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  1. #101
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    While I do think it's important to notify Girl Guides to some degree (they don't necessarily need to know that your dd is pregnant) if it did happen at camp so they can make some changes, I don't think it's worth making a big deal of *where* it happened, more so how and why. Let's face it, teenagers can be sneaky, and if they want to do it, they're going to find a way. I'd be focusing on things like was it consensual? Is your dd truly aware of safe sex?

    Has she decided what she wants to do?
    Be honest about how active a role you are willing to take on. YOU didn't plan this and it's okay to not want to raise another child.
    Does she understand just how many sacrifices she will have to make? Not just now, but in years to come.
    Organise a meeting with someone to discuss adoption; how active she can be in the selection process, how open it will be. Try tp give her as much information about her options.

  2. #102
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    Quote Originally Posted by atomicmama View Post
    While I do think it's important to notify Girl Guides to some degree (they don't necessarily need to know that your dd is pregnant) if it did happen at camp so they can make some changes, I don't think it's worth making a big deal of *where* it happened, more so how and why. Let's face it, teenagers can be sneaky, and if they want to do it, they're going to find a way. I'd be focusing on things like was it consensual? Is your dd truly aware of safe sex?

    Has she decided what she wants to do?
    Be honest about how active a role you are willing to take on. YOU didn't plan this and it's okay to not want to raise another child.
    Does she understand just how many sacrifices she will have to make? Not just now, but in years to come.
    Organise a meeting with someone to discuss adoption; how active she can be in the selection process, how open it will be. Try tp give her as much information about her options.
    There are a few of us adoptive mums on here (and perhaps some birth mums too) who I’m sure would be happy to help answer any questions you or your daughter might have about the process and contact after adoption. Please feel free to PM if you prefer.
    Last edited by bezzy; 28-07-2018 at 12:15. Reason: Typo

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  4. #103
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    Any updates?

  5. #104
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    OP I would love an update on how you’re all going?

  6. #105
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    She's doing well physically and emotionally. She's a little low in iron and is taking a supplement and the baby looks perfect. I'm very happy with that in my mind the thought of her creating a life was impossible for both of them to be healthy. As a family we are working out what's best for her and baby, her father and I have been very honest in her 3 options.

    1 parent the baby be on the birth certificate, you have to return to school next year and baby will go to day care. I will use my long service leave and annual leave to stay and help but we will help as grandparents you are the mother so changing nappies, feeding baby is your responsibility. If this is was she wants I have to let her experience parenthood the good, bad and ugly. We will obviously support them financially until she completes uni.

    2 her father and I parent we are on the birth certificate. She goes back to school 6 weeks after baby is born. Her life essentially goes back to normal. If we adopted the baby I can have about a year off with my works maternity leave, government maternity, Lal and annual leave. But it's not her problem her father and I will sort it out. She can spend as much time with baby as she wants completely up to her. The baby will always know who his "birth mother" is and that she was just to young to be a mother.

    3 adoption we have gone out to Holly's house in Ipswich to talk about what modern Australian adoption looks like and she at this point doesn't want the baby living with another family.

    We are not pushing her for a decision it's completely up to her in a counseling session we have gone through the pros and cons and it's completely up to her. Obviously we will continue to send her to counseling following the birth.

    We have spoken to the other family and the son confirmed that sexual contact had occurred once on Australia Day. It's hard to divulge all the information from the past but we were all aware of the girls sneaking off from camp we were all called to come get them. Me in my naivety never even though she could had sex we just thought it was some teenage rebellion and I had gone off about how unsafe and dangerous it was. I regret it now I should have acted different and maybe she could have told me she had had sex and we could have been proactive. The family are keen to keep things quite and have asked if they can see the baby when it's born.


    all honesty I wasn't sure if I should come back, when I was reading some of the things people had written I felt incredibly guilty for this whole situation, I also felt judged, but it helped me understand that this situation will always be surrounded in judgement and confusion as to how I let my daughter get into this. I'm very grateful for everyone who took the time to respond. I just wanted to let everyone know the way I handle this will affect my daughter and her baby for the rest of their lives. Those first few days I really did just want to strap her down and force her to tell me everything but it would have made everything worse she was scared her world had changed forever and she had no coping strategies for dealing with something so huge. I had no idea what to do, so I could only do what the professionals had told me was right.

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  8. #106
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    Thank you for coming back and giving us the update. When the situation is new, it is important to reach out for some support. I am sorry if you felt judged, but often what appears as judgement is really just looking for a clearer picture of what the circumstances are. I am glad you are seeking professional guidance, and professional support for your daughter. I wish you well for this journey. marie.

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  10. #107
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    Quote Originally Posted by freakingout View Post
    She's doing well physically and emotionally. She's a little low in iron and is taking a supplement and the baby looks perfect. I'm very happy with that in my mind the thought of her creating a life was impossible for both of them to be healthy. As a family we are working out what's best for her and baby, her father and I have been very honest in her 3 options.

    1 parent the baby be on the birth certificate, you have to return to school next year and baby will go to day care. I will use my long service leave and annual leave to stay and help but we will help as grandparents you are the mother so changing nappies, feeding baby is your responsibility. If this is was she wants I have to let her experience parenthood the good, bad and ugly. We will obviously support them financially until she completes uni.

    2 her father and I parent we are on the birth certificate. She goes back to school 6 weeks after baby is born. Her life essentially goes back to normal. If we adopted the baby I can have about a year off with my works maternity leave, government maternity, Lal and annual leave. But it's not her problem her father and I will sort it out. She can spend as much time with baby as she wants completely up to her. The baby will always know who his "birth mother" is and that she was just to young to be a mother.

    3 adoption we have gone out to Holly's house in Ipswich to talk about what modern Australian adoption looks like and she at this point doesn't want the baby living with another family.

    We are not pushing her for a decision it's completely up to her in a counseling session we have gone through the pros and cons and it's completely up to her. Obviously we will continue to send her to counseling following the birth.

    We have spoken to the other family and the son confirmed that sexual contact had occurred once on Australia Day. It's hard to divulge all the information from the past but we were all aware of the girls sneaking off from camp we were all called to come get them. Me in my naivety never even though she could had sex we just thought it was some teenage rebellion and I had gone off about how unsafe and dangerous it was. I regret it now I should have acted different and maybe she could have told me she had had sex and we could have been proactive. The family are keen to keep things quite and have asked if they can see the baby when it's born.


    all honesty I wasn't sure if I should come back, when I was reading some of the things people had written I felt incredibly guilty for this whole situation, I also felt judged, but it helped me understand that this situation will always be surrounded in judgement and confusion as to how I let my daughter get into this. I'm very grateful for everyone who took the time to respond. I just wanted to let everyone know the way I handle this will affect my daughter and her baby for the rest of their lives. Those first few days I really did just want to strap her down and force her to tell me everything but it would have made everything worse she was scared her world had changed forever and she had no coping strategies for dealing with something so huge. I had no idea what to do, so I could only do what the professionals had told me was right.
    You sound like you are doing well! I'm so glad. Absolutely no judgement from me! I think it's so easy from the outside to say what should be done.
    Your DD sounds like she is going as well as can be expected and I think you have handled this admirably.
    I hope that everything works out well for your whole family!
    Take care of yourself

  11. #108
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    Hi OP.

    Have you looked into the practicalities of your Option 2? I don't think you and your DH could just 'go on the birth certificate', and adoption in Qld is procedurally complex and lengthy... In practice you could take on the parenting role, but sorting the 'paperwork' and legalities would be a whole other matter.

    Good luck to you and your family.

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  13. #109
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    Quote Originally Posted by freakingout View Post
    She's doing well physically and emotionally. She's a little low in iron and is taking a supplement and the baby looks perfect. I'm very happy with that in my mind the thought of her creating a life was impossible for both of them to be healthy. As a family we are working out what's best for her and baby, her father and I have been very honest in her 3 options.

    1 parent the baby be on the birth certificate, you have to return to school next year and baby will go to day care. I will use my long service leave and annual leave to stay and help but we will help as grandparents you are the mother so changing nappies, feeding baby is your responsibility. If this is was she wants I have to let her experience parenthood the good, bad and ugly. We will obviously support them financially until she completes uni.

    2 her father and I parent we are on the birth certificate. She goes back to school 6 weeks after baby is born. Her life essentially goes back to normal. If we adopted the baby I can have about a year off with my works maternity leave, government maternity, Lal and annual leave. But it's not her problem her father and I will sort it out. She can spend as much time with baby as she wants completely up to her. The baby will always know who his "birth mother" is and that she was just to young to be a mother.

    3 adoption we have gone out to Holly's house in Ipswich to talk about what modern Australian adoption looks like and she at this point doesn't want the baby living with another family.

    We are not pushing her for a decision it's completely up to her in a counseling session we have gone through the pros and cons and it's completely up to her. Obviously we will continue to send her to counseling following the birth.

    We have spoken to the other family and the son confirmed that sexual contact had occurred once on Australia Day. It's hard to divulge all the information from the past but we were all aware of the girls sneaking off from camp we were all called to come get them. Me in my naivety never even though she could had sex we just thought it was some teenage rebellion and I had gone off about how unsafe and dangerous it was. I regret it now I should have acted different and maybe she could have told me she had had sex and we could have been proactive. The family are keen to keep things quite and have asked if they can see the baby when it's born.


    all honesty I wasn't sure if I should come back, when I was reading some of the things people had written I felt incredibly guilty for this whole situation, I also felt judged, but it helped me understand that this situation will always be surrounded in judgement and confusion as to how I let my daughter get into this. I'm very grateful for everyone who took the time to respond. I just wanted to let everyone know the way I handle this will affect my daughter and her baby for the rest of their lives. Those first few days I really did just want to strap her down and force her to tell me everything but it would have made everything worse she was scared her world had changed forever and she had no coping strategies for dealing with something so huge. I had no idea what to do, so I could only do what the professionals had told me was right.
    I think you’re doing an amazing job. No judgment here at all. I wish your family every blessing as you continue on this road.

  14. #110
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    Default How do I handle my teenage daughters pregnancy?

    Thank you so much for updating! Absolutely no judgment from me- I’ve been in your daughters position and I am also the baby in your situation. Honestly my mothers parents raising me and being my legal guardians was the best thing that could have happened. I had an amazing upbringing and such a special bond with my grandparents and uncles (who were and are more like brothers to me). It was hard on my grandparents, but something they have never regretted doing and would do a million times over if they had the choice.

    In regards to option 2- a previous poster is correct. You would unlikely be able to adopt the baby however you can apply for legal guardianship. It was a straightforward process for my mum and grandparents (as they were all in agreement)- see a lawyer, attend a court hearing (just a formality) and sign paperwork. It means your dd will still be on the birth certificate but will have no legal say in the child’s upbringing- basically she will be on the birth cert but you will have all parenting rights.

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