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  1. #1
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    Default Wishing wells and wedding parties

    So I’m a bridesmaid in a wedding next month and am wondering the protocol on whether or not the wedding party is expected to give a gift or donate to the wishing well? I honestly have no idea on how it all works as the only wedding I’ve ever been to is my own
    All the bridesmaids pitched in and paid for the hens night and we have also bought the bride a gift for the morning of the wedding but I guess the idea behind the wishing well is for the married couple and not just the bride.
    Any thoughts on the subject?

  2. #2
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    Plenty of thoughts on the subject but I don’t want to rant! Haha
    Honestly etiquette says no one HAS to bring a gift to a wedding. But etiquette also says you shouldn’t turn up to an event empty handed!
    In this case given you’ve already contributed to hens and a gift for the bride, you’re not obligated to do anything more.
    I’d give them a lovely card and I don’t know, have them over for dinner a few months after the wedding.
    But, if cash allows and you want to gift the couple something then go ahead.

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    i was in the wedding party for a very close friend a couple of years ago. had to fly interstate for the wedding at my own cost which was fine as it was my home state so i stayed with my parents for free. i don’t like giving money as a gift so i got them a nice cake stand and a cake server knife thing. i think i spent around $100. i think a gift that fits your budget is a nice gesture. my friend had two hens parties, one in sydney and one in WA. i didn’t go to either as ds wasn’t even one yet and i couldn’t justify flying across the country for a hens do.

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    We had a wishing well for our wedding. My bridesmaid didn't have to contribute much financially, just her dress (which she chose herself, we just agreed on a colour together and then she had it made for about $20 while overseas) and her and her partners accommodation the weekend of the wedding (out of town, they got a big discount being part of the wedding guests) I didn't want her paying for anything else. And I certainly didn't expect her to give us a gift or money for the wishing well. But she did give us a little gift anyway, more of a gag gift for a laugh on the wedding night. Certainly not anything expensive and again, we didn't expect it! I gifted get the jewellery as my way of saying thank you for being there for us on the day.

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    For the 2 weddings I was in the bridal party I bought each couple some beautiful crystal champagne glasses, which they used at the wedding for their toast. A useful keepsake that will become a family heirloom. Both insisted that I didn’t have to, but they paid for everything and I wanted to do something, and wanted it to be meaningful.

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    Default Wishing wells and wedding parties

    Personally I think it depends on how much you’re already contributing to the wedding. Being a bridesmaid can be expensive! One friend I was bridesmaid for I paid for her hens party finger food, the dress, spa day the day before. I told her that was my gift to her. She was fine with that. I probably spent $1500 in total to be honest. Far more than a gift.
    Another friend we paid for our own dresses ($450). I brought her nice photo frames as a gift.
    Another friend paid for everything I didn’t spend a cent so donated $400 for her wishing well as our gift.

    Generally I give $200-$300 for a wishing well gift depending on who it is.

    I think you just need to work in your budget, I don’t think it matters if you give a gift or not. Sounds like you’ve probably already spent quite a bit. I think it’s nice to give something, especially for close friends but don’t stress or go into debt to do so!!

    ETA: a card will be more appreciated. I had a very close friend not even give a card and I was pretty disappointed, not contributing to the wishing well didn’t bother me but I would have really liked a card.
    Last edited by Mashie; 12-02-2019 at 20:45.

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    The one and only time I was a bridesmaid we paid for everything except our jewellery, and then gave a gift. Would have spent close to $1000.
    Come my wedding we didn't have a bridal party. That brideI spent nearly $1k on gave us $20. We aren't friends anymore (unrelated), but at the time we were still very close and had we had a bridal party she would have been a bridesmaid (which she knew). It still annoys me when I think about it. We had a wishing well and I think she thought we wouldn't know as she didn't put a card or her name to it...but every other wedding guest did so it was pretty easy to work out.
    In hindsight I wouldn't buy a gift if I was a bridesmaid. However, if you want to and they have a wishing well, put money in the wishing well. We had a few guests who insisted they bought us a gift because that's what they preferred. However,we had no use for any of it and it sat in a cupboard for a while before we donated it all to charity. Such a waste.

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    I would still buy them a gift or give them some money in a card for the wishing well, but nothing extravagant.

    I do take into account how much it has cost me to participate/attend said wedding. No way would I give someone a few hundred if I’d already spent a lot of money just to be there.

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    Thanks everyone, seems I have the same idea as you all, I will definitely be giving a card! To be fair I’m not hugely out of pocket with the wedding, our dresses were bought on clearance and were around $50 which we haven’t paid for but do have the option of buying off the bride after the wedding if we want to keep them, if not she will be selling them second hand. She knows I have been out of work for a while and my household are only now getting back on our feet so I would hope that a small donation will be appreciated.
    Thanks again!!

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Full House View Post
    The one and only time I was a bridesmaid we paid for everything except our jewellery, and then gave a gift. Would have spent close to $1000.
    Come my wedding we didn't have a bridal party. That brideI spent nearly $1k on gave us $20. We aren't friends anymore (unrelated), but at the time we were still very close and had we had a bridal party she would have been a bridesmaid (which she knew). It still annoys me when I think about it. We had a wishing well and I think she thought we wouldn't know as she didn't put a card or her name to it...but every other wedding guest did so it was pretty easy to work out.
    In hindsight I wouldn't buy a gift if I was a bridesmaid. However, if you want to and they have a wishing well, put money in the wishing well. We had a few guests who insisted they bought us a gift because that's what they preferred. However,we had no use for any of it and it sat in a cupboard for a while before we donated it all to charity. Such a waste.
    Ouch!
    I had something similar at my wedding, one couple didn’t buy a card or give any money or a gift, a card would have been more then sufficient in my eyes if they were struggling but how hard is it to buy a $2 card

    My DH Aunty and uncle completely forgot to buy a card (they travelled from rocky to Brisbane for the wedding) so signed their name at the bottom of another Aunty/uncles card and gave $500 so we definitely weren’t complaining!!


 

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