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  1. #1
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    Default Hardly seeing husband

    Hi everyone. I think this is more of a vent if anything...does anyone else here feel like they never see their husband? My husband is a shift worker so his roster is all over the place. On top of this, he also trains (bjj) 4 nights a week, surfs regularly, runs every morning (sometimes for 3 hours) and also does weight training every day. I’m at home with our two year old and am 37 weeks pregnant so don’t know if it’s just me being overly sensitive. I just feel like I’m always at home doing nothing except looking after our child and being boring... any tips? Anyone feel the same??

  2. #2
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    Yeah... I'd be losing my ****. He probably should cut down on something a bit.

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  4. #3
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    that’s unfair. he needs to cut back on the hobbies and support you more. he should pick 1 activity and forget the rest. he’s behaving like a single guy.

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  6. #4
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    Tell him how you feel and that you would like to spend more time with him. Remind him that in building this family that bears his name, that you're doing all the toil and labour. Yes, remind him that the labour is unevenly distributed and would appreciate support from him.

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    I think it's also time you got some time to yourself, and he spent some 1 on 1 time with your little one. More couple/family time, and you get some you time as well. A bit of balance.

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  10. #6
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    Wow, he's getting a hell of a lot of 'me' time. Way too much IMO.

    I think he needs to cut back so you can have more time as a family, and you should also have some alone time to do something for yourself (whether that be exercise, a hobby, a course, or even just a regular child-free catch up with a friend).

    If something doesn't change, you will become resentful and disconnected to him. There needs to be a better balance. Have you told him how you feel?

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  12. #7
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    Does your husbands schedule allow him time for sleep.?? That seems an insane amount of time to spend one's fitness routine. !! I would be so annoyed. Very unbalanced relationship. I would be putting a stop to it all. What is his plans when the bub arrives. ??? marie.

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    I absolutely would not be okay with that.

    My expectation for a relationship, unless otherwise negotiated, is roughly:

    Whoever has the longest work hours...that’s both partner’s work hours. So if one partner works 40 hours per week and the other 20, I’d expect the person working less to be doing about 20 hours of exclusive childcare/household duties/study etc.

    What’s left of the household work/childcare needs to be split evenly OR negotiated. If one person’s happy to spend every evening at home with the kids while the other goes out...that’s fine. But the default should be that he work is shared.

    Now, not everyone would do things that way. Whatever the case though, it sounds like your husband assumes you’re the default carer and he can spend his time however he likes. Totally not cool.

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    Default Hardly seeing husband

    You’re not being sensitive, I would definitely not be ok with your current situation. Time for a long honest chat about what you are feeling and try to come to a compromise x
    I agree with the previous poster that time not at work should be jointly negotiated between the couple. He can’t assume you should do 100% of the care and household and his schedule is free to do however he pleases!
    Last edited by bel2466; 12-02-2019 at 12:36.

  16. #10
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    Thanks everyone. I didn’t feel so bad when I was also working full time but now I’m home waiting for baby number two to arrive I guess I feel differently... i will talk to him about it x


 

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