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  1. #1
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    Default Divorce?? How do you know when its time to give up??

    How do you know when it is time to just walk away???
    The communication has broken down in the marriage, the sex life is non-existence, we fight more than what we do talk.
    For a long time i have been feeling this way and even more so lately. I have no interest in trying to make things work. Tried time and time again over the past nearly 6 years and nothing ever changes. It is always pointed back on me and made out that it is my fault and that i live for drama etc etc

    I just cant walk away, I dont know why. I know the kids will be better off if we were apart, but how do i walk??? What do i do???

  2. #2
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    The hardest part is actually taking the decision to leave. Believe me. Once you come to that conclusion - and if you continue feeling the way you do now you will - it's easy to leave. It took me probably three years to make the decision to leave. And even though it was awful then, it's the best thing I've ever done. Good luck. Only you know when the time is right for you.

  3. #3
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    How do you cope financially?? I work so have my own income. But we have joint debts and no way of paying them out should we split.
    I cant think clearly I cant make sense of what I want to do.

  4. #4
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    I was in a fortunate position financially with no dependents, but it was scary paying a mortgage by myself after 10 years. I have many friends who have simply sold off their (joint) house because they can't afford to service the loan, paid back the debt and moved into rental accommodation. And they're happier than ever. The thing is right - no matter how scary it is, you will cope financially. We just do!

  5. #5
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    It's hard. I knew my first marriage was over before it began (never should have gotten married, but was young and didn't want to disappoint my parents who had paid for everything!).

    I was lucky that we didn't have kids, but it took me two years to be strong enough to ask him to leave.

    I guess my main piece of advice is making sure you have a support network - if I didn't have the support I had when I finally told him to leave, I would have ended up caving and taking him back. The friends that I was surrounded by were fantastic, and my family gave me so much support. Without knowing your whole situation I can't really give any more advice than that - for the financial stuff go speak to a family lawyer. You can do that now before you make a decision, get a rough idea of what the settlement might be and they can talk you through the process.

    Do you own your house? The end result might be that the house is sold, the mortgage paid out and joint debts and then you go your seperate ways.

    Don't forget that you may be entitled to assistance from Centrelink, I'm not sure what but you could investigate it.

    I barely survived my divorce financially - he left me in a lot of debt that was all in my name. I trusted that he was paying the bills, but he wasn't, and we lived off my credit cards for so long because he wasn't working. Then suddenly I was sole income, paying mortgage, huge arrears on bills and $25k in credit card debt. I was able to keep the house and because of no kids and a few other reasons I essentially escaped with him taking the car and that's it. But it took me 6 years to claw myself free from that debt.

    Good luck - its a horrible situation to be in, and it takes such a toll on you. And if you do decide to seperate it is a long process - make sure you take care of yourself.

  6. #6
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    I wrote a post similar to this one. I am in the same headspace regularly for various reasons. I totally understand about not feeling able to just commit to separating/leaving. Take care of yourself is all I can say - try to 'dance in the rain' if possible...

  7. #7
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    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    What a hard position to be in OP. I have been divorced but with my first marriage we had no kids and it ended very quickly so there was no prolonged should I stay or should I go. But it does sound like you've made your mind up to leave it's 'just' a matter of initiating it.
    I know it's trite but life is short. Far too short to be deeply unhappy on a day to day basis about something that is changeable. And can I gently say that kids pick up on so much so if you do feel it would be a better environment for them with you separated then focus on that as your motivation.
    Could you start with seeing a financial counselor or legal services to discuss a financial plan for yourself and options for a custody/financial settlement?
    Or start with putting some money aside each week to give yourself a bit of a cushion for when you do leave.
    Contact centrelink to see what family benefits you might be entitled to on your own.
    Perhaps if you start preparing the logistics and have a plan in place that might help you make the move.
    Big hugs, separation is such a stressful time but I hope in time you'll be happier and in a better place x

  8. The Following User Says Thank You to gingermillie For This Useful Post:

    Shellosaurus  (15-09-2017)

  9. #8
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    I agree with gingermillie
    Have a plan, see a financial advisor/lawyer sort it all out behind his back then leave.
    Your kids will be so much better off in a happy environment.
    It will be tough for a while, but in the long run it will be worth it.
    My parents 'stayed together for us kids' it was horrible and I don't have a close relationship with them even now. I wish they had have just separated.
    Good luck

  10. The Following User Says Thank You to Moc24 For This Useful Post:

    Shellosaurus  (15-09-2017)


 

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