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  1. #11
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    Before posting, consider the section this is in. I don't think it's supposed to be for debating or unsupportive comments.

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  3. #12
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    Also.. just a thought but could she give one up for adoption? I know it’s still a very tough option emotionally, I just worry that the latter would be so much worse in the long run. Would she tell her child that they could’ve been a twin, how would that child feel? How would she feel having to hide that if she chose not to tell her child.

    Just a few things like that to consider which may not even enter her mind until after it’s been done. I hate seeing people go through this and suffering the aftermath that’s all, once becoming a mum I think it’s very difficult to let something like that go, and there’s no guarantee terminating one wouldn’t result in pnd either.

    I would suggest she get help and advice about managing her anxiety about raising twins and if she doesn’t feel better could she think about adoption, if this isn’t available in Australia which I have no idea, these could be other solutions to think about too.

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  5. #13
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    I think having any child would be a blessing and to have 2 would be more so. There are so many childless people out there someone might like to adopt one or she could have them both and she may feel differently.

    A good support network for first year would also help.

    All the best with your family and decision x

  6. #14
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    I would mostly be thinking about the child. Will they know about their twin sibling? I can’t even imagine what this child will go through when they find out, especially as adults and expecting their own child. How would this impact in this child’s relationship with their parents? And survivors guilt?

    Also, if your daughter has had mental health issues following the first birth, wouldn’t this kind of decision be a risk factor for relapse too?

    If she has already decided, I hope she is seeking mental health support to help her cope with such difficult decision and its consequences. I wish your daughter finds peace with whatever decision she makes and gets to enjoy being a mum to her children

  7. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by turquoisecoast View Post
    i don’t mean to be insensitive but surely if you’re trying for a child you’ve got to be aware of/prepared for the possibility of
    multiples? i’m sorry she’s suffering this much but i agree with the sentiments above, surely the guilt/heartache of knowing you selectively
    terminated one baby would be worse than keeping both?
    This 100%.

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  9. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mum-I-Am View Post
    How is that a helpful comment? You are entitled to your beliefs but in this situation why say anything?
    Quote Originally Posted by atomicmama View Post
    Before posting, consider the section this is in. I don't think it's supposed to be for debating or unsupportive comments.
    Look. you're probably right. Perhaps I was insensitive, however, I do find it hard to believe that the original post is authentic. If somebody has really been struggling to fall pregnant for years (so it is a planned pregnancy), how could you really justify then choosing to terminate one of a pair of twins?

    I completely understand the shock it would be to find out, and that there would be an intense period of adjustment as a couple works out how to cope, but if one is so fragile it can't even be considered (caring for two babies), should one really be trying actively to conceive for years? As Kjane pointed out, twins/multiples are always a possibility. Clearly this person has a concerned grandparent in the picture so there is support.

    I will now stay out of this thread, and I do apologise if my being honest has offended anyone.

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  11. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by BornToBe View Post
    Look. you're probably right. Perhaps I was insensitive, however, I do find it hard to believe that the original post is authentic. If somebody has really been struggling to fall pregnant for years (so it is a planned pregnancy), how could you really justify then choosing to terminate one of a pair of twins?

    I completely understand the shock it would be to find out, and that there would be an intense period of adjustment as a couple works out how to cope, but if one is so fragile it can't even be considered (caring for two babies), should one really be trying actively to conceive for years? As Kjane pointed out, twins/multiples are always a possibility. Clearly this person has a concerned grandparent in the picture so there is support.

    I will now stay out of this thread, and I do apologise if my being honest has offended anyone.
    i agree with you and it was me who pointed out multiples are always a possibility when ttc.

    i too questioned the authenticity of the post as it does seem a bit out of left field. at any rate, i’m willing to give the OP the benefit of the doubt however it does strike me as odd that someone has been ttc for a long time, falls pregnant then wants to terminate. i get twins would be a handful but one baby is a lot of work too and if the OP’s daughter is in such a fragile place in terms of her mental health, is another baby really a good idea to begin with?

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  13. #18
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    I hope the Ops daughter can get the care and support that they need.

    I do feel that it's a very sensitive subject, but I have to wonder like others have, why someone apparently so 'fragile' would be ttc.
    It's a huge decision. Not one to make lightly. I hope that IF its an option in Australia, that there's very intense and extensive counselling criteria required to be met before such a procedure is approved.

    I would be having many questions and thoughts like many others had raised. I'd be torn between telling them or keeping it a secret. What if that one was lost? What if they felt bad they desperately wanted a twin? What if she wanted the opposite gender and it was the same, would the terminated one have been a different gender? Would they have been successful? Would they have looked the same And/or like mum or dad?... all of these things would haunt me forever.


 

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