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  1. #1
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    Default School yard bully

    Dd1 who's nearly 4 is being picked on by another child. I've spoken to daycare and they are teaching the class about being nice to each other and how feelings can be hurt. I'm also telling dd1 to just walk away when it happens and to not hit or push back or say mean things as she'll get in trouble too.
    What can I do and how can I make her feel ok

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    I'd ask the educators to monitor and find the root of the cause, then it can be addressed with the children and parents. How long has it been going on?

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    I'm doing a massive focus on kindness with my class. Their favourite book is "have you filled a bucket today".

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    Also at this age children are still learning how to interact, play and negotiate with each other. What is the child doing exactly to pick on your DD?

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    Pushing, hitting ( which I know dd is guilty off too and I've told her not to do that) but also creating isolation, not playing ( use to be friends and this child will play with DD when it suits her), telling her to go away and that they're not friends, getting others not to play with DD.
    it's at a point where DD doesn't want to go if she's there and she complains about no friends.
    I don't expect all children to play with each other and I know DD can be very bossy too so ( so not completely innocent)
    I'm mainly after tips on how to make dd more resilient. To not be resilient on getting her self worth from others.

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    Ask your DD if she can guess how many kids are in her grade or in her school (she wont be able to but she will know its a big number). Then explain to your DD that this bully is just ONE child and that the school is full of other children. Try and encourage her to focus on other kids and avoid the bully if possible.

    If the bully persists think of something age appropriate she can say to her to embarrass her. I know its dirty play but if nothing else works, embarrassing her to the point where she avoids interaction with DD may be the way to go. Id only suggest this after exhausting all other reasonable options.

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    Try assessing the route cause, on your own and with the help of her educators. If the situation persists then you can switch..

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    I'd maybe explain to her why this girl may be acting the way she is. In that bucket book I mentioned it explains that people dip into your bucket because they think it will fill their own bucket. Maybe this other child has things going on in their life and they actually don't have much self worth which is why they are picking on your DD.

    Can you organise a play date with just the two of them so it's out of that environment and away from peers? It may be just what they need to repair their friendship.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Simil View Post

    If the bully persists think of something age appropriate she can say to her to embarrass her. I know its dirty play but if nothing else works, embarrassing her to the point where she avoids interaction with DD may be the way to go. Id only suggest this after exhausting all other reasonable options.
    This is a young child who is still learning how to interact appropriately. How is embarrassing a child going to help them to learn how to treat others with empathy and respect? Also, what sort of role model would you be if you said it was ok to belittle someone else? Children of that age don't always understand context yet. If OP taught her daughter to do that, she may think it's ok to do any time someone doesn't want to play with her.

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    Default School yard bully

    Quote Originally Posted by Mamasupial View Post
    This is a young child who is still learning how to interact appropriately. How is embarrassing a child going to help them to learn how to treat others with empathy and respect? Also, what sort of role model would you be if you said it was ok to belittle someone else? Children of that age don't always understand context yet. If OP taught her daughter to do that, she may think it's ok to do any time someone doesn't want to play with her.
    This other child is pushing, hitting and bullying her DD.. she is also trying to attempt mobbing style bullying against her DD. That can have catastrophic consequences on a 4 year old .

    I did say if she exhausts all other reasonable options and none of them work, to try and help her daughter fight back (verbally) to create an uncomfortable feeling in the bully.. after all the other girl is doing far worse things.

    Embarrassing a bully can be done in an intelligent way without creating complexes in a child. Im not suggesting she insults her. She can give her some tips on what to say in a way thats clever and effective and will cause the bully to avoid targeting her DD.



    What is the alternative if all other options are exhausted and its not an option for her to change environments? That her DD takes it and becomes a victim? What will that do to her DDs self esteem and character? How will the bullying impact on her DD for the rest of her life? A child's character is formed by age 6.

    There is nothing wrong with teaching her DD to return back an insult when all other options have failed. If its done right her DD wont think its an appropriate action to take whenever someone doesnt want to play with her. The problem isnt that this girl doesnt want to play with her. The problem is that she is pushing and hitting her and calling on to other kids to not play with her. Its creating anxiety as a response which is a red flag response.

    I believe that at 4 she can have conversations with the child to explain what is appropriate and what is inappropriate behaviour. When is it appropriate to stand up for yourself in the play ground for an example and effective ways to do that.

    Unfortunately sometimes talking to teachers, other parents, avoiding a bully or removing a child from an environment doesn't work (or isnt possible).. and that stage i think standing up for yourself is almost always more beneficial for a child then to cop the abuse which can damage her well into adulthood.
    Last edited by Simil; 26-05-2017 at 23:11.


 

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