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  1. #11
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    Default Annoying, backchatting 8 yr old boy

    I’d go totally the opposite and try positive parenting methods , yes he probably is being annoying but he’s still only 8 so he may be acting out for a variety of reasons, to get your attention or he might be jealous of his sister or he may just need more routine or he’s bored ect

    With little things like buttering his toast, pick your battles, that’s not a big deal at his age, praise him for the good things he does, ignore minor little things and just with other chores work with him, once your toys are picked up let’s play a game together or watch a movie or go to park ect

    I know it’s hard but they mirror us, try not to speak down or rudely to him as he will copy the behaviour, maybe get a referral to a child psychologist , just to rule out any behavioural problems or maybe get some ideas/help with his behaviour if your really struggling?

  2. #12
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    My son is almost 8 and I agree with others that he doesn't sound much different to a typical 8 year old.

    My DS responds well to praise - make sure you're praising him when he does something right rather than focusing on his shortcomings. You might also want to look at a rewards chart or system at home. He could earn more screen time by doing the right thing (even if it's just an extra few minutes). It helps if you find their 'currency' and use that as a reward. For some kids it's food/outings/pocket money or screen time.

    As for the fighting with his sister, that's annoying but normal too!

    Please try not to call your boy stupid - he's not stupid, he's just a child and it just takes kids time to form positive habits and gain independence.

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    I have a 9 year old boy who is identical to what you have described, and contrary to all the other posters I don't believe it is 100% typical. I am certain that my boy is extremely immature for his age, and it sounds like yours is the same. Whilst the behaviors in general are fairly normal it's the fact that they are like this 24/7.

    With Hayden, I found this year that he is really into hip hop and swimming. And whilst like your boy, he only has other interest because he "has to", when he's at hip hop class or at swimming lessons I feel less frustrated with him, and he feels more grown up and part of something. It hasn't really changed him in his day to day life at all, but we all feel better knowing he has these things and his life is not just all about devices and games.

    I do think it's important for boys like ours to learn they do have to grow up a bit, but having 3 other younger kids I find I do too much for the older two because I'm doing it for the little ones anyway. For about 6 months now, I've stopped getting my older two breakfast. It's up to them to get their own cereal or toast, spread it themselves etc. My 7 year old girl just does it. As soon as she gets up shes in the kitchen making her breakfast and sometimes even makes it for her 3 year old brother. Hayden however, regularly needs reminding. Have you had breakfast yet? Your toast is done... you've left the butter out, Your bowl is still on the table... etc etc. It's frustrating that my 7 year old just does all this so easily, but my 9 year old needs constant reminding. STILL I think it helps, and have stuck with it and will continue to.

    Please be careful with negative words. My guess is, while he doesn't really "know" he's immature, he probably feels a lot of negative towards him from friends, teachers etc... he needs mum to be on his side as much as possible and lift him up not bring him down. He needs mum to be in his corner.

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    To me it sounds like perfectly normal behaviour of children around that age, I’d be more concerned with how your letting his behaviour affect you, and how your coping with him, I think your expectations could be a bit too high, he is only a child, all children develop differently, I have one that is 11 and so bossy, one that is 10 and will cruise all day without eating because he can’t be bothered to make a sandwich, one that is 7 and jumps between being onto it and not and then I have twin girls who are almost 5 and do absolutely everything themselves, making breakfast, everything for for lunch etc, yes, you may have rules about putting things away but really in the big scheme of things, what are you actually teaching him by throwing things out? I think your expecting some older behaviour from a child, when they hit their teens they absolutely revert back to this stage too If he isn’t putting things away, put them away somewhere, don’t throw them out, have a check list that he can see and maybe tick off before he moves into the next thing, or alternatively, leave everything as it and when it’s his screen time, then ask him to go and clean up and put everything away before he has his time, kids move on from one thing to another and simply forget, it’s not the his top of his priory list and if your always on top of him about it he quite frankly has probably switched off.
    Last edited by stacey10; 22-01-2019 at 09:26.

  6. #15
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    I agree, it’s normal behaviour. My kids never clean up unless it’s forced. The battle is draining! As a PP mentioned certain things I leave until they want something then I use it as leverage.

    I find I’m much more quick to anger about every day things when I’m feeling anxious about something. I might not even realise how anxious I am about something. But my patience definitely runs out quicker! It was actually reading a thread on here that made me realise it was anxiety, even though I wouldn’t consider myself an anxious person.
    Like one morning we were rushing to get somewhere and everything the did made me even angrier. I was cross about the mess, their inability to do simple tasks I requested, things like that. Then I realised I had the time wrong and we had another half hour before we had to leave. All the things that had driven me crazy stopped annoying me. Like a switch had flicked.

    I realised then it’s me, not them. I try to be more aware of it now. They definitely respond better to positive praise over yelling.

    Also think about what skills you want them to have as adults. Responsibility? Yes. Cleanliness? Yes. Ability to negotiate?? If you teach them to just accept and not argue, when they’re older they won’t have skills they need to get what they want. I often let my kids negotiate with me, it teaches them to use words and not just tantrum when they don’t get their own way. If they can make a valid argument I will listen.

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    hi kisskiss, I think if this way is not working for you, something has to change, and the only thing that you can change is you. When my children were at school, and we would have battle after battle to get everyone ready in the morning, once I started to get annoyed, things just went downhill. but if I kept my cool, we could get out the door in a reasonable time, and good mood.
    It seems to me that you are not handling your son's behaviour and you are focused on changing him. Gather some books and other ideas to change your response, and you just might find a different attitude from your son. good luck, marie.

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    I mentioned Maggie Dent in my previous reply, she just shared on fb a short article that she’s written ‘Expectations and the inconvenient truth about parenting’ - I think you’ll find her points valuable


 

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