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  1. #11
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    We talk a lot about choices with our Mr 4 + find role playing different scenarios help. Kids can be blunt and mean, but by role playing the different options it's helped to reign in his temper and somewhat diffuse the situation with his bully as he is not getting the reaction he wants. Eg. Ringleader won't let group play with him, DS is to find a different activity to do...

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    Simil  (27-05-2017)

  3. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Simil View Post
    This other child is pushing, hitting and bullying her DD.. she is also trying to attempt mobbing style bullying against her DD. That can have catastrophic consequences on a 4 year old .

    I did say if she exhausts all other reasonable options and none of them work, to try and help her daughter fight back (verbally) to create an uncomfortable feeling in the bully.. after all the other girl is doing far worse things.

    Embarrassing a bully can be done in an intelligent way without creating complexes in a child. Im not suggesting she insults her. She can give her some tips on what to say in a way thats clever and effective and will cause the bully to avoid targeting her DD.



    What is the alternative if all other options are exhausted and its not an option for her to change environments? That her DD takes it and becomes a victim? What will that do to her DDs self esteem and character? How will the bullying impact on her DD for the rest of her life? A child's character is formed by age 6.

    There is nothing wrong with teaching her DD to return back an insult when all other options have failed. If its done right her DD wont think its an appropriate action to take whenever someone doesnt want to play with her. The problem isnt that this girl doesnt want to play with her. The problem is that she is pushing and hitting her and calling on to other kids to not play with her. Its creating anxiety as a response which is a red flag response.

    I believe that at 4 she can have conversations with the child to explain what is appropriate and what is inappropriate behaviour. When is it appropriate to stand up for yourself in the play ground for an example and effective ways to do that.

    Unfortunately sometimes talking to teachers, other parents, avoiding a bully or removing a child from an environment doesn't work (or isnt possible).. and that stage i think standing up for yourself is almost always more beneficial for a child then to cop the abuse which can damage her well into adulthood.
    I agree that what the other child is doing is awful and damaging however I disagree that it's acceptable to handle it in this way. I'll just agree to disagree

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    Mum-I-Am  (28-05-2017)

  5. #13
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    Have you tried play acting responses for your child? So for example before preschool DS2 and I talk about what is and isn't ok behaviour. We play act what to say or do if someone is hitting/pushing or saying something not nice. I have taught DS2 to put his arm out straight palm flat and say in his loudest voice 'stop I don't like that' he is then to walk away and tell his teacher.

    Maybe you could come up with some other scenarios for your daughter.

    Otherwise I would continue following up with her carers. Hugs

  6. #14
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    I agree to an extent to teach your child to say something back to the other child but not to embarress them but to show them that there words are having no affect on your child.

    Having a 7 yo in school she has always been told why bullies do those things as the bully is insecure etc and my dd understands that but at the end of the day it still upsets them that it is happening.

    4 is a tough age as they are in and out of "best friends" and they often want to lead in playing.

    We need to teach our children not to be bullies but we also need to teach them to stand up for themselves and have confidence.

  7. #15
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    Thanks everyone. I dont want her to be a bully or be bullied. It really is tough

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    Twinkletoes Sparklebutt  (27-05-2017)

  9. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by maternidade View Post
    Thanks everyone. I dont want her to be a bully or be bullied. It really is tough
    Big hugs. It certainly is hard as a mum to see this happen to your child. Keep reminding her that she can always come and talk to you, dd and I have big chats when Im putting her to bed about school and any problems she is having.


 

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