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  1. #1
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    Default Baby will not settle and sleep

    Hi everyone. I am new here. We have a 3 and a half week newborn that will feed then pull away and cry all night long. We finally after 4 hours of doing this in circles manage to get her to what we think is asleep and put her in the bassinet only for her to wake up crying until we pick her up. My wife and I are exhausted. We are doing the best we can but their seems to be no improvement getting bub to sleep. Mum has plenty of milk. She can drink and be milk drunk but as soon as we put her down to sleep she screams and cries.

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    gorgeousgeorge (09-03-2019)

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    She may just be enjoying the assurance of being held. My second is still like that. Personally I went with it. Easier than fighting it, and he still sleeps at least part the night in our bed most night. We put him back, and he's ok with that, but if he wakes in the night he usually seeks us out.

    My first never really wanted us much. Ea kid is different.

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    It is quite normal behaviour. Look up the fourth trimester. It talks about all the changes going on in baby’s world and how they react. Try to remember their world has just completely flipped. They’ve been naked in a warm, dark, quiet and calming environment and suddenly they’re thrust into a loud, bright, temperature changing world. You might just need to embrace the sleepy snuggles while bub adjusts. Take turns snuggling bub to sleep. While one snuggles baby, the other sleeps. Do you have baby in a room with you? I had a cosleeper bassinet attached to the side of the bed and some nights all it took was being able to put a hand on DD to get her to calm down. Some nights I’d feed her in bed so she fell asleep lying down and I found it a lot easier to then transfer her back to her bassinet.

    Co sleeping/co bedding is also an option, although not for everyone. Just make sure you read up on the red nose guidelines on how to do so safely.

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    gorgeousgeorge (09-03-2019),JustJaq (09-03-2019)

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    Also, is she windy? Kicking legs up? We started DD on a probiotic around that age and it settled her grumbly tummy within a few days.

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    My bubba was like this at night from 6 weeks old. She was full, fed and happy but as soon as we placed her in her bassinet she got upset. So we co-slept. My hubby slept in the spare room. Me and bubba slept in the queen sized bed. I was very carefull about it. I wore warm pjs so we had no sheets or blankets that could cover her accidentally. No pillows either. I always wore my long hair in a bun so it wouldn't wrap around her or get in her face. I made sure my pjs had no buttons or string that could come loose and i slept to one side, not right up next to her. They can tell the difference between being alone and being near a warm body. If she stirred i could quickly place my hand near her or arm across her for a few minutes and she hardly woke coz i could feed her without picking her up. It was a godsend and we all got to sleep better and longer. I know its not recommended by midwives etc... but i googled it and there are safe ways to do it. If your bedroom is big enough you might be able to put a make shift single bed for you in the same room so you can all be together but do not put baby in the middle between the 2 beds. Many of the horror incidents regarding co sleeping have involved people using sleeping tablets, drugs, alcohol, smoking etc... which meant they they slept very deeply.
    Maybe you could try this if you and your wife are comfortable with it. After a few months we had to stop once she learnt to roll but by then she would settle in a crib anyway.
    Even though it seems unbearable atm i promise it will end eventually so hang in there.
    I also used to nap with her like this during the day so at least i was resting a bit. Id watch tv or read a book or at least lie down and then had a bit more energy to stay up and hold her more at night.
    So co sleeping was a god send for us and there are safe ways to do it. I was a bit scared at first based on the midwives telling me not to but after asking all my mummy friends i found out that sooooo many of them did this. Its very common in traditional societies and throughout history. As poster said above, do the research, take all the precautions and maybe give it a try for a night if tou and your wife are comfortable and have read thoroughly about all the research/info
    I wish you all the best and again, promise this will get better with time. There's nothing wrong with how you and wifey are caring for bubba, they just prefer to sleep in warm human arms and/or with a warm body to snuggle up to, like most humans i know regardless of their age
    P.S. Im not a midwife or medical expert and I dont have any academic training in babies and sleeping arragements. Just a normal mummy so I'm not qualified to give recommendations or advice so Im not saying what you should or shouldnt do. Just commentingon what I did and what worked for us.
    Oh and good on you baby daddy for reaching out and asking for help on your bubbas and wife's behalf. I think that's lovely.
    Last edited by gorgeousgeorge; 09-03-2019 at 22:25.

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    There is some good info on co sleeping from The Australian Breast Feeding Assosciation on this website. I hope the link works...
    https://www.breastfeeding.asn.au/bfi...nd-co-sleeping

    https://kellymom.com/parenting/nighttime/cosleeping
    Last edited by gorgeousgeorge; 09-03-2019 at 22:19.

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    Just on what you’re saying about cosleeping not being recommended by midwives, it’s generally when you’re in hospital that it is not recommended. Single hospital beds, excessive fatigue relating to long labours, medications that could cause drowsiness etc. Part of our education is to tell our parents to follow the SIDS guidelines, and the red nose website discusses how to co-sleep/co-bed safely. The important thing is to do it safely and to follow the guidelines, pretty much how you’ve explained it @gorgeousgeorge. There’s actually plenty of research out there in support of co-sleeping when breastfeeding. It is actually quite safe and some research actually shows a reduction in SIDS rates when the guidelines are followed.

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    @MLadyEm thank you for letting me know that so i can give more accurate info. That's reassuring to hear. I almost felt like I was committing a cr8me and felt scared to tell anyone I was doing it. Finally confided to my best friend and she was like "everybody does it luv." I didnt realise the midwives meant just in hospital. That makes me feel better. :-)


 

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