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  1. #1
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    Default Child Support - additional expenses on top

    Hi looking for some advice - my ex received a very substantial divorce settlement - house/car/cash - over $1 million - has no mortgage or debt - was also was receiving $1000 a fortnight child support as well as single Mothers etc and 3 months after we divorced moved her new boyfriend in and he works full time - she has never worked - ever in the 10 years we were together or since last 5 years - she chooses not to work - but does do different things for cash.

    2 years after we divorced my business hit hard times and I ended up loses my business/ house etc and was declared bankrupt. While doing it tough I couldn’t pay the same amount of child support but paid what I could when I could.

    I have rebuilt my life and am working etc and back paying $320 a fortnight child support for my 9 yr old son (ex has had another baby with new man). I have worked really hard to rebuild my life - it could have been a very different story - I was really so low I could have just tapped out of life.

    My ex- has been very difficult with access to my son that changed after my child support amount dropped off when not working and after she moved in with her new man who she has forced my son to call dad etc - she has regularly withheld visits or cancelled visits and my relationship with my son comes last and it would probably be her wish that I just disappeared and let her get on with her new life. She is just relentless in her poor treatment of me and still so bitter after I ended our marriage - which was very much because of the person she had become - greedy/nasty and self serving.

    After returning my son after a visit recently she bailed me up at the door in front of my son and said that she and her partner pay for everything for my son and it’s about time I did - so could I go and buy him more shoes for school and sport and handed me his shoe size.

    I was floored. I have given her so much - neither she or her partner have had to buy a house for their children, car etc - I rent a house and have a work car and have very little to show since bankruptcy after 25 years of work. I pretty much have nothing.

    I think $320 a fortnight based on my wage is enough to afford new runners for a 9 year old?

    I would do anything for my son - anything - he is my world and greatest achievement - but I am just at wits end about my ex and her greed - I would imagine my child support goes no where near my son - it doesn’t have to be used for house and car cause I have supplied that - so costs are minimal - food, clothing, schooling. I feel now I am getting back on my feet she is taking aim to get more money from me - which I just don’t have.

    Do I have to pay more on top of child support? Am I wrong to feel exploited? Are there any other dads out there in similar situation that can offer me some advice?

    I love my son and will do anything for him as said and I know deep down I will go and buy him new shoes - but just feeling alone and jaded and fed up.
    Last edited by Icul; 02-07-2018 at 17:04. Reason: Typos

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    Default Child Support - additional expenses on top

    I don’t know what the legislation says but I highly doubt $320 per fortnight would cover all of the expenses for your son. Think about electricity, water, rates, school fees, groceries, clothes, activities. Yes $320 would be more than enough for a pair of school shoes but then that’s ~$100 or so less that fortnight that she has to care for your son.

    ETA my maths was wrong, deleted part of my comment

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    Wow 1 million I could only imagine that amount of money!

    Child support amount is based on the same equation for everyone.

    Personally I wouldn’t be paying anything more that what I had too. But if you want too buy extra things than do so.

    But don’t feel guilty for not being able to afford $1000 a fortnight that’s a huge amount of money.

    Maybe it will teach her not to be so greedy.

    Good luck

  5. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by Icul View Post
    Hi looking for some advice - my ex received a very substantial divorce settlement - house/car/cash - over $1 million - has no mortgage or debt
    This is irrelevant. Financial settlement is the split of the assets you accumulated in the relationship. It sounds like you had a large asset pool and would have also received a large amount in the settlement. Child support is based on income and has nothing to do with financial settlement.


    - was also was receiving $1000 a fortnight child support as well as single Mothers etc
    If you went through the child support agency they would have assessed your child support payments based on your income. You obviously had a very high income if you were assessed as having to pay $1000 per fortnight for one child.
    Single parent pension is based on your ex wife's income. She would have met Centrelink's criteria to be eligible for the payments. The fact that she received SPP is not your concern.


    and 3 months after we divorced moved her new boyfriend in and he works full time
    Irrelevant. You are no longer together. Her relationship status is not your concern. Her new boyfriend's income has no bearing on child support calculations.

    - she has never worked - ever in the 10 years we were together or since last 5 years - she chooses not to work
    Irrelevant. Her employment status is none of your concern. As a side note the Family Court recognises the valuable contribution stay at home parents make to a relationship and this is taken into account in financial settlement calculations. Would you have preferred to pay for a nanny, housekeeper, chef, chauffeur and general admin person on call 24 hours per day 7 days per week?

    - but does do different things for cash.
    If you believe this to be true and have proof, contact the Child Support Agency and ask for a change in assessment.

    2 years after we divorced my business hit hard times and I ended up loses my business/ house etc and was declared bankrupt. While doing it tough I couldn’t pay the same amount of child support but paid what I could when I could.

    I have rebuilt my life and am working etc and back paying $320 a fortnight child support for my 9 yr old son (ex has had another baby with new man). I have worked really hard to rebuild my life - it could have been a very different story - I was really so low I could have just tapped out of life.
    Did you contact the child support agency and let them know about your change in circumstances? Did you get your child support recalculated based on your new income? Flip the circumstances. How would you feel if you were in your ex wife's position and faced a dramatic sudden change in financial circumstances (due to loss of child support) through not fault of her own.

    My ex- has been very difficult with access to my son that changed after my child support amount dropped off when not working and after she moved in with her new man who she has forced my son to call dad etc - she has regularly withheld visits or cancelled visits and my relationship with my son comes last and it would probably be her wish that I just disappeared and let her get on with her new life.
    Do you have parenting orders in place? Have you seen a lawyer?

    She is just relentless in her poor treatment of me and still so bitter after I ended our marriage - which was very much because of the person she had become - greedy/nasty and self serving.
    erm are you sure you aren't the bitter one?

    After returning my son after a visit recently she bailed me up at the door in front of my son and said that she and her partner pay for everything for my son and it’s about time I did - so could I go and buy him more shoes for school and sport and handed me his shoe size.

    I was floored. I have given her so much - neither she or her partner have had to buy a house for their children, car etc - I rent a house and have a work car and have very little to show since bankruptcy after 25 years of work. I pretty much have nothing.

    I think $320 a fortnight based on my wage is enough to afford new runners for a 9 year old?

    I would do anything for my son - anything - he is my world and greatest achievement - but I am just at wits end about my ex and her greed - I would imagine my child support goes no where near my son - it doesn’t have to be used for house and car cause I have supplied that - so costs are minimal - food, clothing, schooling. I feel now I am getting back on my feet she is taking aim to get more money from me - which I just don’t have.

    Do I have to pay more on top of child support? Am I wrong to feel exploited? Are there any other dads out there in similar situation that can offer me some advice?

    I love my son and will do anything for him as said and I know deep down I will go and buy him new shoes - but just feeling alone and jaded and fed up.
    Technically you do not need to pay anything on top of child support. However, a father who loves their child and would do anything for them, wouldn't hesitate. They certainly wouldn't join a parenting forum to complain about their ex.

    Exactly how the child support is spent is no concern of yours. It is the same formula for everyone and designed so that the child can maintain the same standard of living prior to the relationship breakdown. If you believe your child is being neglected in any way shape or form, see a family lawyer about it.
    Last edited by SSecret Squirrel; 02-07-2018 at 18:37.

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  7. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by SSecret Squirrel View Post
    This is irrelevant. Financial settlement is the split of the assets you accumulated in the relationship. It sounds like you had a large asset pool and would have also received a large amount in the settlement. Child support is based on income and has nothing to do with financial settlement.



    If you went through the child support agency they would have assessed your child support payments based on your income. You obviously had a very high income if you were assessed as having to pay $1000 per fortnight for one child.
    Single parent pension is based on your ex wife's income. She would have met Centrelink's criteria to be eligible for the payments. The fact that she received SPP is not your concern.


    Irrelevant. You are no longer together. Her relationship status is not your concern. Her new boyfriend's income has no bearing on child support calculations.

    Irrelevant. Her employment status is none of your concern. As a side note the Family Court recognises the valuable contribution stay at home parents make to a relationship and this is taken into account in financial settlement calculations. Would you have preferred to pay for a nanny, housekeeper, chef, chauffeur and general admin person on call 24 hours per day 7 days per week?

    If you believe this to be true and have proof, contact the Child Support Agency and ask for a change in assessment.

    Did you contact the child support agency and let them know about your change in circumstances? Did you get your child support recalculated based on your new income? Flip the circumstances. How would you feel if you were in your ex wife's position and faced a dramatic sudden change in financial circumstances (due to loss of child support) through not fault of her own.

    Do you have parenting orders in place? Have you seen a lawyer?

    erm are you sure you aren't the bitter one?



    Technically you do not need to pay anything on top of child support. However, a father who loves their child and would do anything for them, wouldn't hesitate. They certainly wouldn't join a parenting forum to complain about their ex.

    Exactly how the child support is spent is no concern of yours. It is the same formula for everyone and designed so that the child can maintain the same standard of living prior to the relationship breakdown. If you believe your child is being neglected in any way shape or form, see a family lawyer about it.
    Bit harsh maybe? He is looking for support and in a situation he finds challenging. You have offered some great advice, just a shame that you couldn’t keep the tone and attitude out of it.

    Plenty of people of both genders who love their children join THIS forum to complain about their ex’s. Nothing new or original that this OP needs to be called out for.

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  9. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by bedlover View Post
    Bit harsh maybe? He is looking for support and in a situation he finds challenging. You have offered some great advice, just a shame that you couldn’t keep the tone and attitude out of it.

    Plenty of people of both genders who love their children join THIS forum to complain about their ex’s. Nothing new or original that this OP needs to be called out for.
    I don't think I was being harsh. I don't begrudge anyone asking for advice regarding child support, especially when the status quo has changed and they are uncertain about what what is and isn't correct. However there is no need to fill the question with irrelevant details and portray your ex as being greedy and money hungry in the process.
    Last edited by SSecret Squirrel; 02-07-2018 at 19:49.

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  11. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by SSecret Squirrel View Post
    This is irrelevant. Financial settlement is the split of the assets you accumulated in the relationship. It sounds like you had a large asset pool and would have also received a large amount in the settlement. Child support is based on income and has nothing to do with financial settlement.



    If you went through the child support agency they would have assessed your child support payments based on your income. You obviously had a very high income if you were assessed as having to pay $1000 per fortnight for one child.
    Single parent pension is based on your ex wife's income. She would have met Centrelink's criteria to be eligible for the payments. The fact that she received SPP is not your concern.


    Irrelevant. You are no longer together. Her relationship status is not your concern. Her new boyfriend's income has no bearing on child support calculations.

    Irrelevant. Her employment status is none of your concern. As a side note the Family Court recognises the valuable contribution stay at home parents make to a relationship and this is taken into account in financial settlement calculations. Would you have preferred to pay for a nanny, housekeeper, chef, chauffeur and general admin person on call 24 hours per day 7 days per week?

    If you believe this to be true and have proof, contact the Child Support Agency and ask for a change in assessment.

    Did you contact the child support agency and let them know about your change in circumstances? Did you get your child support recalculated based on your new income? Flip the circumstances. How would you feel if you were in your ex wife's position and faced a dramatic sudden change in financial circumstances (due to loss of child support) through not fault of her own.

    Do you have parenting orders in place? Have you seen a lawyer?

    erm are you sure you aren't the bitter one?



    Technically you do not need to pay anything on top of child support. However, a father who loves their child and would do anything for them, wouldn't hesitate. They certainly wouldn't join a parenting forum to complain about their ex.

    Exactly how the child support is spent is no concern of yours. It is the same formula for everyone and designed so that the child can maintain the same standard of living prior to the relationship breakdown. If you believe your child is being neglected in any way shape or form, see a family lawyer about it.
    Wow! Just wow! So much for a parenting support network. I didn’t come on here to complain about my ex - but shared my experience with the aim of seeing if I could find anyone else had a similar situation and how that made them feel and what they have experienced and was seeking constructive advice. Your dissection of my post just shows I have made a big mistake and this is not a network for me - I don’t need your judgement or accusations - as I said I feel alone and fed up in this journey and you have just confirmed that position for me.

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    @lcul I feel for you. My husband has a very similar situation with his ex (she did well in the property settlement, he eventually went bankrupt as a result).

    In the early days of my relationship with my husband, I was adamant that he should contribute financially above and beyond child support as I grew up in a single parent family and my mum definitely relied on the extra support from my dad. However, my opinion has since changed and we no longer contribute more financially. Nor are we required to.

    I've seen my husband go through low days as a result of the poor co-parenting relationship he has with his ex. She gives us a lot of grief (although I'm willing to bet she thinks the same about us). I could share so much with you about the struggles we have been through but I will suffice to say that you are certainly not wrong to feel that way. The struggle is real. Being a great dad isn't measured by what you buy for your kids.

    Ps. Kmart has school shoes for about $10.. child support, parenting payments - they're income tested. It's the same scale for everyone. It just requires people to live within their means.

    One Friday afternoon, my step kids were dropped to us by their mum with no school uniforms and no school shoes. We were due to drop them to school the following Monday. When we realised after getting home, their mum informed us that the uniform shop at the school opened at 8am on the Monday morning. We dropped them to school in plain clothes. Their mum never "forgot" to pack their uniforms again. (Kind of an irrelevant story but this is the kind of crap we have to deal with ha)

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    Op , I feel for you. Could you perhaps ring Child Support and have a chat ? I do think that the whole system needs a huge overhaul .

    Could you and your Ex attend mediation to work out some of these details?

    I do think the amount you pay is enough and she should also take responsibility for some expenses too.

    I hope you get it sorted

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    Default Child Support - additional expenses on top

    I am in receipt of child support. Does it cover everything? No freaking way. But it is meant to. You are not obliged to buy your son the shoes she wants you to, however you are expected to have shoes at your home for when he is there. My ex has bought one of our kids one pair of shoes in the last 4 years, they were $10 from Kmart and I was grateful for it because I knew he didn’t have to and he still did. Actually he has also bought a couple of pairs of thongs too. He usually sends them to my home and I send the kids back wearing them, but of course they wear them home etc.

    I hope your situation improves somehow.


 

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