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  1. #1
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    Default BLINDSIGHTED by break up

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    Last edited by Mummamania; 02-01-2020 at 20:00.

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    Your poor, poor daughter what an a$$ of a move on her boyfriends part
    Do you and her sister live in the same town?
    I think she really just needs her mum right now... be there for her, let her talk if she wants, let her cry
    I've never been through anything like this, but I just hope you can maybe encourage/convince her to take some time to work through her emotions, put a plan in place and to think about things before she makes any rash decisions.

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    SuperGranny is offline Worlds best grandma! Winner 2012 - Most Helpful Member
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    wow. There is so many people involved in this. Your daughter has to decide for herself where she wants to go from here. If she has some time to consider the options, she must try to direct her thoughts to what she wants for her future. This will not be easy because she will need to go though some grief for the lost relationship. Is it possible that the boyfriend will change his mind and not go back to his mum. ?? It is kinda understandable, if his mum is really not coping, and he feels he is more needed there than with your daughter. As for your exh, I wonder if he is really just trying to upset you, or could he be thinking of what is best.? I suggest your daughter takes as much time as she can and really size up every possible outcome. I hope she is able to choose the best path for her long term future. hugs, marie.

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    I don’t think the boyfriend has done anything wrong, he may have fallen out of love with her, and it’s as simple as that? Better now than later on.
    If they have a house together, wouldn’t they sell that and work out a settlement? So she should be able to rent somewhere and carry on as she is now?
    Sorry but I feel you are blowing this out if proportion. She is old enough to make up her own mind where she lives, surely she sees the opportunities presented in her current state with finishing uni and working. However if she wants to move closer to her father that should be ok too? The only thing I’d advise is that no major decisions are made while she is grieving. A very similar thing happened to me in my early 20s and this was the advice I got.

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    Default BLINDSIGHTED by break up

    My boyfriend (now dh) dumped me out of the blue about 4-5 years in. Felt too young to be in a serious relationship and single life was painted as freedom by his fellow mates (you mentioned he had just been on a fishing trip).
    He came crawling back less than a week later saying he made a big mistake.
    It’s can be scary to find the “one” so soon and feel you are not get a chance at the single life, they are still very young. He still may be unsure and that’s sensible to take a break.

    As it only happened last night I think it’s important not to catastrophize. It may not be a permanent break. Or your daughter may sob for a few days straight then realise it’s for the best. It’s also ok for her to choose her path, or take a break, she can always get back on track after. It’s her break up, not yours (I know it’s hard being a mother and helpless). Just be there to support her.

    Also, watch what you say in case they ever get back together, your daughter will remember it
    Last edited by Little Miss Sunshine; 02-10-2018 at 15:18.

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    I think you're prematurely stressing over something that may not even happen.
    It's unlikely your dd will up and move before completing her final placement, so she has time to move forward from the break up (that's if they don't get back together) and make decisions with some proper thought.

    Your ex may be doing it as an up yours, or he may care about his daughter and offered it as support and so she has options. Given he knows less than a day after they broke up and you're worried that she may actually move, they obviously have some form of a reasonable relationship.

    She's an adult and, while it hurts to see your kids hurt, all you can do is be there for her.

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    Quote Originally Posted by MummaOJ View Post
    I don’t think the boyfriend has done anything wrong, he may have fallen out of love with her, and it’s as simple as that? Better now than later on.
    If they have a house together, wouldn’t they sell that and work out a settlement? So she should be able to rent somewhere and carry on as she is now?
    Sorry but I feel you are blowing this out if proportion. She is old enough to make up her own mind where she lives, surely she sees the opportunities presented in her current state with finishing uni and working. However if she wants to move closer to her father that should be ok too? The only thing I’d advise is that no major decisions are made while she is grieving. A very similar thing happened to me in my early 20s and this was the advice I got.
    100% agree, while it is sad the BF hasn’t done anything wrong.

    I had a horrific breakup at 23, weeks before we were due to get married. I was totally lost initially but as time went on I was ok and now can clearly see that it was for the best.

    Guide her and be a listening ear but I don’t think you need to drop everything and accomodate her nor do I think you can stop her moving to the city.

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    I think it’s baby steps right now.
    She may want to get away. Can you offer a couch for a couple of nights? It’s not the same but she may want to be near family.
    I think about a big break up sometimes we just need room to breathe, room to talk, room to cry, room to sleep.
    Also discourage big life changing decisions until she’s had time to reflect and make decisions (rather than reactions) about her future.
    If they have a house together does she have to leave? If it’s rented can she stay and have a room mate move in? If it’s owned, can she stay until they work out what they’re doing? Does she have any close girlfriends who could come and stay with her for a couple of nights to just be there?
    Break ups are hard. No matter how well they’re managed or not. It hurts.
    Huge hugs for your DD it’s not going to be an easy time for a little while at least

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