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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Risa78 View Post
    I agree with this! The first 4 donors I looked at didn’t pan out - one got snapped up just as I enquired; one was too busy to donate this year (fair enough!); one had low egg numbers; one had no pregnancies from two donation cycles. I was starting to get a bit despondent to be honest! Then the donor coordinator suggested someone for me. I’d initially skipped past her because her hair/eye colour is very different to mine. But while she doesn’t look anything like me she is similar to my sister. Plus she has donated before with great results, blood types are compatible and she just sounds like such a lovely person. I am using double donor so I’ve just made sure the sperm donor matches me a bit more closely— but I probably wouldn’t have thought of that if the coordinator hadn’t said “if you’re looking for a proven donor with good results, you can’t go past X”.

    The coordinators can help separate the things that matter from the emotion!

    R
    Ah that really was helpful & the screenshot of that other post.

    I just looked at a gallery for the first time (S/A) and although for us we feel like info is valuable & good to know some detail I just felt overwhelmed and truth be know a little sad of the letting go of my own material.

    Currently prepping for our last FET of our own embys and I’m already looking beyond perhaps for protection or maybe just to look forward, nevertheless there will be a letting go process I’m sure!

    Thank-you!

  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by SueZQ View Post
    I'm in the same boat as you, similar fert history and like you had difficulty feeling an affinity with the donor choices presented to me (I am mostly Asian background so 175 tall blonde didn't feel like the right choice at all )

    The assistant at the clinic I ended up using went through all sort of great tips to choosing the right donor. Things I never thought about before like blood type and RH factor and they also seemed to really know how the donation would go based on the previous results of the donor.

    So this may not be great advice like you're looking for but it really helped me to have someone who knew the donor selection process and could help me match up what I wanted with what the realistic outcome would be. Rather than looking through a million profiles on my own. That was just overwhelming for me.
    Very helpful indeed! Which country did you end up going with? If you don’t mind - understand if your prefer not. Xxxx

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to RubyT78 For This Useful Post:

    SueZQ (17-03-2019)

  4. #23
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    Hi @RubyT78 i was just popping in to say i think its a really good idea to get help from the clinic choosing a donor. In the end, ultimately the main thing you want is someone whose eggs "work" coz they make babies :-) and looks come second imo. Not telling you what to do though, its totally a personal decision. I myself found the whole idea of choosing my donor too overwhelming to have any say in it and it was sending me more mental than I already was , in that if it didnt work i would have felt that was partly on me because of my choices and id always wonder if i had have chosen the best donor. So i was happy to let the experts in fertility chose completely who they thought was the most fertile in addition to trying to find similarities as Im not an expert at assessing fertility. And for me personally i was ok with not seeing the donors as i worried that then when i looked at my daughter i would see them if that makes sense? For me, not knowing what they look like means that my daughter just looks like herself. She doesnt remind me of anyone else, just a unique little angel xx Anyway, just adding my perspective in case it helps you with some of your worries. I guess, also because i am a high school teacher, i see lots and lots of siblings and parents/families over the last 20 years of teaching and honestly, dna is a funny thing in that you never know what you are going to get. I've seen siblings where one looks exactly like mum and one looks exactly like dad. Ive seen siblings that look like a perfect 50/50 blend of mum and dad. Siblings that look nothing like mum or dad or each other. Siblings that look like exactly like each other. Non identical twins that look nothing like each other. Siblings from the same parents with red hair, brown hair and blonde hair and completely different skin tones. Siblings from mixed race parents where one is pale and the other is brown. I once had a lady at parent teacher night tell me who her 2 sons were and i said, "oh, no, they're not brothers". And she was like, "yes they are, i distinctly remember giving birth to both of them" One was tall, thin, pale and dark haired. The other was stocky, short, blonde and had freckles.
    Honestly ive seen all sorts and all basically made from the same 2 people. I think my occupation helped me with my decsion to do DE because its kinda unique to get the opportunity to see literally thousands of siblings and their parents.
    So yeah, i guess even though i felt differently about the whole choosing of donors, just wanted to mention these things, not to be judgemental in anyway at all or to say what feels right for anyone else but just to maybe help with the whole mind boggling process.
    My daughter doesnt look like me but she looks like this... and she is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Im sure you will feel the same about your bubba xx Oh and dont get me wrong, before she arrived I did care what she would look like and i had the same worries but now that she is here, in hindsight, she is more beautiful than anything i could have imagined in my wildest dreams or orchestrated myself even if it was totally possible to do so. 20190208_101023.jpg

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    SueZQ (17-03-2019)

  6. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by SueZQ View Post
    I'm in the same boat as you, similar fert history and like you had difficulty feeling an affinity with the donor choices presented to me (I am mostly Asian background so 175 tall blonde didn't feel like the right choice at all )

    The assistant at the clinic I ended up using went through all sort of great tips to choosing the right donor. Things I never thought about before like blood type and RH factor and they also seemed to really know how the donation would go based on the previous results of the donor.

    So this may not be great advice like you're looking for but it really helped me to have someone who knew the donor selection process and could help me match up what I wanted with what the realistic outcome would be. Rather than looking through a million profiles on my own. That was just overwhelming for me.
    Thank-you @SueZQ!

    I’ve switched to looking at Asian DE Agency’s do you mind me asking which Clinic did you go with in Asia’s? Can you recommend one?

  7. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by Risa78 View Post
    but I probably wouldn’t have thought of that if the coordinator hadn’t said “if you’re looking for a proven donor with good results, you can’t go past X”.

    The coordinators can help separate the things that matter from the emotion!
    That’s very similar to the experience i had too! I initially asked for a bunch of profiles to review but the coordinator told me ‘give me some of your details first and what you’re looking for and I’ll give your best matches’. So even though that was a bit annoying and time consuming at the end I had 4 good profiles that I was happy with and discussed with my DH and anytime I had a question about one donor or another I always got an answer back quickly.

    In the end I asked for the coordinator’s help deciding between my number 1 and 2 choice and she said ‘to be honest for the results that you’re expecting and long term considerations you should really go for (my third choice).’ So taking the new data into consideration I ended up going with that donor and absolutely no regrets! In fact I feel grateful for the clear minded insight.

    What you said about separate what’s important from the emotional side, that’s what I felt too!

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    Risa78 (17-03-2019)

  9. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by RubyT78 View Post
    Very helpful indeed! Which country did you end up going with? If you don’t mind - understand if your prefer not. Xxxx
    No, I don’t mind sharing! So I ended up going with Zakuro Life in Kuala Lumpur. In the end they had the best options for what I wanted at a reasonable price and they left me with no question marks about anything, super informative and helpful.

  10. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by RubyT78 View Post
    Thank-you @SueZQ!

    I’ve switched to looking at Asian DE Agency’s do you mind me asking which Clinic did you go with in Asia’s? Can you recommend one?
    I just posted a reply answering your question above. I didn’t see this post. Maybe the moderator wants to delete my previous reply?



    Good on you for looking at other options. It never hurts to have more info IMO.

    So I used Zakuro Life clinic in Kuala Lumpur Malaysia. I definitely recommend them. For what I needed in treatment they had all the options and all the answers, suggested several things that ended up saving me money and of course most important had a great donor for me and gave me a real insight on how the donation would go.

    I communicated with probably a dozen clinics in Malaysia, Thailand and Vietnam and Zakuro Life was by far the most informative and attentive. I really felt like they were providing me good answers and also asking me questions I hadn’t considered, which none of my previous doctors had really done.

    Donor profiles were clear and detailed enough, had all the basics and photos and the ones I was interested in they gave me a full explanation of their donation history and results for other patients. One of them I even got a baby photo of the donor’s own baby and that was very helpful too.

    Re your other comment, I know how you feel. It took me nearly a year from my last attempt of getting 0 viable eggs to coming to terms with using a donor, but in the end I believe it was the right choice for me.

  11. The Following User Says Thank You to SueZQ For This Useful Post:

    RubyT78 (17-03-2019)


 

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