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  1. #1
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    Default How do I handle my teenage daughters pregnancy?

    I used to be a member when my children were young and couldn't remember my details so made a new account.

    I need to tell someone get an outside prospective I spose. We have just found out my 13 year old is pregnant, I have failed her I'm ashamed I have no idea what to do. We are a normal loving family I don't know how this could have happened. The baby is due in October and was conceived on a girls guide camp. Over the weekend we took her to hospital thinking she had

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    an appendicitis but she's pregnant. She's in shock, she has not stopped crying. She doesn't understand what's happening and so soon we have 13 weeks to prepare. She's a baby she still plays with Barbie's.

    She's been referred to a young mother midwife team at the hospital. We see them Friday. We haven't talked to the boys parents yet, his 15 and her friends brother. Omg I can't deal with this, I always thought I would cope with anything my children did I'm lost what do I do.

    How do I be there for her when I'm so angry and ashamed, how did I not know.

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    So has she said what she wants to do? I guess it’s too late for termination? Would she consider adoption or would you raise the baby with/for her?

    I don’t do girl guides, do boys go on girl guides camps??

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    I didn’t think boys go on girl guides camps?

    What does she want to do?

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    What are her feelings about it all? I would listen to her very carefully and not overrule her thoughts about the pregnancy and baby!

    I would think she needs to talk with a professional alone and then you need to all talk with a professional together. I also guess you need to talk with the boys parents. I wouldn't bring her to that conversation unless she wanted to be there.

    This would be so difficult for her and you all!

    Find someone you can talk to on your own...professional or a close friend...preferably both!

    as the Mum of a 14 yr old girl I feel so much for you and your family!

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    Quote Originally Posted by PomPoms View Post
    What are her feelings about it all? I would listen to her very carefully and not overrule her thoughts about the pregnancy and baby!

    I would think she needs to talk with a professional alone and then you need to all talk with a professional together. I also guess you need to talk with the boys parents. I wouldn't bring her to that conversation unless she wanted to be there.

    This would be so difficult for her and you all!

    Find someone you can talk to on your own...professional or a close friend...preferably both!

    as the Mum of a 14 yr old girl I feel so much for you and your family!
    Thank you for your kind words. we have spoken with a social worker at the hospital. I think they needed to make sure no abuse had happened to her. the social worker was the one who told me about what happened at camp and who the father was. She's in complete shutdown and I honestly don't blame her. She also went to pregnancy counseling on Monday but was scared and didn't talk to her. She's is a shy immature 13 year old.

    We left counseling agreeing she needs more time to think

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    How far along is she?

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    I wouldn’t make her decide anything, I would give her time to get her head around the whole situation she is in..... if it were me I would just be there for her, don’t interrogate her as that will probably make her close up even more, don’t act like she has done anything wrong (not saying you are etc) just plain and simple, be there for her, she would be absolutely overwhelmed at the moment and for her to know that you are there with her all the way would be, I imagine what she needs right now. As for feeling angry, well yes you probably are, but things like this happen and they happen to “nice” girls and “nice” families so really I wouldn’t be ashamed at all and you don’t want her thinking of the baby in that way either. I wouldn’t rush into suggesting adoption either, that’s a huge step to take and not something to be rushed into. I think you should take each day as it comes, and if she decided that she wanted to keep the baby, which I would lean towards if it were my 13 yr old, would there be anything stopping you from supporting her in this? As in, you would be a great support, you have had children, she could easily go back to school once the baby was 3-6 mths old etc, you could turn this around and it could be a great thing, not ideal of course but try and make some positives out of it, and of course there is a little wee soul waiting to be born in amongst all of this. I would probably also go easy on the boy as well, especially if anything hasn’t been forced, that’s the age of both of them, when they get curious etc as long as she wasn’t forced or hurt etc, he will probably freak right out along with his parents and that’s just more stress added into your daughter which she won’t need. I just really wouldn’t force the adoption Avenue, and just let her know as others have said that you love her etc.

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    My friend's sister had a baby just shy of her 14th birthday. Her parents, although horrified, supported her and raised the baby while she went back to school and finished her education. Now she is nearly 27 and happily married with 2 more children, has a career but just so happens to have a now 13 year old daughter! It is all just about completing education, a lot of parental support and making the best of it all. Her daughter is lovely. The only major risks come with those poor girls who have nobody to help them and unsupportive or druggie parents and end up having child protection snatch their babies, ending with a life time of regret and PTSD. With a lot of love and support and keeping the family together there is no reason your daughter and grandchild cannot thrive.

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    Every time I bring it up she doesn't want to discuss it and tells me to leave it. My husband also had his head in the sand. I definitely need to find out exactly what happened at the camp but she hasn't been anywhere with out us and is really a good kid


 

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