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  1. #971
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    Quote Originally Posted by Risa78 View Post
    Thanks ladies.
    @Kalina spain is one of my favourite countries!! But I believe the sperm is anonymous too. I’m slowly coming around to anonymous egg donor but definitely want ID release sperm (given I am single I suspect a child will focus a bit more on the sperm donor). But might drop them an enquiry just to double check. I have a good friend near IVI in Valencia so I’d save on accom at least.
    @gorgeousgeorge you are so right about the whole mum-guilt perspective. This is a good way for me to look at it! Yes Embryoland is on my list. I can see how much Dr N is loved on here and I hear he may now offer ID release sperm. The US program I am considering is A$20k (no way I could afford US$30k after all I’ve spent on OE cycles) but yes still definitely more than Greece etc. So a lot to think through.

    R
    All good mate, sometimes i just have lots of thoughts (too many???) and so i just write it all out to clear my head and coz you never know who might read it and who it might help.
    Whatever you decide you will be an amazing mumma coz you wanted it so bad.
    And you never know what will happen in the future. I had a convo once with someone who was saying a terminally ill lady shouldnt be having a baby because she could die and then the baby might not have a mum but my perspective was "so anyone who might die one day shouldn't have kids???" Well, sorry but that's everyone. Anyway again a little off track but just along the lines of, deciding not to have a baby because something might or might not happen in the future doesn't make any sense, iykwim. When I think of it like this, I weirdly imagine talking to frozen embryo Vivienne in the freezer and saying, "sorry i decided not to transfer you and just leave you to be thrown in the human waste incinerator because I thought you might be upset later on because you wouldn't know your donors". A bizarre hypotherical situation, I know but these things help me get my head around my decision, which to me was the most important decision id ever made. Oh and my bestie also says kids esp. teenagers can be quite manipulative brats and they will find something to hate you for no matter how hard you try or how good a parent you are 🤣

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  3. #972
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    @gorgeousgeorge does that perspective mean you would transfer any leftover embryos of you had them regardless of how many children you already had/planned for? Interested in how others view this stuff because whatever happens with this pregnancy at some point in the not too distant future we'll have to decide what to do with our frosties, and I'm kind of torn.
    From time to time I think about the fact that, if we're lucky enough for things to progress, this baby won't really know much about her genetic origins on either side (DH was adopted).

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  5. #973
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    Quote Originally Posted by Risa78 View Post
    Thanks ladies.
    @Kalina spain is one of my favourite countries!! But I believe the sperm is anonymous too. I’m slowly coming around to anonymous egg donor but definitely want ID release sperm (given I am single I suspect a child will focus a bit more on the sperm donor). But might drop them an enquiry just to double check. I have a good friend near IVI in Valencia so I’d save on accom at least.
    @gorgeousgeorge you are so right about the whole mum-guilt perspective. This is a good way for me to look at it! Yes Embryoland is on my list. I can see how much Dr N is loved on here and I hear he may now offer ID release sperm. The US program I am considering is A$20k (no way I could afford US$30k after all I’ve spent on OE cycles) but yes still definitely more than Greece etc. So a lot to think through.

    R
    Risa, despite the id release sperm being promoted on the Embryoland website, I am yet to find anyone who can confirm this. It also promoted donor embryos and they are not a possibility according to Dr N so not sure what to believe atm. Id release is pretty much the only thing holding me back from going ahead with Embryoland at this stage because I can see how trusted Dr N is from this forum.

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  7. #974
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kalina View Post
    @gorgeousgeorge does that perspective mean you would transfer any leftover embryos of you had them regardless of how many children you already had/planned for? Interested in how others view this stuff because whatever happens with this pregnancy at some point in the not too distant future we'll have to decide what to do with our frosties, and I'm kind of torn.
    From time to time I think about the fact that, if we're lucky enough for things to progress, this baby won't really know much about her genetic origins on either side (DH was adopted).
    Honestly i dont know? Ive actually always been really lucky in hindsight that I never got any frosties so its never been something ive had to think about for myself. Im totally a believer in "there is no right or wrong, just what's right for you or not right for you". I guess i always just try to share what ive discovered for myself through my experiences. I kinda cop out on making generalisations for other people and I have no idea how people like politicians who make legislation about rules to apply to everyone, come to their decisions and live with making decisions like that for other people. If i was prime minster there would be anarchy because I'd be like "I dunno. Everyone just do what they want. I cant make decisions for everybody."

    I guess, only just thinking about it now, i really dont know??? Transfer them and hope they didnt take? Donate them to someone else?

    I think personally i wouldnt be able to destroy them now knowing they turn into "Little Vivi's". I know of people that have told me they had abortions before they had their kids and were fine with it but after having their kids they say theywere still ok with the initial abortion but couldn't have one again after actually having children. So i think your perspective can change quite dramatically based on life experiences over time.

    I know a lot of people struggle with the decision so much so that a study i read said that over 90% of people just pay the freezing storage fees for the max. 10 years just because they said paying $5k plus was preferable to having to make a decision, so it must be really really hard. I think personally i would donate them simply because I know what its like to recieve such a life changing wonderful gift and id like to pay that forward.

    But in saying that, id never judge anyone else for making a different decision because they're not "my" embryos so not my decision or responsibility. When I was struggling with ivf and fertility stuff, people who knew, used to say to me, " it must make you really upset that people have abortions" and it always surprised me they thought id think like that because it has nothing to do with me, not my baby, not my uterus and I wouldnt want other people telling me what to do with my body so i dont want to live in a world where other people decide stuff like that and force it on me, because to me, it would be the same as making de ivf illegal or saying that i shouldnt use donated eggs or sperm.

    I think its a decision you have to make for yourself and that when the time comes eventually you'll know what's best for you. A bit like deciding to do de ivf in the first place. Nayve choosing what you'd regret the least iykwim? Not easy, lots of deiberation and thought until you're ok with what you decide. Would also be really difficult if your partner had different ideas too.

    I think its a good idea to ask others what they did and why, to gather info because often other people have thought of things you would never have thought of yourself and give different perspective which can both be "right". Im interested to hear what other people have done too. xx

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  9. #975
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    Thankyou tfor all the reassurance about Dr N and advice. I truly appreciate it. I feel like I'm driving myself crazy with research and am never going to be able to actually make a decision about which clinic to go with and if I am making the right decision. I can see how much all of you ladies trust Dr N and respect his methods and really want to believe in that but I still worry about the amount of information received about donors. Can anyone tell me what actual information you get about the egg donor? I would like to know her medical/genetic history at least. According to the egg donation friends website (where I have been getting most of my info since Embryoland are not responding) you receive no info on the egg donor at all.

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  11. #976
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    Just thought, it would be pretty cool to transfer them and be a surrogate for someone else who would agree to having contact with me so Vivi could know them. That's a whole other kettle of fish to think about.

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  13. #977
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    Quote Originally Posted by Superaunty View Post
    Thankyou tfor all the reassurance about Dr N and advice. I truly appreciate it. I feel like I'm driving myself crazy with research and am never going to be able to actually make a decision about which clinic to go with and if I am making the right decision. I can see how much all of you ladies trust Dr N and respect his methods and really want to believe in that but I still worry about the amount of information received about donors. Can anyone tell me what actual information you get about the egg donor? I would like to know her medical/genetic history at least. According to the egg donation friends website (where I have been getting most of my info since Embryoland are not responding) you receive no info on the egg donor at all.
    In Greece you'll get physical characteristics and a bit of info about education, profession, hobbies etc, nationality in some cases. They can't give you medical info, just assurance that they've been tested for certain things and passed. Disclosing family history is voluntary, but it is everywhere - how could it be any different.

    It's really important that you are as comfortable as you can be with whichever clinic you choose. Trust your instincts, zero in on what's important to you because it's important to have as few regrets as possible if things don't go to plan.

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  15. #978
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    The leftover embryos question is a hard one @Kalina.
    @gorgeousgeorge I often think that maybe I’m worrying about nothing and if a child wants to find their genetic roots they might still be able to with all the DNA testing sites - if not the donor, maybe a donor sibling etc. But I’m a worrier and an over thinker, can’t help it

    R

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  17. #979
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    Quote Originally Posted by gorgeousgeorge View Post
    Just thought, it would be pretty cool to transfer them and be a surrogate for someone else who would agree to having contact with me so Vivi could know them. That's a whole other kettle of fish to think about.
    Thanks, I love hearing what other people think about this stuff. Unsurprisingly DH and I disagree on what to do with them, but I do get his view point because at the end of the day they include his genetic material, not mine, so it's a different proposition for him than it is for me. I've also thought about surrogacy in the past but frankly right now am feeling like I never want to go through a first trimester again.

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  19. #980
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    Quote Originally Posted by Superaunty View Post
    Thankyou tfor all the reassurance about Dr N and advice. I truly appreciate it. I feel like I'm driving myself crazy with research and am never going to be able to actually make a decision about which clinic to go with and if I am making the right decision. I can see how much all of you ladies trust Dr N and respect his methods and really want to believe in that but I still worry about the amount of information received about donors. Can anyone tell me what actual information you get about the egg donor? I would like to know her medical/genetic history at least. According to the egg donation friends website (where I have been getting most of my info since Embryoland are not responding) you receive no info on the egg donor at all.
    Hi @Superaunty sonewhere in vivs memorabilia box, i have the print offs of the info i recieved. I'll try and find them and screenshot them on here tomorrow. From memory it had height, weight, hair colour, eye colour, age, education level, previous children

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