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  1. #1
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    Default Single mum by choice

    Hi all,

    Wondering if there are any single mums by choice that feel like sharing the highs, lows, ins and outs or really just anything at all!

    I'm single 30yr old, recently started seeing FS to start TTC with donor sperm through (hopefully!) IUI or maybe IVF. Currently going through fertility testing now, will have another consult, and then counselling (for donor sperm) before beginning treatment hopefully in Dec.

    Have been searching every nook and cranny of the web and read all I can find - just still craving info and real life stories. I'm so excited to go through this journey and am lucky that the few family and friends I've told are supportive also but it's such a unique journey that I don't think they fully understand it all.

  2. #2
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    @wiseenough is a single mumma by choice.

    I think anyone who does it solo deserves a medal.

  3. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Mum-I-Am For This Useful Post:

    Kiiansmum2018  (16-05-2018),Missblanks  (12-08-2017),Mod-Wise Enough  (06-08-2017),Simil  (06-08-2017),SingleNoMingle  (29-08-2017)

  4. #3
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    Will write more soon. Just sneaking out from under my daughter to go to work

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    Mum-I-Am  (06-08-2017),Simil  (06-08-2017)

  6. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by mummymaybe View Post
    I think anyone who does it solo deserves a medal.
    I second this x 100

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    Kiiansmum2018  (16-05-2018),SingleNoMingle  (29-08-2017)

  8. #5
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    I went to see an FS about it about a year ago but just couldn't bring myself to do it. As it happens I met a wonderful man just as I was exploring my options and we're now having a baby. You wouldn't just think about freezing your eggs for the time being? 30 certainly isn't old, if that's why you're moving on it now.

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    sunnysunshine  (06-08-2017)

  10. #6
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    So I found out at 31 that my AMH was low. I was single, and if I wanted kids I had to have them now. I was single and didn't want to force a relationship with a guy just because I wanted kids. I found out it was low because my sister was 3 years older than me and needed an egg donor. We're genetically inclined to lose our eggs early.

    I was terribly upset. But I sucked it up and investigated sperm donation. I ended up going through IVF and have two beautiful girls, 5 and 3.

    At the start I sort of felt like there was a stigma attached to doing it alone. But now I realise that was all in my head. No one cares. My advice would be open and upfront. Some friends trot me out as an example... "I have a friend who..." . Many friends are jealous as I don't have to put up with nonsense from a partner .

    I'm lucky I earn good money so can afford it. Day care is very expensive. You need to do your maths. If you have a baby who will look after it when you work? How much will day care cost you?

    I have strong family support which is amazing. I'm incredibly lucky. It would be much harder without their support, but I have a friend who is also a solo mum to a 3yo and two twin 1yos with no family support working full time. I don't know how she's still standing but she loves every second and could not be happier. She is older too, in her 50s. So it can be done without support.

    Day to day it can be tiring, but I think every mum feels that way. I'm glad I don't have anyone to get mad at for not doing enough, I can easily see how that would happen.

    Not sure how many kids you're thinking of. I have two and that has me at capacity. I still have embryos left but will not be using them. When I only have one child with me it's heaven. My girls play together amazingly well, much better than most kids, so I don't regret having two. But one is sooooo much easier!

    Happy to answer any questions you have.

    For the record I know many solo mums now. 3 out of 6 of my sisters bridesmaids tried or attempted to be solo mums! Totally unrelated to each other. Actually another has a 3yo and 2yo twins, so I know two solo mums doing that. I would be rocking in the corner!

  11. The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to Mod-Wise Enough For This Useful Post:

    Angelhearts  (06-08-2017),bowiegirl  (10-01-2018),gingermillie  (06-08-2017),Middytron  (06-08-2017),Missblanks  (12-08-2017),Simil  (06-08-2017),SingleNoMingle  (29-08-2017)

  12. #7
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    There was an insight sbs episode on this. Check it out.

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    Mod-Zeddie  (06-08-2017)

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    I was also able to track down another mum who used the same sperm. There's websites out there to help. They live interstate but once a year we catch up so the kids can play.

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    Hetty  (08-08-2017)

  16. #9
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    @Wise Enough - thankyou for sharing your story!! I am so grateful to have yet another IRL story to think about. @morganleroy - I've seen that episode a few weeks ago and found it very interesting to hear from the children of the single mums - especially as there was opposing views from the two teens. I actually think I've found every thing SMBC that's out there!!
    @KylieML, I know that 30 still gives me time to have a baby the "traditional" way by meeting somebody, but the cold harsh reality is that fertility drops after 30, I have PCOS and have family history of early menopause. The simplest reality is that I want a child of my own and that will be a constant desire no matter how many more years I try meet "the one" - which I've already been actively doing for years now!! So with the two thoughts combined, it's a very easy decision to start the process now, knowing I have age on my side if there are hurdles. I'm also financially stable, with an incredible support network and a great job - so the only thing holding me back is a lack of penis, and that's something I can work around

    I'm pretty excited to be going through my fertility testing at the moment after my first FS appointment a few weeks ago... Monday will be an ultrasound and hormonal blood tests on CD4; had AMH, blood group, antibodies testing already, so hopefully next FS appointment is soon and then it's counselling, donor choice, and finally a first attempt at TTC which I hope to be around December!
    @Wise Enough - I feel like I have a million questions!! You are the first I've "spoken" to in the same position as me!
    How did you find the first 6 mths on your own? My best friend really struggled with PND and she had her partner there and her sister next door.
    Do you work full-time? How do you handle that? I've done all my research on daycare - found one close to work with (at the moment) no wait list, and looked at costs etc as well. I've also researched what benefits and entitlements I'll be able to get through centerlink and even though I'm not able to get maximum amounts due to my earnings, it will help. I'm hoping to have a 9-12mths mat leave too and am really proud to know my hard work saving over the last few years will allow this!!
    Did you find it hard not to talk about TTC the whole time?? At the moment I'm remaining very tight lipped until I'm actually pregnant due to some changes happening at work., so have only told mum, sister and bff... I feel like because I don't have a partner to bounce off, I'm constantly in overdrive thinking and chatting to them!!

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    nettz84  (13-08-2017)

  18. #10
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    It's an exciting time! But yes best keep your mouth shut at work, I've discovered the hard way managers gossip.

    I had no issue with bub 1 as a newborn. I mean it's hard, but it's hard with a partner too. Nothing will really prepare you for it. But it's also nice, just focusing on your baby. Keep going with your mums group, eventually they form part of your village.

    When I had bub 2 that was much much harder though. My parents were involved in her life, we share a house. At 5 months old they went away for 3 months. Prior to that she had been sleeping through. When they left she went to waking every hour and taking 45 mins to settle. So I had 15 mins out of every hour to sleep. No napping during the day either as I had a toddler. It was one of the worst times of my life. I had no family close by then either. My sister would drive 3 hours to my house on the weekend with her kids to give me some rest. She's now 3.5 and still wakes several times a night. I realise she has strong separation anxiety. When my parents returned she was slangrt at them. Burst into tears and sent them dirty looks then pretended they weren't there. I had no idea babies could remember and feel this way.

    I work shift work so rely heavily on my family. My dad takes them to school when I start early and they put them to bed when I'm on afternoon shift.

    I was able to have 9 months off with both girls. My advice is save your leave! Aside from maternity leave there's still school holidays to think about.

    You sound like you're across everything. I have no doubt you will rock solo parenting. I watched a show once on Sami Lucas thinking about doing this. She never did, decided to wait for mr right. Well she didn't get a baby. Even if you meet mr right he might already have kids and not want more.

    Anything I haven't answered feel free to ask


 

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