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  1. #1
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    Default Parents of young people with eating disorders

    Long time member resurfacing.

    So this is our new struggle. Did 1 is currently in hospital being treated for eating disorder. As you can imagine she isn't loving it.

    Dh and I are relieved she's getting help but I am struggling with judgemental people trying to get us second guessing the treatment she's getting. Ftr we are happy with the treatment. Mil who lives with us isn't.

    She's dd1 friend ED (I've named her eating disorder as a way to compartmentalise) best friend. Long story short, she won't move out and it's on its way to a massive blow up.

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    Massive hugs, you must be so worried about her. Remember you are doing what is best for your DD, as hard as it is you need to ignore anyone who disagrees.

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  4. #3
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    Honestly, let it blow up....while your DD is in hospital. While it's not pleasant she either needs to get on board, get out or shut up, otherwise the treatment will be so much harder. My DSD lived with us full-time while being treated (in and out patient) for an eating disorder and I was her carer.

    Eating disorders are so difficult to treat and their mortality rate is high. Unless she can be helpful she needs to shut it. Everyone else always knows better than those actually living it .

    Have you given her any information? Or let her talk with the staff at the clinic (not confidential information, but general eating disorder treatment information)?

    I'm so sorry you are going through this it's a long, hard road.

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  6. #4
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    I know. I'm just needing to vent to people who understand the journey otherwise I can't guarantee I'm not gonna hold her against a wall and start laying punches if I'm really honest. I've already told her she's welcome to spend every waking minute at the hospital and go to the same educational workshops we have been to.

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    Quote Originally Posted by PomPoms View Post
    Honestly, let it blow up....while your DD is in hospital. While it's not pleasant she either needs to get on board, get out or shut up, otherwise the treatment will be so much harder. My DSD lived with us full-time while being treated (in and out patient) for an eating disorder and I was her carer.

    Eating disorders are so difficult to treat and their mortality rate is high. Unless she can be helpful she needs to shut it. Everyone else always knows better than those actually living it .

    Have you given her any information? Or let her talk with the staff at the clinic (not confidential information, but general eating disorder treatment information)?

    I'm so sorry you are going through this it's a long, hard road.
    Get this.. She's backing dd1 up when she says they are giving her too much food, or agreeing that a nutritional supplement smells sickly sweet and even she wouldn't drink it. TO AND IN FRONT OF DD1. Dh had spoken to her and continues to speak to her about how she needs to take cues from us and do things that are in dd1 best interest and yet she can't help herself. Dh has told her many times that maybe she should move into one of her rentalS (emphasis on the plural). No plans on doing that even though one of them is going to be vacated soon. That's a whole new rant though.

  8. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by DesperatelySeekingSleep View Post
    Get this.. She's backing dd1 up when she says they are giving her too much food, or agreeing that a nutritional supplement smells sickly sweet and even she wouldn't drink it. TO AND IN FRONT OF DD1. Dh had spoken to her and continues to speak to her about how she needs to take cues from us and do things that are in dd1 best interest and yet she can't help herself. Dh has told her many times that maybe she should move into one of her rentalS (emphasis on the plural). No plans on doing that even though one of them is going to be vacated soon. That's a whole new rant though.
    OMG far out! I would be ropeable.

    If your DD is currently inpatient, can you get her taken off the visitors list until she agrees to toe the line? Surely the hospital will back you up on that??

    I'd want her out too! I feel for you, what a horrid situation!

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  10. #7
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    It's so ****ing frustrating when we, as parents, are doing the best thing for *our* children, but others think they know better, isn't it?! I agree with PomPoms, let it blow up, while your dd1 is away from the house and getting the help she needs. If your mil can't respect you as parents and your dd1 as being treated for an illness in the best way possible, she needs to go. I would not give her a choice- either she get on board with you guys or she gets out. No if's, buts or maybe. I would also limit (or stop completely) her visiting your dd1 until she realises what she is doing is so far beyond counter productive to her granddaughters recovery. Harsh, but it sounds like the gloves need to come off now. It doesn't have to be a permanent thing, just until she realises she is overstepping big time and takes the situation seriously.

    I'm so sorry you are going through this. I wish your daughter, and family, the best in recovery.

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  12. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by PomPoms View Post
    OMG far out! I would be ropeable.

    If your DD is currently inpatient, can you get her taken off the visitors list until she agrees to toe the line? Surely the hospital will back you up on that??

    I'd want her out too! I feel for you, what a horrid situation!
    They absolutely will back us up if we ask them. They have been told about the things she has been saying to dd1 and how she isn't behaving in dd1 best interests at times. It's also the reason they have allowed her to attend parents/caregivers only workshop. Whether or not the next workshop falls on a week she's home from fifo is another story.

    The best part is... She used to be a youth worker.

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    I would be so angry. Seriously.. these disorders can go on for years and reoccur etc. I'd be wanting it treated as best as possible now instead of having to repeat the process. You are doing a great job.

    If it were me, I'd tell MIL to shut her mouth and if she can't she gets kicked out. Must be so hard on DD1 to hear all her comments.

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  15. #10
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    Holy . 1. Tell her to move out. 2. Ban her from visiting. 3. Focus all your energy on your daughter and family. That sounds super harsh but eating disorders are a big deal. The worst thing for your daughter is lack of consistency. She is looking for any way to continue her behaviours so your MIL is toxic to her recovery. Get rid of her. If it ruins your relationship so be it. Your daughter needs you more. Eating disorders are so complex, I wish your family all the best

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