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  1. #1
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    Default grandmother making fun of DS

    My mum is staying with us for an extended (months!) period of time. We are not close but I’m her only child and we encourage her to visit (from overseas) for the grandkids.
    She’s not an easy woman but hubby and I can tolerate as I’m sure we’re probably not her cup of tea either, what is really bothering me is how harsh she can sometimes be with the kids... and it seems there’s nothing I can do about it, there’s no talking to her the last time we brought up an issue years ago there was bags packed and yelling and threats made so that’s that.
    I suppose this is more of a vent and also to see if maybe because I’m not that keen on her behavior maybe I’m making a big deal out of nothing...
    So I was in my bedroom charging my phone and looking up things to do on the weekend, I was basically hidden behind my bed as the charger is like 20cm long lol anyway she didn’t know I was there, she had bathed the kids and came downstairs to get pjs and dry my daughters hair... she was so rude to both of them as she was getting them dressed barking orders left and right, mind you there’s no need and if they’re left to their own devices they will help each other and get themselves dressed, then my son went upstairs and had a little tumble on the way, he was crying (not the omg I’m dying crying but the ‘my ego is hurt’ silly cry) to which hubby tended to... and my mum starts imitating his cry in a way that she was making fun of him and then says ‘ah ... name ... always crying’
    I was dumbfounded, who is this woman... how old are you mentally that you’d make fun of a child to his sibling?
    It’s a small thing I know but I’m not keen on leaving her with them alone now because I know she’ll be harsh and unfair.

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  3. #2
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    I am sorry to be harsh but in what way is this a positive relationship worthy of nurturing? Is it worth having your children bullied and mocked just to have a relationship with your mother? It doesn’t sound like they would lose much if you did call her out and she packed her bags and left to be honest.
    She doesn’t sound like a mature or respectful person if her way of dealing with things is to throw it back in your face in a strop.
    I don’t think this is a small thing. I don’t have a great relationship with my parents but if I ever witnessed them bullying or humiliating my child they’d never ever see her again. I am firmly in the camp of not letting people get away with treating you like dirt just because it’s family. I’m sure you wouldn’t accept anyone else treating your children like that so why allow it from someone who is supposed to love and care for you?
    I’d probably just send her off truthfully, say I think we’ve spent enough time together and the kids are clearly wearing on your nerves so it’s time to go and seriously think about whether you can interact respectfully with my children if you can’t then visits are off the table. Or just broach the topic in a matter of fact way, say I overheard xyz and that’s not how we treat our children. If she kicks up a fuss then make it clear it’s unacceptable but any decision she makes such as leaving is on her.
    From what you’ve described - bullying, mocking, unable to handle being called out on inappropriate behaviour, drama etc it just doesn’t seem like a relationship worth exposing your children to. She’s their grandmother but she’s shown you she’s willing to treat them like sh!t.

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  5. #3
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    Sorry but she doesn’t sound very nice.
    If you don’t really like her and she is bullying your children what’s the point?

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    Agree with the above.
    She is not owed time with you and your children.
    She is not owed a relationship with any of you.
    If the relationship is not respectful, loving and consistent with your values, then don’t have it.
    I think about this as a teaching moment with your kids and also the chance to show them how to stand up when something isn’t right.
    IMO it’s important for kids to see parents stick up for them, and take a stand for them, when it’s warranted. It’s about building and maintaining trust.
    If you don’t, your kids will see that this person is held to a different standard of behaviour.

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    If she continues acting like this each visit. Her grandkids wont want her visiting.
    It doesnt sound like its fun for anyone.

    This is the time you need to be a voice for your kids

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    Agree with the above. You can’t ignore this as you’re showing the kids it’s ok to be treated this way.

    I would just say each time “mum that’s not polite” with a dirty look. And escalate from there till she gets the picture. If she storms off in a strop be honest with your kids and say she had to leave because she wasn’t very nice and we don’t need mean people in our lives.

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    It sounds cultural to me. I doubt she'd even think she was being mean.

    I'm not excusing her, but I get it coz my parents were like that with me. I'd get lots of mean 'cry baby' sayings. I still remember them and on occasion I've told my mum how much I hated it. The diff is that my parents live here and know whAt life is like now. It's not 1980 anymore.

    Can you speak to her about it? Just be honest but kind 'mum, you're here for a long time, don't make fun of abc', it's mean and I will defend my kids if I have to.

    Good luck.

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    I would have to pull her up on this behaviour. She’s being rude and mean.

    If she kicks up a stink and leaves, that’s on her.

    I don’t know how families have the patience to have long term visitors, especially those who grate on your nerves and aren’t totally respectful.

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    yep I would pull her up on it as well.

    try to see it from her side - that she may truly not realise the damage that this kind of behaviour does ... but that doesnt mean that you should put up with it either. Make sure that she understands that you wont accept that attitude towards your children.

    if it ends up with tantrums (of the adult kind) and bags packed ... well, next time she might understand more

  17. #10
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    Thank you so much everyone, it’s so nice to hear I’m not overreacting.
    I hadn’t thought of it in some of the views expressed in the comments but I agree 100% even hubby said he feels she’s putting me down even now, she can’t ever be happy with my achievement (as small as they might be) she will come up with something he did or can do better... it’s odd.
    I will have to toughen up and stand up for my kiddies, I’m actually thinking all this is having an effect of DS, he’s much more clingy to me lately...

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