other, and other children, otherwise no play dates, and this may be enough incentive to work it out.

    She replied that she will speak with her child and remind her she cannot have DD all to herself and needs to make new friends.

    Then yesterday DD tells me that the child apologised in the morning as her mother was at school, but in the afternoon got angry with her again and pushed her in the chest 3 times, telling her to go away but not letting her pass.

    I understand kids are young and test boundaries but I’m really upset I didn’t speak up earlier and that it’s now become physical between them.

    I’ve asked the teacher about his perspective and he said things seem fine from his view, though I feel she really needs some distance from this child as trying to be kind is making her almost take on a Carer role, where she has to do what the other child wants or she will lash out at DD.

    My brother thinks, new school, ask to change classes now, to avoid any risk and that pushing may be enough to request this from the school.

    I’m looking at meeting with the principal to discuss this.

    Any thoughts? Is this too excessive? Is it reasonable to request this and create distance?

    TYIA

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Posts
    8,226
    Thanks
    1,182
    Thanked
    4,260
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    I'd do exactly the same in your position. It's hard that the teacher hasn't seen/heard the negative interactions, but as you have already addressed it with him (so he is now aware), I would definitely speak with the principal. I don't think it's excessive, it's not like you are requesting this child be removed from the school or anything. They may not be able to accommodate your request of separating them class wise, but at the very least they should be able to put stratergies in place to protect your daughter (now it's getting physical) and hopefully put some distance between them.

    The fact this other child's mother said they will only change schools if your daughter does due to their childs attachment to her says it all to me really.

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to SheWarrior For This Useful Post:

    JWL (13-03-2019)

  4. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Posts
    6,110
    Thanks
    5,141
    Thanked
    5,173
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    I would request a class change with the principal, outlining your concerns. Put it in them asking what measures they’re taking to protect your DD.

    If this fails I would message the mum and say since DD was physically attacked that your DD needs space. I would then tell DD to say to this girl mum won’t let me play with you because you hurt me. If it’s a parent making the rule maybe she will respect it.

  5. The Following User Says Thank You to Mod-Wise Enough For This Useful Post:

    JWL (14-03-2019)

  6. #4
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Posts
    2,212
    Thanks
    3,814
    Thanked
    6,297
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    As a high school teacher, its perfectly acceptable to ask for your child to be changed into a different class, especially if you have reasons. Dont be afraid to ask. Sometimes we cant do it because if class numbers or other reasons or we cant do it straight away and have to wait for a new term to start. But its definitely reasonable to ask. We always try to accomodate these requests when they are genuine and parents have reasonable requests. Good luck.

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to gorgeousgeorge For This Useful Post:

    JWL (14-03-2019)

  8. #5
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Posts
    1,045
    Thanks
    1,793
    Thanked
    906
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Also giving a teacher’s opinion...you need to advocate for your child and it sounds like you’re being level headed about your approach and not just going off at the school. Teachers can miss a lot of student interaction but I’d hope the teacher would keep a closer eye on things now you’ve said something.

    I would be discussing a class change and hope they’d address the bullying behaviour.

  9. The Following User Says Thank You to Yogis Mumma For This Useful Post:

    JWL (14-03-2019)

  10. #6
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Posts
    2,212
    Thanks
    3,814
    Thanked
    6,297
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    And yep like Yogis Mumma said, definitely inform the teachers/principal of the situation. I always try to be on the lookout for any negative interactions but kids can be very sneaky and its always so much easier if we know whats going on because then you can specifically watch anytime the kids in question interact. Id never ignore any bullying I see but its hard to watch everyone all the time. Ask whoever you speak to, to inform all the staff too so that your child's non-regular teachers e.g. teachers on playground and bus duty, the librarian, if they have a different teacher for sport or music or art or casual teachers can also be aware and on the lookout. We have a whole staff meeting once a week where we can share info like this to everyone at once and often as well as informing everyone, teachers will remember things they have swwn that may not have appeared significant at the time which can also help.
    I often tell kids, if they are feeling bullied to play near the teacher in playground duty, i.e. they may not need to have anything specific to report but if they play near a teacher at recess and lunch often the bully is less likely to hassle them and it makes it easier for the teacher on duty to observe and notice who is apporaching who to begin with, if that makes sense. That way they aren't seen as a "dobber" but are still protected. That's a high school though, where kids are a lot more conscious about "telling" on the bully because they can be scared of repurcussions if the bully sees them dobbing. So just being near the teacher means they can just hang like normal with their friends and not make it seem obvious iykwim. Its also so helpful if parents inform us because often you/the teacher can be the one to notice it and do something about it, which takes the onus off the poor child being hassled from being responsible and it gives us the opportunity to record all of the incidents to "make a case" to the other parent, rather than just reporting what 1 kid has said happened, you can tell the parent that a teacher or several teachers have observed it with their own eyes.
    Last edited by gorgeousgeorge; 14-03-2019 at 13:56.

  11. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to gorgeousgeorge For This Useful Post:

    JWL (14-03-2019),Yogis Mumma (14-03-2019)

  12. #7
    Join Date
    Jul 2018
    Posts
    9
    Thanks
    11
    Thanked
    3
    Reviews
    0
    Quote Originally Posted by gorgeousgeorge View Post
    As a high school teacher, its perfectly acceptable to ask for your child to be changed into a different class, especially if you have reasons. Dont be afraid to ask. Sometimes we cant do it because if class numbers or other reasons or we cant do it straight away and have to wait for a new term to start. But its definitely reasonable to ask. We always try to accomodate these requests when they are genuine and parents have reasonable requests. Good luck.
    This is really good advice George, and I appreciate hearing from teachers, because I feel like maybe there is something wrong with me or that I’m overreacting, though if I had the opportunity to talk to someone to begin with maybe this could have been avoided. Maybe it’s a positive thing that once we work through won’t happen again.. trying to be optimistic.

    I raised it with the teacher briefly (1 sentence that she was pushed three times in the chest and that there have been letters circulated about my child from the other girl to other children) via email and requested a meeting but he responded that he is dealing with the issue directly with the girls.

    In the school handbook it says to contact the principal and I attempted this too but got a response that there are strict rules around the escalation process and that I need to liaise with teacher first then head master then principal, if it’s ongoing and escalating.

    So Im quite surprised and wondering if the school is really competent at managing conflict without involving parents unless absolutely necessary!

    Maybe I need a little faith..

    I’m kind of getting the impression complaints are dealt with promptly and quietly, hopefully successfully but we will see..

    As a back up though, I am documenting all facts in the event that it does continue to escalate so that I can approach the matter rationally and logically.

    And I may only have the opportunity to request different classes during parent teacher interviews. Which I will do, with the view that may be beneficial to both girls to have a break and some space. I don’t mind them being in the same class as they are supervised it’s just the playground. Hopefully things will turn around.. but in the meantime definitely no more play dates...

  13. The Following User Says Thank You to JWL For This Useful Post:

    gorgeousgeorge (14-03-2019)

  14. #8
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    3,804
    Thanks
    969
    Thanked
    1,166
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Change classes, and no play dates anymore.

    All that does is reinforce to the other child that they should be playing together as they see each other outside of school. Invite some new friends over for you DD to have fun with.

  15. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to misho For This Useful Post:

    JWL (15-03-2019),Starfish30 (15-03-2019)

  16. #9
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Posts
    2,212
    Thanks
    3,814
    Thanked
    6,297
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by JWL View Post
    This is really good advice George, and I appreciate hearing from teachers, because I feel like maybe there is something wrong with me or that I’m overreacting, though if I had the opportunity to talk to someone to begin with maybe this could have been avoided. Maybe it’s a positive thing that once we work through won’t happen again.. trying to be optimistic.

    I raised it with the teacher briefly (1 sentence that she was pushed three times in the chest and that there have been letters circulated about my child from the other girl to other children) via email and requested a meeting but he responded that he is dealing with the issue directly with the girls.

    In the school handbook it says to contact the principal and I attempted this too but got a response that there are strict rules around the escalation process and that I need to liaise with teacher first then head master then principal, if it’s ongoing and escalating.

    So Im quite surprised and wondering if the school is really competent at managing conflict without involving parents unless absolutely necessary!

    Maybe I need a little faith..

    I’m kind of getting the impression complaints are dealt with promptly and quietly, hopefully successfully but we will see..

    As a back up though, I am documenting all facts in the event that it does continue to escalate so that I can approach the matter rationally and logically.

    And I may only have the opportunity to request different classes during parent teacher interviews. Which I will do, with the view that may be beneficial to both girls to have a break and some space. I don’t mind them being in the same class as they are supervised it’s just the playground. Hopefully things will turn around.. but in the meantime definitely no more play dates...
    Hmmm... i work at a public school and parents can ring up the office and ask to speak to anyone they want to. That person may not be available straight away but should be able to ring you back the next day at the latest. Uve never heard if anyone at my school refusing to initially speak with a parent even if they're not the right person or refusing to meet with a parent??? I get that they have a kind of flow chart/process/policy (which is a good thing imo) but im surprised that they've told you, you cant make an appointment to speak to anyone you want to regarding your child. This doesnt happen at my school. I definitely dont see why you cant ask the teacher to ask others to look out for interactions between your child and the other girl. Dont give up, i understand that they are saying the teacher is the 1st person to respond/deal with the issue but you should certainly be able to speak to anyone you want to about it. And i really dont think you should have to wait until parent teacher night to do anything about it. It should be dealt with asap. And i dont think simply asking to speak to someone is overreacting. I would write back or call the teacher and say you're aware that he is dealing with it but that you'd still like to speak with him to discuss it in more detail at a time thats convenient for you both. He should be able to at least give you 5 minutes of his time to hear what you have to say and to ask questions. We get parents calling us all the time about all sorts of stuff and yes, we are busy, but you cant simply refuse to take a phone call or organise a meeting at a parents request. Its a bit like any sort of customer service job really, even if the person is horrible or crazy (which you arent) you still have to respond to them. Im sorry you are having to deal with all this. xx

  17. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to gorgeousgeorge For This Useful Post:

    JWL (15-03-2019),Yogis Mumma (14-03-2019)


 

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 17
    Last Post: 14-05-2009, 17:33
  2. Looking for old school friends
    By Threadkiller in forum General Chat
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 30-08-2008, 09:45
  3. Looking for an old school friend on Russell Island.
    By jaxlayva in forum Queensland
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 25-06-2008, 12:15
  4. Old School friends on bubhub
    By cocobambino in forum General Chat
    Replies: 48
    Last Post: 11-06-2008, 18:23
  5. Do you still talk to your friends from school?
    By pinkandblue in forum General Chat
    Replies: 35
    Last Post: 11-05-2007, 15:19

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

FEATURED SUPPORTER
Prams and StrollersLooking to buy a pram or stroller? :: Viewer reviews of prams :: Pram Buyers ...
REVIEWS
"Made bed time less anxious"
by Meld85
My Little Heart Whisbear - the Humming Bear reviews ›
"Wonderful natural Aussie made product!"
by Mrstwr
Baby U Goat Milk Moisturiser reviews ›
"Replaced good quality with cheap tight nappies"
by Kris
Coles Comfy Bots Nappies reviews ›

ADVERTISEMENT