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  1. #1
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    Default Having a third baby...or not

    I have a toddler and a preschooler. Dh has only ever wanted 2 kids while I’ve always wanted 3. There’s a tonne of reasons for us to not have a third but I can’t seem to shake the feeling or want to have another baby. I can’t get rid of the baby stuff because I feel so sad doing it 😕
    Does this feeling go away? Some days I definitely feel done with 2 but other days I just really want another baby. I don’t want years to go by and regret not having another and then it’s too late.

  2. #2
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    I guess it depends on the reasons not to have another. For us it was more a question if I could handle it, and any other issues were things we could work around (getting a bigger car for example). I was questioning whether we were making the right choice but by the time she was born it was no question about it, it was the right choice.

  3. #3
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    It didn’t go away for me.

    We initially agreed on two but after ds2 was born I just felt like someone was missing.
    We fought a lot ~ dh didn’t want a 3rd and it took 6 months of persuading to get him to come around.

    I couldn’t imagine life now without ds3 and neither could dh. I definitely don’t feel the need for another. He just was meant to be part of our family.

    Admittedly finances are impacted but not so much that it outweighed the want for a 3rd.

  4. #4
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    It went away for me. Mine are 5yo and 18 months and while my youngest was little I was really unsure about whether I was really done (hubby 100% was) but now I’m gleefully chucking out or donating everything as DS finishes with it
    I have turned my focus to my career now which has probably helped.
    What’s your reason for wanting a third, are you bored or needing a hobby? Or can you visualize a third little person joining your family and it brings you happiness?

  5. #5
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    Thanks ladies.
    @JR03 definitely not bored I’ve been studying and just finished, and back at work now too - been a mental year for me!
    I can definitely start focusing more on a career from next year as DS1 goes into kindy and ds2 gets a bit more independent. I just feel like I can’t let go of the idea of having 3 - I always just thought I would.

    cons are many and varied but basically come down to my body not doing pregnancy well - had serious scary complications, DH has been very put off having any more and a lot also comes down to this which is fair enough tbh.
    Financially we can do more with 2 than 3. We have a tonne of stuff we need to spend money on with our house, I want to kick start my new career soon but probably need to still wait a bit longer until ds2 is a year older just due to the workload.

    But it I still feel some days like it would be nice to have 3 kids growing up together and 3 adult kids. I was one of 3 and I like having 2 others to talk to and rely on. I loved giving birth and seeing their faces for the first time and I really want again.

    I really don’t think DH will ever agree to having a third so I’m kind of just hoping this feeling will go away.

  6. #6
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    After having ds1 I knew I wanted more even though a nasty divorce. A 9 year gap later and ds2 was born but new dh and I knew well more me knew i wanted 1 more so ds2 would have a buddy to play with at home unlike ds1 who grew up alone for 9 years and was very lonely in parts he still is because of the age difference

    Now we have dd who is 7 weeks and I know I’m 150% done. My tubes where tied during my c-sec last month. I’m even bundling up all the clothes into nappy boxes and sorting by size to sell at a massive garage sale we’ll have next year. I’ve got clothes boxed up from 0000 to size 2 (boys) and linen I know won’t get used anymore.

    I’m keeping a few keepsakes for the kids for when they have kids one day. My pumpkin patch won’t be going I’ll keep that as it’s still all in new condition plus I didn’t have that much of it anyways

  7. #7
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    I'm the opposite to you in some ways - I always thought I would have two and never saw myself having three or more, never had that craving for a loud noisy house. But now I have my two boys I really want a third, I just love every stage so much more than I ever expected - I love pregnancy, birth (sort of haha), watching them grow and loving them. Luckily DH always wanted three so now we are on the same page and we are going to start TTC in December (I think my DS2 is the same age as yours). I am really hoping I feel done after that, because there's no way I feel done now!!

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    After DD2 was born I had that feeling of not being sure if we were done. DH was adamant we were done but I couldn’t imagine getting rid of the baby stuff and would feel really sad every time DD2 reached a milestone and I’d think oh I’ll never see that again.

    The universe made the decision for us and we ended up have DS and I can say now I truly know I’m done. I’m happily giving the baby stuff away and I don’t have that sense of sadness and longing. Our family feels complete. I think when you’re done you really truly do know it.

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    I have never felt 'done'. Im not sure that feeling ever comes for some people.

  10. #10
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    We are pregnant with no.5 and it was supposed to be our last. I already feel sad about it. Not sure if i will ever feel done. Dh is open to more, but we ll see how we feel after this one.. i love my kids and all the hard work that comes with having them.
    When i m old I wont regret not working more or not spending money on unimportant stuff, but having my kids and grandkids come and visit will make my heart full.

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