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  1. #1
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    Unhappy Wanting baby #3 but husband doesn't

    Hi all,

    So my husband and I have been together for 10 years, we have two beautiful children together, ages 6&8. We have a boy and a girl so we are already so blessed but I just don't feel complete. When I had my son, one of the first things I said to my husband was that I could do it again.

    In August 2016, I fell pregnant with our 3rd child. Hubby didn't take the news too well but then that week, he started to adjust to the idea that we were having another baby but that week, I ended up in hospital and miscarried our baby. It was one of the worst times of my life, I was devastated.

    I still really want to have another baby but my husband is so against the idea I really don't know what we are going to do.. Has anyone been in my position and what was the outcome? Do I give up on my dream of having another one? I really don't want to!

    Thanks in advance

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  3. #2
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    Sorry to hear that . I’m pregnant with our first & DH was ready a few years before I was. However for us it wasn’t an issue because we both knew I’d get there one day. Has ur DH elaborated as to why he is against it?

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    Congratulations!

    He is just comfortable with the two we have.. And probably due to the financial pressure it would put on us... I guess I need to accept his decision but it does make me feel really sad

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    Unfortunately theres very little compromise.

    My DH didnt want a second but I desperately did. He eventually agreed provided I wouldn't bug him about having a third. I agreed.

    And that's been fine up until the last month or so. Recently Ive found myself longing for a third. But DH is against another for all the reasons I have in the past - finances, lack of family support, questions about whether we'd cope and whether the children would cope. I remind myself about what's brilliant about only having 2 kids to help me console myself.

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    Quote Originally Posted by MamaBearMiles View Post
    Hi all,

    So my husband and I have been together for 10 years, we have two beautiful children together, ages 6&8. We have a boy and a girl so we are already so blessed but I just don't feel complete. When I had my son, one of the first things I said to my husband was that I could do it again.

    In August 2016, I fell pregnant with our 3rd child. Hubby didn't take the news too well but then that week, he started to adjust to the idea that we were having another baby but that week, I ended up in hospital and miscarried our baby. It was one of the worst times of my life, I was devastated.

    I still really want to have another baby but my husband is so against the idea I really don't know what we are going to do.. Has anyone been in my position and what was the outcome? Do I give up on my dream of having another one? I really don't want to!

    Thanks in advance
    Hello.

    I can 100% sympathies with you. I’ve been there. Similar time together and our two kids are 7 and 5. Husband was well and truly done.

    So was I, and then I wasn’t. Probably two years ago I told him I wanted a 3rd and he was dead against it. He felt our two kids were so passed all the baby stuff, and he didn’t want to start again and life was so easy with two (fitting them in the car and house). We also have a boy and a girl.

    Basically I told him I absolutely agreed with everything he was saying. It WAS easy with two and logically two was perfect. I was happy and content. But in my heart I wasn’t done.

    In the end, my husband decided that although he felt strongly about not having a 3rd, I felt STRONGER about having another. So that was the decision.

    I got pregnant and had a miscarriage in January just gone and am pregnant again now (6 weeks).

    I can see that it still stresses him out, and I’m sure he’d still prefer we stuck with two but he said in the end , if we have another child he will love it and eventually we won’t imagine life without them. So whatever. I just have to be mindful to not bombard him with baby name suggestions and plans. I know he’ll get excited when I’ve got a belly etc.

    Probably took two years for him to be ok with the decision. It wasn’t something I could bring up often, and I had to try very hard not to be pushy.

    I wish you so much love and hope that hubby comes around. It’s a hard position to be in.

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  9. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by smallpotatoes View Post
    Unfortunately theres very little compromise.

    My DH didnt want a second but I desperately did. He eventually agreed provided I wouldn't bug him about having a third. I agreed.

    And that's been fine up until the last month or so. Recently Ive found myself longing for a third. But DH is against another for all the reasons I have in the past - finances, lack of family support, questions about whether we'd cope and whether the children would cope. I remind myself about what's brilliant about only having 2 kids to help me console myself.
    I keep telling myself how good I have it now with just two and they are so independant now and I've got my freedom but I still long for that 3rd child. I don't know how to stop these feelings. I just wish my last pregnancy stuck as it was unplanned so he had to accept it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by maybethree View Post
    Hello.

    I can 100% sympathies with you. I’ve been there. Similar time together and our two kids are 7 and 5. Husband was well and truly done.

    So was I, and then I wasn’t. Probably two years ago I told him I wanted a 3rd and he was dead against it. He felt our two kids were so passed all the baby stuff, and he didn’t want to start again and life was so easy with two (fitting them in the car and house). We also have a boy and a girl.

    Basically I told him I absolutely agreed with everything he was saying. It WAS easy with two and logically two was perfect. I was happy and content. But in my heart I wasn’t done.

    In the end, my husband decided that although he felt strongly about not having a 3rd, I felt STRONGER about having another. So that was the decision.

    I got pregnant and had a miscarriage in January just gone and am pregnant again now (6 weeks).

    I can see that it still stresses him out, and I’m sure he’d still prefer we stuck with two but he said in the end , if we have another child he will love it and eventually we won’t imagine life without them. So whatever. I just have to be mindful to not bombard him with baby name suggestions and plans. I know he’ll get excited when I’ve got a belly etc.

    Probably took two years for him to be ok with the decision. It wasn’t something I could bring up often, and I had to try very hard not to be pushy.

    I wish you so much love and hope that hubby comes around. It’s a hard position to be in.
    Aww congratulations, I'm so happy for you. You should be so proud of your husband to let you have your 3rd child.. Ofcourse he will come around, how could he not!

    How soon after he agreed to having number 3, did you fall pregnant?

    I do hope my husband will change his mind, I really do but I'm not so hopeful.

    I wish you all the best with your pregnancy and cherish that beautiful baby when it arrives

  12. #8
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    From a different angle - I would hate it if my partner insisted on more kids - a discussion is fine and who knows, maybe he'll think it over and agree with you - but maybe he won't and I think that needs to be respected. I wouldn't want to risk a potentially resentful husband or a situation where he's not as excited about the third as he was about the previous two. This is one of those life decisions that you can't get into just to appease the other - it has to be wanted.
    Last edited by Elevatormusic; 17-04-2018 at 18:34.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Elevatormusic View Post
    From a different angle - I would hate it if my partner insisted on more kids - a discussion is fine and who knows, maybe he'll think it over and agree with you - but maybe he won't and I think that needs to be respected. I wouldn't want to risk a potentially resentful husband or a situation where he's not as excited about the third as he was about the previous two. This is one of those life decisions that you can't get into just to appease the other - it has to be wanted.
    Continuing this angle - For a long time I was the only one who wanted kids - husband has a son from a previous relationship and he was done. Every time we would discuss it I would end up in tears because he was so adamant against it.

    For the first while that we were trying it was I’d essentially worn him down and he was essentially just doing it to shut me up. He never told me that, but he’d told a mutual friend who accidentally let slip. I felt so bad that he was just doing it for me.

    When we had our first “scare” (for lack of a better word) he was surprised to find that he was actually excited for it. And since then he’s been fully aboard the baby train.

    I do wonder what would have happened if I’d gotten pregnant easily and he’d never gotten excited. Sadly I don’t think our relationship would have survived - there would have been too much resentment on both sides (him because we had a baby, me because he would’ve shut down and would have stopped helping). He’s so on board now that he’s just as devastated as me each month when AF arrives.

  15. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elevatormusic View Post
    From a different angle - I would hate it if my partner insisted on more kids - a discussion is fine and who knows, maybe he'll think it over and agree with you - but maybe he won't and I think that needs to be respected. I wouldn't want to risk a potentially resentful husband or a situation where he's not as excited about the third as he was about the previous two. This is one of those life decisions that you can't get into just to appease the other - it has to be wanted.
    Yes I agree. I want him to want one with me. I will respect his decision but I do wish he would atleast think about it instead of brushing it off with a straight no.. That's all. I would like him to come around and agree to it but if he doesn't, my loss...


 

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