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  1. #11
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    I haven't posted for years but still stalk. I had to reply. I'm a twin boy mum with depression.
    Honestly the first six months was the hardest thing I've ever done.
    My boys are 4 now and I'm right now fighting my way out of a black cloud of depression.
    What worked for me was getting medicated. I was deadset against medication but it made such a BIG difference.
    I went from hating (strong but that's how I felt) my children and my life to coping with the day to day monotony of raising children. I'm not super happy but I just manage life better now!
    There are always bad times but the medication allows me to manage much better.
    In hind site I've probably had depression for years but having the stress of twins (prem and one with increased health issues - CF) exacerbated the issue and I needed to get help.
    Another recommendation is to utilise support people. As the baby phase wears off you are just supposed to cope.
    I need time away from my family for me. I feel guilty because I'm not one of those mothers who is all about her kids but I do what I have to to get through.
    Use your support people!
    My marriage also suffered because of the stress of twins, depression, money etc and I almost walked away so many times but things are finally starting to get better.
    I know I probably haven't helped but I wanted you to know you are not alone and that getting help in whatever form works for you is the first step. And know that it will get better/easier.
    Hugs to you.
    I'll try and check in more if you'd like to chat/share/vent.

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  3. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by gingermillie View Post
    @Petulia are you seeking help for your PND and anxiety? GP, child health nurse, psychologist, multiple birth association, PANDA? I hope you're talking to people and it's great that you're talking on here too. Have you got supportive partner and family and friends? It's so important to use the resources that you have access to. It's a survival tactic at this stage I think.
    No twins for me but my dd was through ivf so very planned (took 2 years of treatment) and I was so shell-shocked the first few months after she was born I was regularly questioning wtf have I done
    Things have got better and my dd is 2 in a few weeks and I adore her she is so much fun. I can truly say I am glad to have her now - it took a very long time for me to feel that way. The turning point was around the 8-12 month mark when she started sleeping better and every little milestone of independence has helped too like walking and talking and understanding things more. Toddlerhood is a breeze for me so far compared to the first 12 months I found it so hard for many reasons. I definitely won't be having any more children I'm just not cut out for it.
    I can only imagine the difficulties are magnified exponentially with having two babies going through those stages at the same time.
    Take it day by day and hopefully you start to get some small wins in the next few months as they get older. Take all the help that's offered/available. Keep talking. Reach out. Hang in there you're doing an amazing job looking after 2 babies at once.
    I am seeking help, and on medication, just waiting for everything to start working. We have limited practical support, we live some distance from family. Supportive partner, a couple of friends who can't offer much practical support. My family aren't supportive.MIL was helping full time but just told us, at the worst possible time, it's too much for her and she is going back to 1-2 days a week of help. Was in an MBU but like I said, had to leave because the babies picked up gastro. Back on the waitlist for werribee mercy, but now trying to decide if I should go to northpark instead as they have a bed availiable and sounds like a bit more day to day therapy, but much shorter stay.
    I can't see how I can get to the 12 month mark feeling like I do now. Resentful, regretful, definitely not cut out for motherhood.

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    Ruby_Tuesday15  (27-05-2017)

  5. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wise Enough View Post
    Babies take so much and give so little. They're big needy lumps. And you have two of them. The continual drain, the lack of me time... combined with the journey involved in creating them, it's not surprising you have some trouble adjusting.

    I just want you to know it does get better. You need to throw every idea you had about how parenting would be out the window. It's not like the Johnson and Johnson commercials make out. Yes some mums burst with love at the sight of their newborns. Others are a slow burn. I loved my DD1 when she was born but I didn't know her. It was weird being the mum to someone I didn't know. Poor DD2 I kept forgetting existed when she was a baby.

    My girls are now 5 and 3 and soooo much more fun than when they were babies. Plus I can put a movie on and go make dinner, I'm not stuck feeding all the freaking time.

    Hang in there Hun
    I don't want to be judged for sounding horrible, but I don't love them. I feel like they are a burden. And one day feels like forever, let alone it getting easier when they are 6 months, or 12 months, or 3...

  6. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by PrincessPud View Post
    I haven't posted for years but still stalk. I had to reply. I'm a twin boy mum with depression.
    Honestly the first six months was the hardest thing I've ever done.
    My boys are 4 now and I'm right now fighting my way out of a black cloud of depression.
    What worked for me was getting medicated. I was deadset against medication but it made such a BIG difference.
    I went from hating (strong but that's how I felt) my children and my life to coping with the day to day monotony of raising children. I'm not super happy but I just manage life better now!
    There are always bad times but the medication allows me to manage much better.
    In hind site I've probably had depression for years but having the stress of twins (prem and one with increased health issues - CF) exacerbated the issue and I needed to get help.
    Another recommendation is to utilise support people. As the baby phase wears off you are just supposed to cope.
    I need time away from my family for me. I feel guilty because I'm not one of those mothers who is all about her kids but I do what I have to to get through.
    Use your support people!
    My marriage also suffered because of the stress of twins, depression, money etc and I almost walked away so many times but things are finally starting to get better.
    I know I probably haven't helped but I wanted you to know you are not alone and that getting help in whatever form works for you is the first step. And know that it will get better/easier.
    Hugs to you.
    I'll try and check in more if you'd like to chat/share/vent.
    You have helped a lot. I have absolutely hated them at times, still probably do, because I want my old life back and I can't have it.... I would like to walk away and stay away this time and satrt from scratch - no job, no money - but know no-one would ever understand or forgive me, probably myself included. I would even sacrifice my partner at this stage as I don't feel much for anyone else except for how it does or doesn't impact on me - I don't feel the capacity to care about/for anyone else.
    I am on medication, changed from one to another, it just isn't working yet.
    We have limited support people. I guess it would be easier for others to help when they are older and need less 'support'.
    At this stage I can't imagine ever being one of those mums where their kids are their life. Right now I'm thinking about my partner being the stay at home dad and me going back to work, so I can get away from them. I so thought I'd be able to do this

  7. #15
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    Im worried you are waiting for your medication to kick in and your heart to feel overwhelmed with love etc. I never took medication for my pna, so I am only basing this on what I had read, but you probably still have a long hard road even after it starts working...I'm so sorry to say that. I don't honestly believe ALL of what you're experiencing is depression. I think it's really, really, REALLY normal and just not a lot of people talk about it. I felt the same way, both children. I wanted to leave and start over fresh and new without kids. I wanted my life back. In so many ways I still do but I have come to a place where I look at my first and I love him so much I couldn't imagine not having him. All that got me to this place was time. Things that Helped me cope were me time, my mother's group, keeping hubby up to date with how I did things and wanted things done so I could leave and not panic and a routine so I was daily confident when in the swing of things of what I needed to have ready in what time I had as well as a pretty clear window of when he'd be down for the night and I could breathe again.Things that made it easier were bubs being able that have longer awake times happily, bubs beginning to travel happily in the car, bub sleeping better and not needing constant patting and shushing to go down.
    Have you considered popping them in day care a day a week. I have considered that with my new baby but I'm having trouble working out how I'd justify putting him in and keeping my eldest at home...

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    Petulia  (27-05-2017)

  9. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by tootsiegirl View Post
    Im worried you are waiting for your medication to kick in and your heart to feel overwhelmed with love etc. I never took medication for my pna, so I am only basing this on what I had read, but you probably still have a long hard road even after it starts working...I'm so sorry to say that. I don't honestly believe ALL of what you're experiencing is depression. I think it's really, really, REALLY normal and just not a lot of people talk about it. I felt the same way, both children. I wanted to leave and start over fresh and new without kids. I wanted my life back. In so many ways I still do but I have come to a place where I look at my first and I love him so much I couldn't imagine not having him. All that got me to this place was time. Things that Helped me cope were me time, my mother's group, keeping hubby up to date with how I did things and wanted things done so I could leave and not panic and a routine so I was daily confident when in the swing of things of what I needed to have ready in what time I had as well as a pretty clear window of when he'd be down for the night and I could breathe again.Things that made it easier were bubs being able that have longer awake times happily, bubs beginning to travel happily in the car, bub sleeping better and not needing constant patting and shushing to go down.
    Have you considered popping them in day care a day a week. I have considered that with my new baby but I'm having trouble working out how I'd justify putting him in and keeping my eldest at home...
    I;m not under any delusions that medication is the only answer and will fix everything, I'm just hoping it will help me feel better - so I don't feel so low, anxious, highly irritable - so I can have a bit of space to breathe and start working on all of the other things you mentioned. Feeling able to join a mother's group, leave the house with them without it being a monumental overwhelming task, doing things I used to enjoy just for me again, even briefly. Having said that, while I appreciate your honesty, right now it's not helpful for me to think about how hard it's still going to be, forseeably for the rest of my life probably, because it makes me feel overwhelmed and hopeless, and I need to take it day by day and hope for small shifts to get me through and give me hope.
    My partner is pretty fantastic, he is doing a lot of the care at the moment (especially the settling which I can find really really tough) and he takes them overnight.
    It will definitely help so much I think when they are awake happy rather than grizzling and not fighting sleep so much. One of them is very sensitive though, so he's not going to change temperament overnight.
    Can I ask why you went back for another when you felt like that with your first? The idea of childcare freaks me out because of them being exposed to sick kids. Dealing with two sick infants to me would not be worth one day of them in childcare. My partner is not working at the moment because I can't really care for the kids much, so we couldn't afford it anyway.

  10. #17
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    So sorry. I certainly don't want to exacerbate the feeling of hopelessness. It sounds like you are quite realistic about what the medication can do for you. It may help to try and get in the headspace a bit that this feeling is unlikely to be forever or even long term...I have always been honest and open about my pna (although I had little choice as apparently it was glaringly obvious) and only that way did I find how many people around me also suffered with it. Nobody around me personally still finds as difficult as they did in the beginning. Yes, some still say they are battling depression years later but it isn't that same hopeless flight or fight feeling every single day. I'm wary of saying anything to make you feel any worse, I hope that helps you somewhat...

    Time eased my anxiety and to my surprise, when I needed to go back to work after a year at home it was the last thing I wanted to do. We totally were in our groove of what we did together. I still did not want a second though but agreed for my hubby. I then had a miscarriage and Baby 2 was a complete surprise not long after. That, I'm sure contributed to my feelings after his birth as well as his prematurity and my long hospital stay leading up to his birth and his nicu/scn stay.
    I guess all I really have to add is despite not having twins, I know exactly how you feel. Every feeling you have mentioned I had. I got thrown straight back to it when my second was conceived and I'm still not completely out of it. If I had a magic turn back time clock I'd still use it for my second pregnancy BUT I'm ok. I see a positive future for us all. I know things will shift and change.

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  12. #18
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    Please take my advice and get into a pnd clinic/hospital.

    This is the only thing I wished I did when I had my son. I had pnd, ptsd with mybdsughter and then our son got sick and I couldn't deal. I went into 'im ok'. I'm still mending friendships I threw away. This was due to fear of judgement if I did go in

    Call your home nurse person there is pnd playgroups/mothers group that meet weekly instead of other ones and try get you on right track too. So your not as isolated as well. I don't have twins but my kids are 10monthd apart. Hope your ok xx

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  14. #19
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    I don't have twins but I had problems bonding with ds2. He was a sickly child. I found it helpful to list easy, daily tasks I could do that 1. Involved self-care for me; and 2. Involved bonding with ds2. These tasks were very simple and quick, and they were concrete rather than vague like "spending time with"; and they were things that I enjoyed. So because I enjoy singing/music, my bonding task with ds2 was just to sing a song to him once a day when he was settled and awake. It took just a few minutes, and I focused on being 100% in the moment. At first I was sort of faking it, but it quickly became enjoyable. I started to notice things about him I hadn't noticed and I felt those brief moments were reciprocal as he smiled, etc. . It can feel like a sickly baby is always crying, never sleeping, always sick, but there are typically several moments in the day when they are settled. Focusing on bonding during those moments rather than the rest of the time when they are being awful meant I could switch off and go through the motions of baby care in those difficult moments rather than fixate on our lack of bond which just made everything worse.

    hope this helps and take care. Don't forget to do daily simple self care tasks, even for just a few minutes.

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  16. #20
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    I replied on your other thread but yep I have twins and PND. Three weeks for the meds to kick in and when they did life became so much less daunting and regretful.

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    Petulia  (29-05-2017)


 

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