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  1. #1
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    Default My kids are worth it- blended families.

    Hi everyone,

    Today I found out that my ex-DH and his new fiancé had their engagement party on Saturday night. I don’t care. None of my business. I’ve moved on.
    However, it was my weekend with the kids. But I never got a request from ex-DH or Fiancé so they could have the kids for the party. I never knew about it, the kids didn’t know about it either. However, their cousins were invited and the fiancé’s children were there.

    To make matters worse, my eldest found out from a kid at school who said there were heaps of cars at his dads on Saturday night. So my eldest worked out what it could have been. I asked him if he knew it was on Saturday night? He said nope. Had no idea.

    Now, I haven’t mentioned it to my other children and I’m not going to. Not even to my ex-Dh. My ex-SIL whom I’m still very connected to, is completely shocked my kids weren’t invited. My eldest doesn’t seem too phased. Seems like I’m more upset about it.

    I know it’s not up to me to fix it. But I’m kinda at a loss as to why! Wouldn’t you want your children there? I know there could be reasons. But if cousins and fiancés children are there then why not mine? I feel really disheartened and sad for them. I really do.

    I don’t know what I would do if they all find out and get upset. I don’t know if I have a real question.

    Thanks for reading.
    Kitty.
    Last edited by KittyHawk78; 03-12-2018 at 19:31.

  2. #2
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    Maybe he didn’t want to upset you by asking you to give up your weekend with the kids? Maybe they were trying to be respectful?

    If it was me yes, I would want my kids there.

    Big hugs. Blended families are not easy.

  3. #3
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    Not easy at all. He’s not an easy man. However it’s never ever stopped him before and unless I had something majorly important, like my own engagement party haha, I can’t see why he wouldn’t want them there. I’ve never really said “no we have plans” either. Very rare. I just feel lost for them. Odd but I do! And with enough notice I would make sure they went.
    Thanks for your reply.
    Last edited by KittyHawk78; 03-12-2018 at 19:21.

  4. #4
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    Oh that sucks. Seems very illogical to me.

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    Starfish30  (04-12-2018)

  6. #5
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    My only thought is that he didn’t want the kids going back to you and telling you all about the night so maybe he thinks it would upset you ?

    Now if they aren’t involved in the wedding that is when I’d be really peeved off

  7. #6
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    How old are your children? It is terrible he has not invited his own kids? Is fiance jealous of them ir was there no one to look after them?

    It is a shame for the kids.

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  9. #7
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    I think it’s sad for your kids, but maybe he didn’t invite them because we all know adult parties aren’t as fun when you also have to parent. Not excusing his behaviour at all but just trying to find a logical explanation. For me, I’d sacrifice a bit of fun to have my kids there sharing the special event but maybe he doesn’t / didn’t think like that.

  10. #8
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    I’d be upset for my kids if in the same situation. An engagement, the joining of two families... umm, some of the family (your children) weren’t invited, only the fiancés children were??

    I think my response would depend on a few things (age of kids, existing relationship states).
    If your ex husband was usually a good father and this was out of character, your second post makes me think not, I would mention it to him. Just a ‘I think you should know that the kids know you had an engagement party without them, could talk to them about it’.
    If the relationship between children and their father is already strained, I would raise it with the eldest child who knows. A simple, how are you feeling about your dads engagement party? Then going from there. I wouldn’t ignore it.

  11. #9
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    Awww that is sad! My kids were at our wedding and they had the BEST time. (We didn’t have an engagement party)

  12. #10
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    Hi all,

    Thanks for your responses. His fiancés children are all younger than mine. Mine are 13, 11 & 9. Their cousins were also invited. 3 really young, and 2 same age as my older 2.

    As for stepping on my toes, no way, he asked to have the kids to take them to the show on my weekend. So that’s not an issue. I wouldn’t have cared if he had given me 2 hours notice.

    The only thing I can think of is that he couldn’t be bothered. My ex is a narcissist. No, I don’t use that word lightly. He’s a pathological lier and cheated many times. I went through a lot of self healing and trying no contact as much as I could over the years. We were still married when he met his fiancé, I recognized the signs, it was the last straw. I’m happy with my new partner and have moved on and would not want to go back there again. He has already notified me when the wedding is... my weekend again. But it’s one day, I can deal with that. I mean how many times do you get married hey? (Sorry bad joke haha)

    But this has blown my mind. I just don’t get it. I have spoken to my eldest. He doesn’t care. Relationship is strained. But my thoughts would be in that case wouldn’t you want to show some family normalcy? Include them in what should be a happy occasion? Every one, my friends and family are all weirded out by this. No one gets it. We are all dumbfounded.

    My personal fear is I hope he hasn’t blamed me for them not being there. As I’m sure people would have wondered.

    Also I’m civil with the fiancé. We had a text chat on Monday (before I found out) about all the kids clothing. Even had a joke and a laugh. So she could have easily messaged me to ask as well. She has done so before for ex-DH’s birthday. Which I expected and had no problem with.

    I feel I just have to let it go and let it play itself out. I can’t talk to him, he can be nasty. He owed me $62 in child support once and refused to pay it, and had just gone out and bought an engagement ring. So...yep.

    Thanks everyone.
    Kitty.
    Last edited by KittyHawk78; 05-12-2018 at 12:45.


 

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