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    Default 21 mth old -Issues with sleeping - please help

    Please help me.

    I have had a break from Bubhub as I wasn’t in the best of places mentally after the birth of DD2. But I need help.

    We have two DD’s, DD1 is four in November and DD2 is two in December. DD2 doesn’t sleep. DH and I are utterly exhausted and don’t know what to do. We both work full time and last week I fell asleep at my desk reading a document and DH has fallen asleep at the traffic lights in the past. We are constantly battling colds and my skin has gone to s**t. We are lucky if we get 3-4 hours a night, and that would be broken. Every night is the same, I now dread going to bed as I know its only going to be for an hour or two. I am close to breaking point.

    She goes down fine, sometimes falls asleep on us, but mostly on her own in her cot, it depends how tired she is. Then she wakes. Any time from midnight onwards. And then up for at least an hour, but more often than not 2-4 hours. Wide awake. She’s often still up at 6am to start the day. I feel so sad for her as she must be so tired too.

    We did CC about a month ago which seemed to work and we had her sleeping probably five nights a week and the two she’d wake she’s be up for maybe an hour. Then she got sick and that put an end to that.

    We’ve tried to cosleep but she just gets excited when she gets in our bed and starts playing around with the pillows. Some nights I climb in her cot and just lie there until she falls asleep but this can take hours. Sometimes DH lies on her floor and again, this can take hours.

    She has one sleep a day, from 11:30-1pm and we put her down about 7.30pm. Any earlier than this and she takes too long to self-settle and ends up crying and very upset. We’ve tried cutting her day sleep down, changing the time, not having a day sleep, nothing makes a difference.

    Last night we tried a later bedtime so about 8pm and all was going well until DD1 decided to come into our room about 1.30am and slammed the baby gate which then woke up DD2. But we are under no illusion that she would have woken anyway.

    It’s got to the point now where every night DD1 is coming into our bed as DD2 is waking her up then in the morning they are both feral as they are overtired. It can be also be quite hard to get DD1 back to sleep once she’s awake. DH is a god send and we take it in turns, more often than not he deals with DD2 as she tends to scream for daddy and I deal with DD1.

    We’ve considered CC again but the last three nights DD2 has woken up hysterical to the point where she wants to get out of her room. If we don’t take her out she screams so much I am scared she will vomit. She’s also eating like a fly at dinner time and now demands milkie when she wakes up. She woke up again at 430am this morning crying but by the time I dragged myself out of bed and gone to the loo she had just about stopped and then did go back to sleep.

    Everyone kept saying wait til she hit 12 months and she’ll sleep, then 18 mths, but nothing is changing.

    I’ve rung Ngala and they just tell us to stand at her door and tell her to go back to sleep. Cue hysterical DD.

    What can we do? I feel like a complete and utter failure as a mother. Our household is falling apart as none of us are sleeping.

    Sorry this is so long, I’m just trying to explain the whole situation.

    Please help.

  2. #2
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    What happened when you cut out her nap?

    My DD3 started to fight day napping around 18 months and I just went with it. I keep her up purposefully now from about 6am - 5pm every day. She conks out at 5-6pm and though she might wake and ask for water once during the night, especially if there is heating going, she has a cold etc, she generally does the 11 hours straight no issue.

    If you tried keeping her up and it didn't work straight away I'd suggest giving it another go. It might take a little while to adjust.

    Another factor is food. This is when toddlers are really starting to eat from the family table more and she might be having trouble digesting certain things, it could be waking her up etc, or perhaps she is hungry and waking for food. You are saying she doesn't eat much for dinner - this could be a huge factor. It's one thing to "dream feed" (breastfeed) this age through the night while all are half asleep, and settle again, but another for a weaned child to wake up hungry and thirsty. They just won't get back to sleep without food.

    So I would definitely be looking at the dinner time issue. If she doesn't eat what's on offer, offer something else until you get a win. The aim here is a full tummy for a good night's sleep, not conform to what's on offer just yet. My 22 month old adores rice, cooked rice sometimes in stock, or just in water with butter. When she has just a few tablespoons of this before bed, I know she will sleep like a log. Try to find your little one's favourite and get her to eat up before bed every night.

    Good luck. You are not a failure! These are very trying years in ways and the fact you both work full time would be very difficult to juggle as well. Hope it improves quickly.

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  4. #3
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    Like @BornToBe we stopped my ds having naps at 2 as otherwise he would be up until 11am every night and get up by 8am. Once he stopped having naps he would sleep 6.30pm - 7am.

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    Thank you

    On the days she has not had a nap she is awake from about 10:30pm - 3/3.30am straight, so even worse. I don't think she would get through the day without it as come 11am she is very tired, and this was on the nights that she would very occasionally sleep through as well (the few weeks where she slept 5/7 nights).

    She has always been a good eater but we had gastro last week and she has had a bit of a sore tummy since (she keeps saying her tummy is sore).....last night I wanted to see if she was hungry so I gave her a wagon wheel and she didn't want that so she can't have been hungry; if on the rare occasion she doesn't like what I've got for her I will always give her something else...she loves pasta. So I think the milk at night is because she's hungry but I don't want that also turning into a habit and you know what kids are like, you can't force them. When she says shes finished and hands the bowl back over there is no hope of getting anything else into her....she is quite strong willled!

    So maybe the tummy ache is what has had her screaming the last few nights, I just can't figure it out. The only time in her life she has slept was from about 5-6 mths (so about a month straight but even then not every night) then teething ramped up and its been game on ever since.

    I just want her to sleep. I'm sick of hearing about all these kids that sleep all night. Even every other night would be great at the moment. A girl at work told me I should be grateful I have two girls and I am, I love them both fiercely, but I don't think our need for sleep cancels that out. It really is a special form of torture.

    Thank you for taking the time to reply.

    Quote Originally Posted by BornToBe View Post
    What happened when you cut out her nap?

    My DD3 started to fight day napping around 18 months and I just went with it. I keep her up purposefully now from about 6am - 5pm every day. She conks out at 5-6pm and though she might wake and ask for water once during the night, especially if there is heating going, she has a cold etc, she generally does the 11 hours straight no issue.

    If you tried keeping her up and it didn't work straight away I'd suggest giving it another go. It might take a little while to adjust.

    Another factor is food. This is when toddlers are really starting to eat from the family table more and she might be having trouble digesting certain things, it could be waking her up etc, or perhaps she is hungry and waking for food. You are saying she doesn't eat much for dinner - this could be a huge factor. It's one thing to "dream feed" (breastfeed) this age through the night while all are half asleep, and settle again, but another for a weaned child to wake up hungry and thirsty. They just won't get back to sleep without food.

    So I would definitely be looking at the dinner time issue. If she doesn't eat what's on offer, offer something else until you get a win. The aim here is a full tummy for a good night's sleep, not conform to what's on offer just yet. My 22 month old adores rice, cooked rice sometimes in stock, or just in water with butter. When she has just a few tablespoons of this before bed, I know she will sleep like a log. Try to find your little one's favourite and get her to eat up before bed every night.

    Good luck. You are not a failure! These are very trying years in ways and the fact you both work full time would be very difficult to juggle as well. Hope it improves quickly.
    Last edited by Molros; 19-09-2018 at 14:48.

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    The other 'problem' I guess is we don't get home until 5.30-5.50 so getting her down by 6.30pm would be near impossible And she does go down easy enough at bedtime, its just when she wakes up the problem starts.....

    And then everytime she does miss a day nap it turns into an even worse than normal night!

    Its so hard isn't it

    I might try and get some pasta/Greek yoghurt into her just before bed and just before her milk so there's definitely something filling in her tummy
    Last edited by Molros; 19-09-2018 at 14:50.

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    I’m trying to remember all the things on my ‘check-list’ I went through if either of mine went through a phase of waking (generally they both slept through from a young age). First was making sure to get to bed by 7pm, second my cousin always said “more sleep = more sleep” which was SO true for mine (having decent naps in the day led to better sleep overnight), and third was are they cold. I always had them dressed very warmly. More often than not adding an extra singlet or socks helped.

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    it is super hard.

    I agree with the others it could well be an issue tied to food. I know toddler milk isnt necessary - but it can be super helpful if you think she is waking up because she is hungry.

    I would perhaps give a night time bottle (it sounds like a regression, but worth a try) before bed and see how that goes.

    Is she teething? it might also be pain related if she is getting major teeth?

    Otherwise, maybe try a mattress on the floor in her room - so when she wakes, she has to stay in her cot, but one of you sleep on the mattress in her room so you can still sleep and she may re-settle on her own

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    I don't think I explained properly, but she has dinner about 6pm then 270mls of warm cows milk before bed. my kids both love their milk before bed, even DD2 has a big cup before bed!She is 21 months old and has probably slept through the night 20-25 times in her entire life. This is why we are so tired What have we done so completely wrong that she has woken up almost every night since she was born. It breaks my heart to see the bags under her eyesDo some kids just not sleep? My MIL told me this morning its because we both work full time she doesn't spend enough time with us. I thought that was an awful thing to say. we cant be the only parents that work full time?

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    What does she wear to bed (how many layers etc) and does she have a sleep bag? If she’s cold she’ll wake a lot instead of drifting into the next sleep cycle.

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    My DD has never 'slept through' and she is 2.5yo. Is it worse recently? Or always been like that?

    We have had bad nights from teething and stomach pain and that causes her to wake and she can't sleep until pain relief is given. She gets to bed fine on those nights.

    Otherwise luckily she goes to sleep easily if we cosleep.

    My DS did not 'sleep through' until closer to 3 as well.

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