+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 8 of 8
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2017
    Posts
    85
    Thanks
    49
    Thanked
    89
    Reviews
    0

    Default Kids having a tough time with separation

    Hi everyone,

    I wrote a post a couple of months back about whether to go back to my husband, I made the choice not to because of the issues outlined there and I feel comfortable with my decision, except when it comes to my kids. I have 2 daughters aged 7 & 4, the 7yo is from a previous relationship and my ex husband has raised her from the time she was 12 months old. She still has time with her bio dad every second Sunday. My ex husband takes both girls 50/50.

    Initially, I took my 7yo to a psychologist as I was concerned she wasn’t voicing her feelings and wanted to see how she was adjusting, 2 months in she was adjusting well. Now however, she is saying things to her dad such as “does Mum have a new boyfriend?” (I don’t), “I just want us to be a family again.” She’s asking me to come for dinner at Dads house, we have a block of land we were going to build on that is now for sale and she’s upset that we are not building a new house for us. My 4yo misses her dad and wants to live with him.

    I’m struggling with this component and I don’t know how to make it better for my kids. We did a joint birthday for the 4yo, however I stopped doing family things as we are only 4-5 months separated and I thought it was confusing for them to see us as a family. Does it get better? How can I make sure their mental health is ok through this?

    I put up with a lot from my ex husband and got very little in return so I do not want to go back, but some days hearing my kids say those things makes me think I should.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Posts
    728
    Thanks
    64
    Thanked
    304
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Hugs. I haven’t been in your position. I don’t think it’s going to be a quick adjustment for them so I would suggest keeping up with the psychologist and keeping communication lines open.

    At the end of the day, you have to trust your gut. Good luck.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Posts
    1,398
    Thanks
    2,324
    Thanked
    1,177
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    No experience as such but my parents separated when I was 6, I think I adjusted fairly well, my older sister not so much, I think it depends on personality.

    Some things to consider (not saying you are or not doing these but sharing ideas)

    - don’t speak negatively about your ex in front of the girls
    - remind them they are loved just the same by both of you
    - could you have some new fun traditions? Movie night or something fun during the day on the weekends they are home?
    - any kids picture books about different families?

    I remember saying I wanted to live with my dad for years..I finally did at aged 13 and I only last a term before wanting mum again.

    I think it doing family things for a bit is good but it doesn’t always have to be that way. Ask the girls’ teachers what they’re like at school as kids can act differently in different environments.

    You sound like you are really trying to look out for them so keep doing what you’re doing - kids are resilient, it won’t always be like this xx

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Posts
    1,173
    Thanks
    1,036
    Thanked
    588
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    The other ladies gave good advice. I just wanted to say I understand how you feel and I’m sorry ((hugs))
    I’m recently seperated with 4 kids. They have coped fairly well because he was not a very involved dad. Navigating visitation is now a nightmare though.
    I just understand the feeling of wanting to go back but knowing you can’t and the best thing is not to.
    Time will help. It sounds as if you’re doing all you can.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb 2017
    Posts
    85
    Thanks
    49
    Thanked
    89
    Reviews
    0

    Default Kids having a tough time with separation

    Thanks ladies I do try really hard to make sure we do fun things but money is tight as I only took a mattress, couch, personal items and some clothes and toys for the girls as my ex husband wouldn’t allow me to take anything else so I had to spend over $7000 moving in to a new house. He hasn’t paid child support and has left me paying the mortgage on our block of land in addition to rent etc. He has all of the ‘fun stuff’ at his house, the trampoline, their bikes, scooters etc and he lives in the small town where they go to school and all their friends live meanwhile I had to move 20 minutes away (the closest suburb) because he wouldn’t entertain allowing me to live in the house & he move - he’s the fun dad who spoils them rotten on their week! We do lots of stuff like move nights, and sleepovers with friends and park days but it’s hard to hear them say they miss Dad and family time.

    I’m sure time will see them adjust it is just a really hard thing to navigate!

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    789
    Thanks
    29
    Thanked
    123
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I share your pain, annoyance frustration anger... it really sucks....
    Why's he not paying ???
    Can you sell legal aid and start the process?? Have you rung or better yet gone into centrelink?? Ring child support.. he needs to supporting his kids 100% of the time not just when he has them 50%

    Sounds like he's still controlling you... it's not his toys/ clothes etc... it's your children's

    Sorry not sure if I helped

  7. #7
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    246
    Thanks
    11
    Thanked
    114
    Reviews
    0
    argh ! not fun, but will tell you it gets better. Just try and be positive with them when they say they want to be a family again. Like the block and house, and say, maybe we can find a different block another time, and we can just build it together, or maybe we can find a new house, once everything settles. Like put a positive spin on things, so it turns negative into a positive thought. Maybe that might help them adjust to just the 3 of you. Tell them as time goes on you can have bikes and scooters here, and do your room up how you want etc. Give them something to maybe look forward to. Mum just has to sort some things out with dad, and then we can buy stuff we want for our house.

    But please try and seek some child support from him, or get some rent assistance for yourself if you are entitled to it. It's tough, but just take things day by day, and look forward to making a new life for yourself with just the 3 of you

    Good luck

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Posts
    6,996
    Thanks
    181
    Thanked
    1,038
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    You really need to get a professional to help look at your financial situation asap so youre on a level playing field. The financial split should also take into consideration the division of household goods & items.

    Its hard when one gets to be the ‘fun’ parent


 

Similar Threads

  1. Having a tough time with the dad... Does it get any easier?
    By mirandasmith17 in forum Pregnancy & Birth General Chat
    Replies: 14
    Last Post: 01-05-2017, 08:15
  2. Having a tough time with solids right now
    By futureherder in forum Weaning & Starting solids
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 02-03-2010, 11:27
  3. having a hard time with our last name...
    By Jesska in forum Choosing Baby Names
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 28-01-2009, 11:09
  4. Do your kids have a charcter towel with a hood?
    By my_lot in forum General Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: 25-03-2008, 00:36
  5. Please help..having a hard time with baby names
    By nomers in forum Choosing Baby Names
    Replies: 16
    Last Post: 13-08-2006, 12:01

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

FEATURED SUPPORTER
Baby MonitorsLooking to buy a baby monitor? :: Read viewer reviews of baby monitors BEFORE you buy :: Buy at a local or online Baby ...