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  1. #601
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    Thank you @Phia xo

    Our friends don't even know we did IVF, let alone how much lol. Only because I didn't want everyone asking how it was going all the time.

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  3. #602
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    Quote Originally Posted by Justme007 View Post
    Hi @Kalina,

    It must be tricky to decide and I wonder if you need extra stress at the moment...

    And of course all friends are not created equal!

    A friend of mine who fell pregnant at 44/45yo with DE just told people who were ‘amazed’ that it had been a long IVF journey - which is pretty accurate! They also only told some siblings, not all.

    Hope this may get you thinking what direction feels right with you.

    I have some lovely close friends but thinking if I was in your situation and one was to tell her sister and I’m not a fan of her gossipy sister anyway and her knowing would annoy me .... so there may be the ‘flow on’ consequences to consider.

    Maybe having had one child it’s less of a shock when you do get pregnant at an older age? Sorry I’m not sure of your age exactly!

    All the very best, just do what feels right for you!

    Good luck, and I’m sure your announcement will be warmly received!

    JM x
    Thanks @Justme007 - thats exactly it, all friends are not created equal and I hate to think someone would be looking at our (hopefully) baby and thinking...I don't know what.

    I'm 42, so pregnancy wouldn't be unheard of, but honestly I don't want to pretend it was some kind of natural miracle when it was anything but. I know some women get pregnant naturally at my age, but lots don't and I don't want to perpetuate this myth that it's nothing out of the ordinary.

    On top of this I'm proud of all of us here as a cohort for going through so much, for persisting - I don't want to do anything to push this struggle further into the shadows, so it's a lot to weigh up.

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  5. #603
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    @gorgeousgeorge that's hilarious. No, I don't know her name - they only tell us once we decide whether to keep them or give them back. Good on you for being so open about donation. It's what I want to do really, but am sitting on that bit of the story while I work out where these feelings are now coming from.
    Maybe it's because I've had thoughts cross my mind, like, will I bond with this baby like I did with DD. But then I remember having those same thoughts when I was pregnant before I lost my little boy - I think it's actually more of a second child thing than a de thing, my mum told me that when she was pregnant with me she was secretly scared she wouldn't love me as much as my brother, her firstborn.

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  7. #604
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    @Kalina, I agree, it’s just so wonderful that you’re at this point to be having these dilemmas!

    I felt unsure early in pregnancy too as to who to tell as I’d only told very very close friends and family what we were going to Greece for. I ended up deciding to tell people who would close to the twins as they grow up, as we were 100% sure we wanted the twins to know from as early as possible, and wanted them to be able to talk about it with the people around them if they chose to. So this ended up meaning that I told all of my friends, close family and my mother’s group and others whose kids will be around the twins as they grow up. I didn’t tell anyone at work as they all thought my Greece trip was a holiday and didn’t know about ivf at all as I needed a space where I didn’t have to talk about it.

    If you’re like me, you’ll likely just ‘know’ at some point who to tell and how, so perhaps give yourself some more time and space to think and it will become clearer?

    And same as @gorgeousgeorge, everyone has been supportive, mostly curious and find it pretty interesting/cool. I have felt that people are impressed with our strength and perseverance to have kept trying to achieve our dream. I have experienced absolutely no judgement, which is maybe just lucky but I hope that you and all the other ladies on here also have the same experience.

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  9. #605
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    Thank you @Peninsula Girl - so true, I thank my lucky stars I'm sitting here with this dilemma. In the world of infertility, it's a first world problem huh.

    I think I will just sit on it for a while, until things are clearer in my head. I suspect that like you said I'll just know at some point, if we're lucky enough for this pregnancy to progress.

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  11. #606
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kalina View Post
    Thank you @Phia xo

    Our friends don't even know we did IVF, let alone how much lol. Only because I didn't want everyone asking how it was going all the time.
    Totally understandable. I told people at first when I had naive hope but then stopped telling and they stopped asking cause i couldn't bear to give them more bad news and say it out loud. I didnt tell anyone at all about my trips to greece, not even my mum. I told everyone at work i was going north to see a new specialist, which was technically true because Athens is north of NSW. I kept worrying I'd die in some crazy accident in Greece and my mum wouldnt believe the authorities if they informed her.

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  13. #607
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kalina View Post
    @gorgeousgeorge that's hilarious. No, I don't know her name - they only tell us once we decide whether to keep them or give them back. Good on you for being so open about donation. It's what I want to do really, but am sitting on that bit of the story while I work out where these feelings are now coming from.
    Maybe it's because I've had thoughts cross my mind, like, will I bond with this baby like I did with DD. But then I remember having those same thoughts when I was pregnant before I lost my little boy - I think it's actually more of a second child thing than a de thing, my mum told me that when she was pregnant with me she was secretly scared she wouldn't love me as much as my brother, her firstborn.
    I can totally understand that. I think it's a good idea to sit on it for a while because once its done, it cant be undone and its sensible and healthy to think long and hard about important family stuff. I think im really lucky in life in that I have really good friends, none of those half friends or frenemy people you have to associate with bit dont really like iykwim. All my friends today are the same people i made friends with at my "coming of age" in around Year 8 so they've been my genuine friends for over 25 years and many of my closest work colleagues are my actual teachers from when I went to school! So my situation might be a little unique.
    Im also glad you shared about the 2nd baby thing because i have been feeling the same way. Very grateful, dont get me wrong but i have been a little upset at first and worried overall about a new baby changing our little trio family, which has beem just perfect for us this last year...im worried I wont be able to spend all my time and energy on Vivi and worried about how to give 100% to 2 kids at the same time. I do hope this isnt insensitive to mention on our thread as im well aware the idea of getting 2 children is an unbelievably wonderful thing...its something id never even dared hope for and have actually always wanted. It was just that id planned to go back to greece maybe in 4 years so I could dote in Vivi for the entire time and I didnt want to have to compromise any aspect of her childhood being too busy. Ive also been worried about it seeming unfair to her about the whole different aspects of their conception and having 1 donor child and 1 genetic child. I was always going to explain to her that I chose anonymous donor ivf because mummy couldn't have a baby by herself and that won't fly anymore. I guess its always that thing of the unknown future possibilties that make you worry. I should also consider the unknown positive future possibilites, like she might love having a sibling and not care as much as I worry about with regards to the donor thing. Im glad this bubba is a boy though so she will always be my special little girl..and sounds a bit morbid but should probably wait until I actually get a take home baby before I worry about any of this. Thank you for sharing though. I do try and remember quite a few of us have a genetic child and a donor baby, just not in the same order as me
    Lol and the comment from the girl about if i knew vivi's name always reminds me of cabbage patch kids, as if the embryo comes in a box with a little name certificate telling me all about her. I had a cabbage patch kid when I was 5 and when I took her out of the box, I read her certificate and she had the same bloody first name as me. I was soo upset because I was like, people are gonna think its stupid that me and my doll have the same name.
    Last edited by gorgeousgeorge; 15-01-2019 at 22:29.

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  15. #608
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    @gorgeousgeorge thank goodness they don’t name DE babies because I’d hate for that traumatic cabbage patch incident to happen to you a second time!

    And I thought it was just me that worried about plane crash or taxi crash (so believable racing out / to Athens airport) with regards to the ‘explain that one’.

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  17. #609
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    Quote Originally Posted by Justme007 View Post
    @gorgeousgeorge thank goodness they don’t name DE babies because I’d hate for that traumatic cabbage patch incident to happen to you a second time!

    And I thought it was just me that worried about plane crash or taxi crash (so believable racing out / to Athens airport) with regards to the ‘explain that one’.
    Hahaha i never thought of that. Oh i am laughing out loud, can you imagine? "she named her kid after herself, what a weirdo!"
    Yeah I made sure I registered my travel plans with smart traveller just in case.

    You wouldnt believe it, my grandparents live in Mascot so i always popped in to say hi and left my car at theirs whenever I went to Greece. The third time I went, my aunty had moved in with them semi-permanently as they are elderly. About an hour before I was due to go to the airport, she told me she had got a new job and that she had to get ready for work as she started her shift in half an hout. So I asked her where she was working...
    "Sydney Airport"...
    Which terminal?...
    "International"
    Doing what?
    "Checking people in at the boarding gates"
    Which airline...
    "Qatar" (The airline i was flying with)
    I was like OMG, if I get to the boarding gate and have to hand my pass to my aunty when she thinks im going to QLD how am i going to explain that!!!
    I was internally freaking the F out!
    Anyways, tried to remain all casual, then because my cousin was there too, they were all like she can drive you to the airport. And I was like Nooooo because i didnt know how to explain i had to be dropped off at international not domestic. Had to have one of those ethnic maltese arguments to say no thanks a million times. I just pulled my cousin aside and said i really wanted to practise catching the train to learn how to do it.

    Anyways, my aunty wasnt at my boarding gate thank god but i was hiding around the corner when i got there just to check and figure out what i was going to say just in case...something like "Hi, im not going to Brisbane, don't tell Mum, no time to explain, don't worry about me, bye".

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  19. #610
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    @gorgeousgeorge OMG that’s incredible re your Aunty! I see this as a movie scene in the vein of Muriel’s Wedding (no offence!)

    I also have a cousin who works in domestic check in, but I panic every time that he will be working international check in with a partner airline by chance, and see me, even if I’m flying with a different airline...

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