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    Default Worried about my son's behaviour starting school

    Hi, long time lurker here but I think I really need some advice here so I'm jumping in.

    My 5.5 year old boy has always been a handful. He has an older sister, who was pretty intense but we consider we've been pretty successful with her behaviour, so I'm sort of feeling like it's him and not us. I hope that makes sense.

    He's gone to daycare since 1 and always got moved up rooms early because he started to make problems like hitting other kids and they would get better in the new room. This year he goes to 4yo kinder plus daycare on the other days. We're in Vic so he starts Prep next year.

    Daycare grab me almost every other pick up to tell me something about his behaviour, either being very emotional, not sharing, losing his temper, refusing to pack up/wash hands and at worst hurting another child or aggression/hitting towards his teachers. They said they were going to get a service where someone comes to observe but I haven't heard anything. No one has suggested he needs any form of testing.

    His kinder seem to manage him better but he still has a lot of refusing to follow instructions and not doing what everyone else does. They describe him as "a boundary pusher". Earlier this year I asked the main teacher who has 20+ years of experience if he had any red flags and if he needs any testing and she said she did not think so.

    Now his transition to school sessions have started, 1 hour a week, and I have twice had a call from the prep teachers about him running off and refusing to follow instructions. The last time he apparently lashed out at the aide too!

    I work as an aide in another school and I've done every checklist I can find for him and I just don't think he will get 'diagnosed' with anything. I know the kids I work with are at the more extreme end (enough to get funding) but his social behaviours seem pretty typical and he has no delays. He does amazing drawings, better than most of what I see in the grade 2 class I'm in this year! He also has an impressive memory sometimes and talks to me about the 'picture in my brain' and recall something from a year ago in detail. His big sister is quite a bit ahead at school, so I'm guessing his brain is pretty switched on.

    My husband is starting to get really frustrated with him and thinks 'he needs to see someone'. He has no idea who or what he wants from it. I explained to him that I believe they won't be able to put him in some box and magically press a button that will 'fix' him.

    My plan is to organise a meeting with his prep teacher as soon as they confirm what class he will be in and give them lists of all the strategies that have worked for us, daycare and kinder. I'm also dropping one of my days at work so I can be around more if he makes problems.

    Beyond that, I just don't know what else we can do. I never really understood people who chose to homeschool, but I feel like my boy is just not going to fit the way things are done at school. For example at his swimming lessons they are just starting to learn freestyle arms, but last week he refused because he's decided breastroke type arms are better. He always has his own logic for refusing so I can just see him arguing every little thing with the teacher and driving them up the wall!

    If you read my ramble this far, thanks! I don't know what advice I need. Maybe just something from those parents of kids who have issues but nothing explain why? Or if you had major concerns before school and what helped when they started school?

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    Default Worried about my son's behaviour starting school


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    I agree with BigRedV - have you considered ODD before?

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    Sounds very much like my DSS. He has ODD tendencies, but his official diagnosis is ADHD. His ODD tendencies come from he can only see what he wants, and if we tell him not to, he will do it any way. He can’t think far enough ahead to see the consequences for his actions.

    You need to try and get ahead of it - it can take months to get assessments and appointments, especially if you do it public. Since having a diagnosis for DSS it’s really helped the school with strategies and help for him.

    Try starting him on omega 3. Blackmore has a kids chewable one. Since starting DSS on that we’ve gone from every other day calls from school because of his behaviour to maybe a call a month. He’s staying in class now, not running off, and is doing so much better. It’s been proven to be beneficial with ADHD, ADD and ODD.

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    As far as "what else we can do", my first step would be seeing a paed about all this to refer you to the appropriate people for testing etc.

    I had concerns about my daughter's behaviours and even though she didn't end up with an official diagnosis, they were still able to give us so.e great strategies.

    Teachers and educators aren't experts in diagnosing child behaviours so even if they have a million years experience and feel there are no red flags, they may very well be wrong.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mod-Degrassi View Post
    I agree with BigRedV - have you considered ODD before?
    Quote Originally Posted by Mod-Degrassi View Post
    I agree with BigRedV - have you considered ODD before?
    I've come across it previously in a school I worked in but only when it's hand in hand with ADHD, plus I didn't work with either child directly a lot. One I know had a lot of trauma background and was possibly FAS affected, so they ticked a lot of the risk factors in the link posted. Both those kids were really 'wild' though. My son's not really like that, he's focused and determined and can be good as gold for days (with me at least) but then snap over something. Sometimes it's anger, other times it's just he doesn't like what we're doing (had a stand off the other day because he refused to brush his teth because it's boring). He's been to about 6 transition sessions so far, has run off at two but had no issue at any others.

    I guess I don't know if he would meet the 'constant' aspect of ODD. The list of environmental factors don't apply, hubby and I vary a bit in that I very much focus on positives whereas he's quicker to jump in and punish a negative, but we're very consistent in terms of what behaviour is acceptable or not.

    I guess the picture in my head of what ODD looks like it not what I see in DS but perhaps I have rose coloured glasses on because I try to focus on the positives so much.

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    Quote Originally Posted by JaneyJay View Post
    My son's not really like that, he's focused and determined and can be good as gold for days (with me at least) but then snap over something. Sometimes it's anger, other times it's just he doesn't like what we're doing (had a stand off the other day because he refused to brush his teth because it's boring). He's been to about 6 transition sessions so far, has run off at two but had no issue at any others.
    This is my DSS. He can be amazing for days at a time, and behaves differently for his mother than he does for me and his dad. She’s always saying she doesn’t see the behaviours that we or his teachers see. If its something he likes he has focus for days, and for things he likes he is so incredibly knowledgeable about them. He’s a bright, curious kid, but if it “bores” him he has no interest.

    We had a twenty minute stand off the other day because he refused to change his underwear when getting dressed for school. The other big fight lately is that he simply refuses to wipe his bottom when he goes number 2. Because apparently it takes too long. The consequence of that is that we make him change his underwear constantly, which he hates doing and so we end up in a screaming match because he needs to change his undies so he doesn’t smell! This is what I meant before in that he doesn’t see the long term consequences of his actions - he doesn’t connect the dots between having to change his undies that night after not wiping that morning at school.

    He will lose his cool over the tiniest things and have outrageous reactions when he is told no, and storms off and won’t even let us explain. Once he calms down and we explain the situation, he apologises and accepts our explanation. Gets worse when he’s tired or having a “bad” day.


 

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