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    Default How do you know when it’s time to let them go?

    My beautiful 15 year old cat has been diagnosed with kidney failure and has been at the vet for the past few days on fluids. Her blood work hasn’t improved at all and the vet has said that we is juts need to go by how she is behaving her how she looks rather than the bloodwork. She is back home now.
    She has arthritis so has stiff hind legs anyway but since Monday she seems worse and looks very awkward when walking and is very wobbly. She has also had a few episodes where she has lost control of her bowels. She is still eating and drinking and purrs when I pat her but she isn’t her old self. I know with kidney failure there is no coming back and I’m really struggling with knowing when to let her go. I don’t want her suffering to get worse as that is just selfish. It’s breaking my heart and I don’t know how to make this decision....

    When did you know it was the right time to let go?

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    I'm so sorry to hear this ☹️ I love being a pet owner, but this is the part I always struggle with..... letting go.

    Our old girl Cat took a turn for the worse, became very skinny, only wanted to drink, not eat and her fur looked terrible and she was losing control of her bowels. I knew she was getting old, but I think I was in denial. I took her to the Vet thinking it would most certainly be a one way trip.
    The Vet did all the tests/bloods and remarked that although she was presenting sick, she wasn't 'dying'.

    I had the same from the Vet, that they could only go by how she presented to them. It was so hard! I didn't want her suffering unnecessarily, we loved her so much and didn't want to be selfish.

    For me, I just couldn't look at her in good conscience knowing she wasn't coping. I made the heart wrenching decision to know it was 'the right time'. As fate would have it, we booked her in, but sadly she naturally passed before we had a chance.

    (((Hugs))) I hope you are able to make a decision either way, I know it's so terribly heartbreaking.

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    Furmumma (09-11-2018)

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    Firstly... to you @Furmumma

    This is such a heartbreaking and difficult decision that almost all of us have to make for our Furbabies eventually. It's a distressing/devastating time full of myriad emotions it can be hard to know when is the right time as there is a part of us that wants to hold on to every last second, minute, hour and day that we can with our Furbabies knowing that the end is drawing inevitably closer, then there is the other side that wants to ensure our Furbabies do not suffer for even a moment so we try to find the perfect timing so as to prevent this whilst also having as long as we can with them.

    I also feel that for some of us, there can also be the feeling of guilt attached too wondering if our Furbabies know what's going on and will they be angry/upset/not love us anymore etc etc for making this decision especially if we think we've made it too soon/at the wrong time etc, etc.

    IMO, it's about quality of life Luv. Varying factors/signs to weigh up exactly what/where that is and what that means (to me anyway) is what helped my sister (and Ex to an extent) to decide when the right time was:

    Is your Furbaby in constant pain that can't be controlled with meds?

    Is your Furbaby still able to eat and drink normally??

    Can your Furbaby still go to the toilet properly?? I believe small bladder leakages from age are normal but fully losing control of bladder/bowels on a regular basis is a sign that organs are not working properly or are beginning to shut down. Also a decrease in urination/bowel movements is just as worrying.

    Is your Furbaby having frequent vomiting or diarrohea??

    Does your Furbaby have issues breathing?? Seizures??

    Does your Furbaby have issues with getting up/walking or general mobility on a regular basis??

    Does your Furbaby still recognise you?? (ie no senility/blindness etc)

    Does your Furbaby seem distressed/anxious?? Is she miaowing/crying all the time or wanting to follow you around constantly?? Sometimes cats that are in their final days seek solitude as it's instinctual for them (in the wild they would hide from predators when ill). It could also being a sign of stress due to the deterioration of their senses in conjunction with overall physical weakness which can make them want to avoid anything too stimulating etc.

    Does your Furbaby seem more lethargic/weak?? Spend majority of time sleeping?? Lower body temperature??

    Communicating regularly with the Vet updating about the signs/symptoms helped give a lot of direction and guidance as well as being a huge source of support. My sister/ Ex didn't need all of the above signs to decide when but they were helpful guidelines to show symptoms of deterioration and declining quality of life.

    I personally believe it's better to decide a week earlier than to leave it one day too late. I also think you have be honest enough and brave enough to admit who are you prolonging life for?? Is it for you so you can keep your Furbaby with you for as long as possible or is it for them and if it is for them, at what cost??

    At the end of the day, despite the illness/condition etc, does your Furbaby still get enjoyment from the life they are living?? If, despite medical treatment, medication etc, your Furbaby is still in constant pain/discomfort, then that IMO, is the time to consider making the decision they can't make for themselves and freeing them from any further suffering/pain so they are not enduring it for a second longer than they need to or should have to.

    I know it's gut wrenching knowing that making the decision means having to say goodbye but you are also giving them the most loving, compassionate gift too Luv. I believe it's a true act of unconditional love and kindness to release and surrender our Furbabies from having to live days that are prolonging the inevitable when the downhill slide has already started to happen knowing it's only going to get worse for them as the days go by.

    The hesitation for so many is mostly due to the expectations and attachments/fears of letting them go. Better to send them over the Rainbow Bridge whilst in minimal pain/discomfort I believe. No need for them to suffer greatly in any way, shape or form when we have the power and control to prevent it.

    They have been our faithful, loving companions, friends and family who stood by us all of their lives always giving all of their love and never asking for anything in return, this is the very least we can do for them in return and what they deserve. To make their passing/days leading up to it as painless/least distressing as we possibly can.

    Trust your instincts and work/consult closely with your Vet. I believe you don't want your Furbaby to suffer a moment longer than needs be Luv so you with that in mind, you will know when the time is right to make that final decision for this very much loved and adored family member.

    Yes, you will have to be so very, very strong when the time comes to make that decision but you are doing it from love. Love is the reason why and therefore you cannot and will not be wrong. Your Furbaby will thank-you and love you for it too I promise you.

    I will tell you that recently when my older sisters dog passed away from a rapidly growing tumour in the roof of his mouth (gorgeous pure bred with papers black cocker spaniel who was 15 yrs that my younger sister and I all went a 1/3rd in to pay for so really was our family pet) this is pretty much what she did and how she decided when the right time was. My sister is also an RN too which helped her recognise the physical/cognitive signs of deterioration. Emotionally, she was just as distraught, unsure, feelings of guilt etc like many others go through. She liaised closely with her Vet.

    When her/our beautiful boy passed over the Rainbow Bridge, the Vet came out to the house and my sister had lovely, special music playing, candles burning, prayers being said to the Universe (she is also studying to be a Yoga teacher at the moment) and she, my nephew and her partner were there when Boomer (nickname for him..so as not to reveal possibly identity) passed. My sister held him when he passed over so it was as loving, calm and peaceful as possible for the Black Bandit

    That final day, they took him out in the car for a ride to favourite places. Gave him some favourite foods/treats and took some lovely photo's, video's and made the day all about him to be as loving, happy as they could. Boomer was having trouble breathing by that stage as well as eating/drinking. He was spending most of his time sleeping and had become increasingly anxious with fitful sleep. He was having issues swallowing his medication (especially pain meds) and had had a seizure too previously. He was a bit wonky walking here and there. My sister was taking him in to the Vet for monitoring every week and as the tumour got bigger and he found it harder to eat/drink and breathing became more difficult etc that's when she made the decision. He was starting to suffer though not in any pain, he was in some distress/ becoming anxious (which was increasing) and his quality of life was not there anymore. His life was not enjoyable for him anymore so enough was enough. He was only going to get worse, and she did not want him to feel any kind of pain at all (didn't want it to get to that stage) just so she/we could have an extra day/s with him even though she wanted as much time as possible with him too. That's us being selfish, not selfless and putting him first and foremost.

    Hope this helps in some small way. Please know I will be thinking of you and your Furbaby in the coming days/weeks and sending you both much love, hugs and healing while you're going through this terribly difficult and heartbreaking time. I will also send prayers to Universe for you both too xoxo

    P.S...The Ex and I's Furbaby (dog) passed away just over 8 years ago ( a gorgeous German Shepherd x Rottweiler) and I still miss him and have a good, old cry for him every now and again. The day he passed away, my Ex didn't even want to come into the room to be with him as he has an issue with death/dying but I gave him what for and told him he owed it to our Furbaby for all the years of love and loyalty he gave to my Ex how dare he abandon him in his final moments etc. I was so pi$$ed off!! Told him it was the very least he could do for our Furbaby and the least of what he deserved etc and etc and to get the faark over himself (as he was the one who decided to make the call the send him over the Rainbow Bridge ultimately) and get in that room and show our Furbaby the love and respect he deserves.

    I lay on the floor with our Furbaby (the Ex stood up behind ) while our Vet sedated him. I cuddled,stroked and talked to our Furbaby the whole time with my face/cheek pressed against him, whispering gently into his ear (with tears gushing down my face) telling him who would be waiting to meet him over the Rainbow Bridge (his mother and grandmother who he grew up with for a number of years and another lovely dog of my Ex's father we cared for a brief time and sent over the Rainbow Bridge too as she had incurable/inoperable cancer). As our Furbaby passed away I told him to run and keep on running and not to look back. Just told him how much I loved him and thanked him for everything he'd done and been to me, how much I would miss him and that I would be with him again one day. He was my best friend (even though he was technically the Ex's dog). He was 10 years old. He is in a beautiful urn now that has his collar/council tag around it with a photo (not that I will ever forget his face).

    He lives with me and will be with me forever xo
    Last edited by BlondeinBrisvegas; 09-11-2018 at 23:42.

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    Furmumma (10-11-2018)

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    I am going to add this in for anyone out there who feels guilty/made the wrong decision/signing their pets death warrant/grieving the death of their Furbaby etc.

    Will preface this by saying I am not religious but I am spiritual. Additionally, these couple of copy and pastes I am about to share come from a woman named Amanda De Warren who is an animal communicator. For those out there who have an interest/believe in the supernatural, mystical, occult, psychics etc then this will hopefully provide some comfort to you. I have also seen Amanda read for a small group of people IRL (about 30 people)..both animal and human souls came through..random people in a room and she just went with the messages that came through.

    Previous to this, I won a pet reading (my pet..a living Muscovy duck at the time) through a Woman's Day competition in 2011 (phone reading recorded and sent to me on a cd). When I saw her read for the group of people it was in 2014. I physically met her for the first time that day (became a regular fan of hers after winning comp) and she invited me and a few others to stay and have lunch with her. I can and will vouch for her authenticity. From what I saw in the room that day, she was pretty bang on the mark. Anyhoo, I hope what she has written here might help some of you:


    Putting Pets Down (2014)

    I have been connecting to animals for the past 12 years and many of them have had to be put down by their owners. I have to tell you that in all my years as an animal communicator have I never had one passed over pet come through that was angry at their owner for having to make that decision. They know we are not trying to end their life but only trying to end their suffering and know we had to do this because we love them. They never judge us on our decisions nor are they ever angry or resentful towards us but just keep on loving us until you meet up with them once again. A lot of people ask me where do they go after they have passed. They go to the same place as we do and in nearly every case of a passing there is a passed over loved one family member to greet them and look after them until we go back there to be with them once again. Their spirit is still always a part of our everyday lives. You need to know that they never see this decision as an injustice and neither should you. They don’t want us to be angry at ourselves for having to make that decision and most of them are grateful to their owners for ending their suffering. I too have had to make the difficult decision in the past to let my much loved pet pass so I know it is far from an easy decision and as much as I wanted to be selfish and keep them here I knew it was wrong of me. Let yourself grieve by all means but just remember they don’t blame you and don’t want to you to live your life being angry and blaming yourself.


    PETS THAT ARE GETTING READY TO DEPART FROM THIS WORLD (2018)

    Hi everyone,
    When I have to do a sick pet reading and connect to that pet and the pet tells their owner that they have had enough and know what is about to happen. The pets are never afraid of their impending passing and assure their much loved humans that they are fine with it all. They also tell their owners who is waiting there for them as far as family and other pets who will be there to pick them up when they do cross that rainbow bridge. I am always so very conscious of the emotions that are happening during these types of readings and always leave the decision up to the owners. It is comforting to know that when we do have to make that decision that our pets are going to fine and will still always be a part of our lives. They know we are only trying to end their suffering and not their lives. They go on loving us even if we have had to make that decision.They are never afraid and actually accept what is going to happen and all tell me there is never any fear.
    Have a fabulous day everyone and know that our passed over pets will always love us.
    Amanda


    OUR PETS STILL LOVE US EVEN WHEN THEY HAVE PASSED (2018)

    Hi everyone,

    Our pets wants us to know that they are still a part of our lives and that they still love us just as much as they did when they were here even when they have passed over. They still have that special connection in this life and the next and come through to us with that love in all my readings. Our pets know all that has been going on in our lives
    Last edited by BlondeinBrisvegas; 10-11-2018 at 07:24.

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    Furmumma (10-11-2018)

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    When I put my dog down I knew it was time because she couldn’t even sit or lie down comfortably. She had had problems so I knew it was coming but when the day cane, I just knew. When they sedated her before the lethal injection her eyes just looked so relieved. It was as if it was what she was waiting for. I knew it was the right time when I saw her relax.

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    I'm so sorry you are facing this decision. Personally, I would let her go now. She doesn't sound like she has a good quality of life as it is and I imagine it will only get worse. I know it's an incredibly difficult decision, but why prolong her suffering.

    We had to make the choice to let our 4 year old English staffy girl go over a year ago. She was perfectly healthy in the morning, by lunch she couldn't walk, was having major seizures and had lost all control of her bowel and bladder. She would come out of the seizures and drag herself to the nearest wall and press her head against it. The vets came and got her from my house as we couldn't transport her to them. They ran as many tests as they could and nothing showed up. She was hooked up to multiple antibiotics and pain relief, and survived the night much to everyone's shock. The vet called us the following day and said she had improved dramatically and to come see her. When we got there, she was walking, albeit wobbly, and was otherwise her usual happy self. We thought we were out of the woods. Unfortunately, as soon as we left, she deteriorated drastically and the medications were no longer working. She was having constant seizures and injuring herself in the process. The vet said we had 2 choices, we could continue to medicate her and send her for more invasive testing in Brisbane, with the chance of finding out what was causing her neurological issues or we could say goodbye. She stressed that even of we did the testing, there was no guarantee we would get answers or that it would change anything, she likely had irreversible brain damage. Of course we wanted to do everything we could to save her but the reality was, even if we did, it's likely she wouldn't have had quality of life. So we made the heartbreaking decision to let her go. She perked up when she saw us enter the room and it broke our hearts even more. But she deserved to be at peace and free from pain. We told her we loved her and cuddled her until the vets confirmed she had gone. It didn't take long and her final moments were so peaceful. We knew it was the right decision. It was like her golf moment that morning was her way of saying goodbye, so we could see her as her usual happy self one last time.

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    I am so sorry that you are going through this, this is one of the hardest parts of being a pet owner.

    I recently went through this with our family dog, he didn't seem well on the Friday and by the Monday he was diagnosed with Lymphoma cancer and even after chemotherapy steroids the whole lot only managed to hang on until the Sunday and we knew it wasn't fair to keep making him suffer.

    We thought on the Thursday it would be the last day and had organised for him to go to the vet on the Friday we all came to say our goodbyes and I struggled especially as he had been exposed to radiation with his chemo and the vet said to be safe i shouldnt pat him because i was breastfeeding and it takes a few days to be out of their system. On the Friday he perked up was full of life wanted to play and then slowly deteriorated again. It was like in some way he knew and managed to hang on so on the Sunday I could actually hug him and say goodbye properly.

    You kind of just know it's the right time and you can see it in their eyes that they just need to be at peace. It's so hard to come to terms with as you are almost playing god but ultimately you know your cat the best and sometimes you know what the right decision is but it's just hard to accept.

    We had the vet come and do it at home so he was nice and relaxed and it was such a relief to know he was no longer in pain. We made a coffin and did a little funeral for him and it really helped with the healing process.
    I even put in the coffin with him my tree of life necklace that I had worn every day since just before we got him as rescue dog at 18 months old.

    As hard as it is to say goodbye, you have to think of the positives that you gave your cat the best life possible and loved your cat as much as you could. It's hard as animals can't communicate, but you just know when they are no longer themselves and it feels almost unfair and selfish and you are able to give them the peace that they so badly need.

    Sending you lots of loves and hugs xoxox

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    Quote Originally Posted by Furmumma View Post
    My beautiful 15 year old cat has been diagnosed with kidney failure and has been at the vet for the past few days on fluids. Her blood work hasn’t improved at all and the vet has said that we is juts need to go by how she is behaving her how she looks rather than the bloodwork. She is back home now.
    She has arthritis so has stiff hind legs anyway but since Monday she seems worse and looks very awkward when walking and is very wobbly. She has also had a few episodes where she has lost control of her bowels. She is still eating and drinking and purrs when I pat her but she isn’t her old self. I know with kidney failure there is no coming back and I’m really struggling with knowing when to let her go. I don’t want her suffering to get worse as that is just selfish. It’s breaking my heart and I don’t know how to make this decision....

    When did you know it was the right time to let go?
    I am so sorry. I lost my beautiful 19 year old cat just a month ago He had kidney failure too but we didn’t know. In the morning he was fine, by 2 in the afternoon something was very wrong. He had been sick a few times over the past few years (& often proved vets wrong when he recovered) but I just knew this time was different. I chose to take him home on pain medication. While it was incredibly tough to have him pass naturally in my arms I still feel I made the right decision. I think there’s no right or wrong decision when it comes to this & there may be some guilt either way. I think you know your cat best so it comes down to whether you can see she’s still experiencing some happiness or not xx

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    I am so sorry to read this .
    We have a 15 yr old lab x golden retriever who suffers from arthritis. We don’t think he will make it to Christmas this year . For now he is ok and doesn’t seem to be in pain but he is certainly sleeping more during the day and not as active as he was 4 weeks ago. I’ve got an appt on Monday at the vet for a check up but I don’t think he will be with us much longer .. he has changed so much in just 4 weeks. It’s breaking my heart.

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    Quote Originally Posted by granny1 View Post
    I am so sorry to read this .
    We have a 15 yr old lab x golden retriever who suffers from arthritis. We don’t think he will make it to Christmas this year . For now he is ok and doesn’t seem to be in pain but he is certainly sleeping more during the day and not as active as he was 4 weeks ago. I’ve got an appt on Monday at the vet for a check up but I don’t think he will be with us much longer .. he has changed so much in just 4 weeks. It’s breaking my heart.
    This is the same as us but our boy is 11. He lies around all day and struggles to get up. We've tried pain meds but it doesn't seem to make much of a difference and it's so expensive


 

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