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    Default Child Support - additional expenses on top

    Hi looking for some advice - my ex received a very substantial divorce settlement - house/car/cash - over $1 million - has no mortgage or debt - was also was receiving $1000 a fortnight child support as well as single Mothers etc and 3 months after we divorced moved her new boyfriend in and he works full time - she has never worked - ever in the 10 years we were together or since last 5 years - she chooses not to work - but does do different things for cash.

    2 years after we divorced my business hit hard times and I ended up loses my business/ house etc and was declared bankrupt. While doing it tough I couldn’t pay the same amount of child support but paid what I could when I could.

    I have rebuilt my life and am working etc and back paying $320 a fortnight child support for my 9 yr old son (ex has had another baby with new man). I have worked really hard to rebuild my life - it could have been a very different story - I was really so low I could have just tapped out of life.

    My ex- has been very difficult with access to my son that changed after my child support amount dropped off when not working and after she moved in with her new man who she has forced my son to call dad etc - she has regularly withheld visits or cancelled visits and my relationship with my son comes last and it would probably be her wish that I just disappeared and let her get on with her new life. She is just relentless in her poor treatment of me and still so bitter after I ended our marriage - which was very much because of the person she had become - greedy/nasty and self serving.

    After returning my son after a visit recently she bailed me up at the door in front of my son and said that she and her partner pay for everything for my son and it’s about time I did - so could I go and buy him more shoes for school and sport and handed me his shoe size.

    I was floored. I have given her so much - neither she or her partner have had to buy a house for their children, car etc - I rent a house and have a work car and have very little to show since bankruptcy after 25 years of work. I pretty much have nothing.

    I think $320 a fortnight based on my wage is enough to afford new runners for a 9 year old?

    I would do anything for my son - anything - he is my world and greatest achievement - but I am just at wits end about my ex and her greed - I would imagine my child support goes no where near my son - it doesn’t have to be used for house and car cause I have supplied that - so costs are minimal - food, clothing, schooling. I feel now I am getting back on my feet she is taking aim to get more money from me - which I just don’t have.

    Do I have to pay more on top of child support? Am I wrong to feel exploited? Are there any other dads out there in similar situation that can offer me some advice?

    I love my son and will do anything for him as said and I know deep down I will go and buy him new shoes - but just feeling alone and jaded and fed up.
    Last edited by Icul; 02-07-2018 at 18:04. Reason: Typos

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    Default Child Support - additional expenses on top

    I don’t know what the legislation says but I highly doubt $320 per fortnight would cover all of the expenses for your son. Think about electricity, water, rates, school fees, groceries, clothes, activities. Yes $320 would be more than enough for a pair of school shoes but then that’s ~$100 or so less that fortnight that she has to care for your son.

    ETA my maths was wrong, deleted part of my comment

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    Wow 1 million I could only imagine that amount of money!

    Child support amount is based on the same equation for everyone.

    Personally I wouldn’t be paying anything more that what I had too. But if you want too buy extra things than do so.

    But don’t feel guilty for not being able to afford $1000 a fortnight that’s a huge amount of money.

    Maybe it will teach her not to be so greedy.

    Good luck

  5. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by Icul View Post
    Hi looking for some advice - my ex received a very substantial divorce settlement - house/car/cash - over $1 million - has no mortgage or debt
    This is irrelevant. Financial settlement is the split of the assets you accumulated in the relationship. It sounds like you had a large asset pool and would have also received a large amount in the settlement. Child support is based on income and has nothing to do with financial settlement.


    - was also was receiving $1000 a fortnight child support as well as single Mothers etc
    If you went through the child support agency they would have assessed your child support payments based on your income. You obviously had a very high income if you were assessed as having to pay $1000 per fortnight for one child.
    Single parent pension is based on your ex wife's income. She would have met Centrelink's criteria to be eligible for the payments. The fact that she received SPP is not your concern.


    and 3 months after we divorced moved her new boyfriend in and he works full time
    Irrelevant. You are no longer together. Her relationship status is not your concern. Her new boyfriend's income has no bearing on child support calculations.

    - she has never worked - ever in the 10 years we were together or since last 5 years - she chooses not to work
    Irrelevant. Her employment status is none of your concern. As a side note the Family Court recognises the valuable contribution stay at home parents make to a relationship and this is taken into account in financial settlement calculations. Would you have preferred to pay for a nanny, housekeeper, chef, chauffeur and general admin person on call 24 hours per day 7 days per week?

    - but does do different things for cash.
    If you believe this to be true and have proof, contact the Child Support Agency and ask for a change in assessment.

    2 years after we divorced my business hit hard times and I ended up loses my business/ house etc and was declared bankrupt. While doing it tough I couldn’t pay the same amount of child support but paid what I could when I could.

    I have rebuilt my life and am working etc and back paying $320 a fortnight child support for my 9 yr old son (ex has had another baby with new man). I have worked really hard to rebuild my life - it could have been a very different story - I was really so low I could have just tapped out of life.
    Did you contact the child support agency and let them know about your change in circumstances? Did you get your child support recalculated based on your new income? Flip the circumstances. How would you feel if you were in your ex wife's position and faced a dramatic sudden change in financial circumstances (due to loss of child support) through not fault of her own.

    My ex- has been very difficult with access to my son that changed after my child support amount dropped off when not working and after she moved in with her new man who she has forced my son to call dad etc - she has regularly withheld visits or cancelled visits and my relationship with my son comes last and it would probably be her wish that I just disappeared and let her get on with her new life.
    Do you have parenting orders in place? Have you seen a lawyer?

    She is just relentless in her poor treatment of me and still so bitter after I ended our marriage - which was very much because of the person she had become - greedy/nasty and self serving.
    erm are you sure you aren't the bitter one?

    After returning my son after a visit recently she bailed me up at the door in front of my son and said that she and her partner pay for everything for my son and it’s about time I did - so could I go and buy him more shoes for school and sport and handed me his shoe size.

    I was floored. I have given her so much - neither she or her partner have had to buy a house for their children, car etc - I rent a house and have a work car and have very little to show since bankruptcy after 25 years of work. I pretty much have nothing.

    I think $320 a fortnight based on my wage is enough to afford new runners for a 9 year old?

    I would do anything for my son - anything - he is my world and greatest achievement - but I am just at wits end about my ex and her greed - I would imagine my child support goes no where near my son - it doesn’t have to be used for house and car cause I have supplied that - so costs are minimal - food, clothing, schooling. I feel now I am getting back on my feet she is taking aim to get more money from me - which I just don’t have.

    Do I have to pay more on top of child support? Am I wrong to feel exploited? Are there any other dads out there in similar situation that can offer me some advice?

    I love my son and will do anything for him as said and I know deep down I will go and buy him new shoes - but just feeling alone and jaded and fed up.
    Technically you do not need to pay anything on top of child support. However, a father who loves their child and would do anything for them, wouldn't hesitate. They certainly wouldn't join a parenting forum to complain about their ex.

    Exactly how the child support is spent is no concern of yours. It is the same formula for everyone and designed so that the child can maintain the same standard of living prior to the relationship breakdown. If you believe your child is being neglected in any way shape or form, see a family lawyer about it.
    Last edited by SSecret Squirrel; 02-07-2018 at 19:37.

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    Quote Originally Posted by SSecret Squirrel View Post
    This is irrelevant. Financial settlement is the split of the assets you accumulated in the relationship. It sounds like you had a large asset pool and would have also received a large amount in the settlement. Child support is based on income and has nothing to do with financial settlement.



    If you went through the child support agency they would have assessed your child support payments based on your income. You obviously had a very high income if you were assessed as having to pay $1000 per fortnight for one child.
    Single parent pension is based on your ex wife's income. She would have met Centrelink's criteria to be eligible for the payments. The fact that she received SPP is not your concern.


    Irrelevant. You are no longer together. Her relationship status is not your concern. Her new boyfriend's income has no bearing on child support calculations.

    Irrelevant. Her employment status is none of your concern. As a side note the Family Court recognises the valuable contribution stay at home parents make to a relationship and this is taken into account in financial settlement calculations. Would you have preferred to pay for a nanny, housekeeper, chef, chauffeur and general admin person on call 24 hours per day 7 days per week?

    If you believe this to be true and have proof, contact the Child Support Agency and ask for a change in assessment.

    Did you contact the child support agency and let them know about your change in circumstances? Did you get your child support recalculated based on your new income? Flip the circumstances. How would you feel if you were in your ex wife's position and faced a dramatic sudden change in financial circumstances (due to loss of child support) through not fault of her own.

    Do you have parenting orders in place? Have you seen a lawyer?

    erm are you sure you aren't the bitter one?



    Technically you do not need to pay anything on top of child support. However, a father who loves their child and would do anything for them, wouldn't hesitate. They certainly wouldn't join a parenting forum to complain about their ex.

    Exactly how the child support is spent is no concern of yours. It is the same formula for everyone and designed so that the child can maintain the same standard of living prior to the relationship breakdown. If you believe your child is being neglected in any way shape or form, see a family lawyer about it.
    Bit harsh maybe? He is looking for support and in a situation he finds challenging. You have offered some great advice, just a shame that you couldn’t keep the tone and attitude out of it.

    Plenty of people of both genders who love their children join THIS forum to complain about their ex’s. Nothing new or original that this OP needs to be called out for.

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    Quote Originally Posted by bedlover View Post
    Bit harsh maybe? He is looking for support and in a situation he finds challenging. You have offered some great advice, just a shame that you couldn’t keep the tone and attitude out of it.

    Plenty of people of both genders who love their children join THIS forum to complain about their ex’s. Nothing new or original that this OP needs to be called out for.
    I don't think I was being harsh. I don't begrudge anyone asking for advice regarding child support, especially when the status quo has changed and they are uncertain about what what is and isn't correct. However there is no need to fill the question with irrelevant details and portray your ex as being greedy and money hungry in the process.
    Last edited by SSecret Squirrel; 02-07-2018 at 20:49.

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    Quote Originally Posted by SSecret Squirrel View Post
    This is irrelevant. Financial settlement is the split of the assets you accumulated in the relationship. It sounds like you had a large asset pool and would have also received a large amount in the settlement. Child support is based on income and has nothing to do with financial settlement.



    If you went through the child support agency they would have assessed your child support payments based on your income. You obviously had a very high income if you were assessed as having to pay $1000 per fortnight for one child.
    Single parent pension is based on your ex wife's income. She would have met Centrelink's criteria to be eligible for the payments. The fact that she received SPP is not your concern.


    Irrelevant. You are no longer together. Her relationship status is not your concern. Her new boyfriend's income has no bearing on child support calculations.

    Irrelevant. Her employment status is none of your concern. As a side note the Family Court recognises the valuable contribution stay at home parents make to a relationship and this is taken into account in financial settlement calculations. Would you have preferred to pay for a nanny, housekeeper, chef, chauffeur and general admin person on call 24 hours per day 7 days per week?

    If you believe this to be true and have proof, contact the Child Support Agency and ask for a change in assessment.

    Did you contact the child support agency and let them know about your change in circumstances? Did you get your child support recalculated based on your new income? Flip the circumstances. How would you feel if you were in your ex wife's position and faced a dramatic sudden change in financial circumstances (due to loss of child support) through not fault of her own.

    Do you have parenting orders in place? Have you seen a lawyer?

    erm are you sure you aren't the bitter one?



    Technically you do not need to pay anything on top of child support. However, a father who loves their child and would do anything for them, wouldn't hesitate. They certainly wouldn't join a parenting forum to complain about their ex.

    Exactly how the child support is spent is no concern of yours. It is the same formula for everyone and designed so that the child can maintain the same standard of living prior to the relationship breakdown. If you believe your child is being neglected in any way shape or form, see a family lawyer about it.
    Wow! Just wow! So much for a parenting support network. I didn’t come on here to complain about my ex - but shared my experience with the aim of seeing if I could find anyone else had a similar situation and how that made them feel and what they have experienced and was seeking constructive advice. Your dissection of my post just shows I have made a big mistake and this is not a network for me - I don’t need your judgement or accusations - as I said I feel alone and fed up in this journey and you have just confirmed that position for me.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Icul View Post
    Wow! Just wow! So much for a parenting support network. I didn’t come on here to complain about my ex - but shared my experience with the aim of seeing if I could find anyone else had a similar situation and how that made them feel and what they have experienced and was seeking constructive advice. Your dissection of my post just shows I have made a big mistake and this is not a network for me - I don’t need your judgement or accusations - as I said I feel alone and fed up in this journey and you have just confirmed that position for me.
    OP, in relation to SSecret Squirrel 'dissection' I feel that she was taking the emotive parts out of it and was dealing with just the facts. Yes your post is asking does anyone else feel this way, but by taking away the feelings you get down to brass knuckles and how you feel (good or bad) is irrelevant to your points.

    Yes this is a highly emotive topic when dealing with past relationships, money, children etc but to me the OP comes across with a victim mentality.

    Financial settlement in the divorce 'is' different to child support. What your ex chooses to do with that is up to her. You say her partner has a full time job. So are you implying that you want another man to support your child? As it turns out the new partner does usually end up supporting the child partially if not fully by financially, physically an emotionally. Not many people will deny a childs request for an ice-cream at the corner store if asked. So if your child asks him for this, that is costing him, not you. And it all adds up.

    You stated she has gone to an overseas wedding recently and on holidays. Do you know how they were paid for? Then you are in no position to make a subtle accusation that she is spending all your child support for your child on her and not the child.

    Child support does not cover everything. Yes she may not work but she does have the majority of care. Money does not cover or equate for the time/energy/effort put in to looking after a child. You say she hasn't work from the beginning since when you were together? As a couple that would of been discussed and usually agreed upon that the mother would not work and stay home. It's not generally an all out "No I am not going back to work after baby is born and there is nothing you can do about it" kind of scenario. So if it was mutually agreed and you instigated the separation then why should your choices impact how her life is lived. She was married, expecting it to be that way and now she is not and she may have trouble dealing with it still.

    I'm not saying she is a golden child here but what I am trying to come across to say (and I know I'm not very tactful) is there are always two sides to a story. And we are only hearing your side and I'm sure it is not the full picture.

    I have found that the ex partner that is paying the child support then equates that because they are they then have the upper hand and control on what goes on. And then the ex partner that receives the child support think that they should not allow access if child support is not paid. So it does go both sides.

    I would highly recommend getting into contact with Relationships Australia to start mediation for putting parenting plans in place. Parenting plans are not legal but an attempt at mediation is required if you wanted to take it further to court for consent orders. They are really very helpful to talk to and to see as it explains to how best put the needs of the child first. We may think we do have our child's best interest at heart but we hold mistrust, grudges, animosity an so forth (from both sides) and it is a bit of a wake up call to have it spelt out to you in black and white.
    So then you can have it in place on how communication is to be between your ex and you. Only in writing via text or email for instance. So there is no more demands for shoe money at the front door. Or what items your child has at which house etc.

    So in a nutshell, pay your allotted child support, anything over an above is up to you, you are not obliged. In saying that though, having a child and their expenses plus the brunt of the care is hard work. Child support will not cover it all as there are soooo many added little costs that add up (ice-cream for instance, lol). But education, health, food and clothing need to be taken care of and still child support will never sufficiently cover all of it. That one is up to you to feel happy about paying extras for.

    Then initiate mediation for the care of your child. Personally what your ex and her new partner do or have done is none of you concern at all and does not require an opinion on. Your only concern is the care of your child and you need to learn and come to terms that this is the best way to move forward in your life.
    Last edited by emilysmumma; 04-07-2018 at 13:35.

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    Quote Originally Posted by emilysmumma View Post
    OP, in relation to SSecret Squirrel 'dissection' I feel that she was taking the emotive parts out of it and was dealing with just the facts. Yes your post is asking does anyone else feel this way, but by taking away the feelings you get down to brass knuckles and how you feel (good or bad) is irrelevant to your points.

    Yes this is a highly emotive topic when dealing with past relationships, money, children etc but to me the OP comes across with a victim mentality.

    Financial settlement in the divorce 'is' different to child support. What your ex chooses to do with that is up to her. You say her partner has a full time job. So are you implying that you want another man to support your child? As it turns out the new partner does usually end up supporting the child partially if not fully by financially, physically an emotionally. Not many people will deny a childs request for an ice-cream at the corner store if asked. So if your child asks him for this, that is costing him, not you. And it all adds up.

    You stated she has gone to an overseas wedding recently and on holidays. Do you know how they were paid for? Then you are in no position to make a subtle accusation that she is spending all your child support for your child on her and not the child.

    Child support does not cover everything. Yes she may not work but she does have the majority of care. Money does not cover or equate for the time/energy/effort put in to looking after a child. You say she hasn't work from the beginning since when you were together? As a couple that would of been discussed and usually agreed upon that the mother would not work and stay home. It's not generally an all out "No I am not going back to work after baby is born and there is nothing you can do about it" kind of scenario. So if it was mutually agreed and you instigated the separation then why should your choices impact how her life is lived. She was married, expecting it to be that way and now she is not and she may have trouble dealing with it still.

    I'm not saying she is a golden child here but what I am trying to come across to say (and I know I'm not very tactful) is there are always two sides to a story. And we are only hearing your side and I'm sure it is not the full picture.

    I have found that the ex partner that is paying the child support then equates that because they are they then have the upper hand and control on what goes on. And then the ex partner that receives the child support think that they should not allow access if child support is not paid. So it does go both sides.

    I would highly recommend getting into contact with Relationships Australia to start mediation for putting parenting plans in place. Parenting plans are not legal but an attempt at mediation is required if you wanted to take it further to court for consent orders. They are really very helpful to talk to and to see as it explains to how best put the needs of the child first. We may think we do have our child's best interest at heart but we hold mistrust, grudges, animosity an so forth (from both sides) and it is a bit of a wake up call to have it spelt out to you in black and white.
    So then you can have it in place on how communication is to be between your ex and you. Only in writing via text or email for instance. So there is no more demands for shoe money at the front door. Or what items your child has at which house etc.

    So in a nutshell, pay your allotted child support, anything over an above is up to you, you are not obliged. In saying that though, having a child and their expenses plus the brunt of the care is hard work. Child support will not cover it all as there are soooo many added little costs that add up (ice-cream for instance, lol). But education, health, food and clothing need to be taken care of and still child support will never sufficiently cover all of it. That one is up to you to feel happy about paying extras for.

    Then initiate mediation for the care of your child. Personally what your ex and her new partner do or have done is none of you concern at all and does not require an opinion on. Your only concern is the care of your child and you need to learn and come to terms that this is the best way to move forward in your life.
    So I’m bitter, a victim, accusatorial, emotive and have only provided one side of the story.

    Thanks again. Amazing how you and others feel so entitled to label me and put me down. You keep talking about deal in facts, don’t judge and keep emotion out of it - the hypocrisy is astounding.

    Of course it’s one of the story - I don’t think my ex is going to provide her side to make sure you have the information you want to provide your comment - does that mean you immediately decide my version of events is not accurate?

    I know what I have experienced I know my ex is driven by greed and power and I know she would like me to disappear and let her get on with her new life. There is a mountain of evidence to support this and why we are once again back in court in 3 weeks over her breach of the court orders. And just so you know she is using Legal Aid which is there for the most vulnerable in our community and I am having to do a payment plan for a lawyer - cause I wasn’t eligible. Go figure!?

    That is my experience and who are you to tell me it’s not? And how can you then make positive and supportive assumptions about my ex - is just that she is a mother and an ex-wife and gets more support and empathy than an ex husband does?

    My guess is there is a lot of women out there who have not had very good experiences with child support/seperatikn/divorce etc, I’m sorry that may be the case and therefore my post has challenged people on here.

    But I am astounded by the judgement and name calling and immediate jump to defend my ex without as you keep saying “ knowing all the facts”.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Icul View Post
    So I’m bitter, a victim, accusatorial, emotive and have only provided one side of the story.

    Thanks again. Amazing how you and others feel so entitled to label me and put me down. You keep talking about deal in facts, don’t judge and keep emotion out of it - the hypocrisy is astounding.

    Of course it’s one of the story - I don’t think my ex is going to provide her side to make sure you have the information you want to provide your comment - does that mean you immediately decide my version of events is not accurate?

    I know what I have experienced I know my ex is driven by greed and power and I know she would like me to disappear and let her get on with her new life. There is a mountain of evidence to support this and why we are once again back in court in 3 weeks over her breach of the court orders. And just so you know she is using Legal Aid which is there for the most vulnerable in our community and I am having to do a payment plan for a lawyer - cause I wasn’t eligible. Go figure!?

    That is my experience and who are you to tell me it’s not? And how can you then make positive and supportive assumptions about my ex - is just that she is a mother and an ex-wife and gets more support and empathy than an ex husband does?

    My guess is there is a lot of women out there who have not had very good experiences with child support/seperatikn/divorce etc, I’m sorry that may be the case and therefore my post has challenged people on here.

    But I am astounded by the judgement and name calling and immediate jump to defend my ex without as you keep saying “ knowing all the facts”.
    Was not meant to thanks

    My question is why did you join a parenting forum to begin with ? If you want to spend money on your son then do it. A few of us have said so it’s your choice. A few have also said get mediation going again.

    A few have said financial settlement is irrelevant to child support which it is. I’ve also said I get $50.60 a month from my exh but I don’t give a toss as in the end my son will know who has provided for him his entire life so far (11 years) he’ll know my dh and I pay for it all. Holidays overseas and interstate. His food clothing birthday parties. A roof over his head all his bills, Adventures when we go out and his private schooling that he will Get for high school in 18 months time.

    I walked away from my divorce owning the house with a mortgage but does it make me a greedy ***** no it doesn’t. I chose to buy my ex out and he chose to leave and spend his buy out on a 21 year old who had 2 kids with him then dumped his **** for a much younger guy.

    It seems that you haven’t gotten over her if you come on here complaining about her and what she got in the divorce settlement when it was over you buying a pair of shoes for your son

    Seems you also had a crap lawyer if she got it all and you got nothing

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    emilysmumma (04-07-2018),Mum-I-Am (04-07-2018),SSecret Squirrel (04-07-2018)


 

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