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  1. #1
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    Default Relationship issues

    Hi

    I’m a little scared in posting this as I think I know what the answers are going to be. I’ve been married twice. DD1 is 5 and DD2 is 8 months. DD2 is to my current DH and DD1 is not. When I met current DH, he was into health and fitness, he was sweet and caring and lovely with DD1.

    Fast forward three or so years, I’m not sure I thought it all through properly or got caught up in the romance and excitement of our whirlwind romance. I don’t feel like we have much in common, he’s very sarcastic and can be nasty at times to me, he’s inpatient with DD1 (it’s clear he prefers it when she’s not with us), and he’s stop doing anything about his physical health/weight that I’m not feeling attracted to him at all. He says he wants to change but makes little no effort. He eats any processed/junk food that’s in the house for a treat and has no restraint. He works hard and long hours and sits at night doing paperwork for his business while I put both girls to bed, make and clean up dinner and prepare DD1’s school stuff plus get up to DD2 throughout the night. I also work 2-3 days in a senior/stressful role. He’s quite introverted and doesn’t like socialising or having people over so we rarely do this (also because he’s always working) and I go along to almost all kids birthday parties on my own. I like socialising and hosting events.

    He loves DD2 but isn’t around very often to do much with her. I’ve been sitting here crying today as DD2 is sick and he’s out with his friends. I said to go but we had a minor disagreement before he left where he told me to ‘get f...ed’. I’ve told him before I don’t want a marriage where we speak to each other like that but he says that I do it as well and he just doesn’t think it’s a big deal. Apparently, it’s ok and I should just harden up. He won’t do counselling.....


    Ahh... sorry for the essay. Feeling like I can’t talk to anyone about this in real life as I don’t want two failed marriages

  2. #2
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    didn’t want to read and run. big hugs. is counseling an option? it doesn’t sound like anything major has happened (cheating etc) so to me, provided you’re both on board, i think this sounds quite saveable. perhaps he’s depressed? or just bogged down with work? or the daily grind and sheen and novelty of a whirlwind romance has worn off and he feels a bit blah about it all? all marriages go through peaks and troughs. his attitude to your dd1 would be my biggest concern. have you had a chat with him to find out where he’s at and whether he’d be open to counseling?

  3. #3
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    That sounds really tough. I agree that he sounds like he is depressed, if he won’t go to counseling together then maybe go by yourself. You shouldn’t stay in a bad situation because of the stigma of a second divorce!

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    Thanks ladies. He has a history of depression but because one course of meds weren’t helpful and had he didn’t like the psych, he keeps looking up self-help stuff but not putting it into practice. He can see he’s trying but he won’t listen to reason when I suggest making small changes rather than the massive overhaul he expects he can manage. I think I will go by myself. I don’t feel depressed but am anxious about this and I prefer it when it’s just the girls and I as there is no tension

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    And no - he won’t go to couples counselling

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    (((Hugs))) I feel for you, and if he's not receptive or open to any couple counselling, the only thing I can think of (if it were me in your shoes) is to have a very frank chat with him to see where his head's at, and to tell him things need to change on all fronts (both with you and him).

    Does he have a sibling he's close to, a Sister or brother you could chat to, maybe get some support there?

    I always say a problem shared is a problem halved, so please talk. Don't let the fear of being judged for having "two failed marriages" stop you from seeking support. You would be surprised how many people can relate to similar issues, particularly blended families etc.

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