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  1. #51
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    Quote Originally Posted by turquoisecoast View Post
    i was at home on tuesday as i don't work that day. ds did a 3 hour sleep so i thought it best to prepare some food ahead of time, food that both dh and ds can eat easily and without fuss. i know it's hard wrangling a toddler who's going b@tsh!t crazy ripping the house apart, it's hard when there's 2 of you, never mind on your own. dh was at work so i figured rather than sit around and do nothing, i may as well cook something. i actually didn't have much else to do and i enjoy cooking for the most part, so it was ok. but for sure, the mum guilt was a major motivating factor too.
    I don't think there's anything wrong with what you did at all...I do 2-4weeks worth of meals all the time because I know when I'm at work of an evening DH is wrangling after school activities, homework with older kids, reading with younger kids, and often he has meetings to attend after the evening rush has settled. I text him and let him know what's for dinner and what he needs to add to take one thing off his mental check list. But don't do it out of mother guilt, do it because you're a team who support each other. I will never understand why women put up with being treated like slaves and know if they go away for a weekend they're coming home to a trashed house with nothing done because their DH won't 'think' to clean up...that's not okay at all (not saying your DH would do that).

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    turquoisecoast  (24-05-2017)

  3. #52
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    Quote Originally Posted by Full House View Post
    I don't think there's anything wrong with what you did at all...I do 2-4weeks worth of meals all the time because I know when I'm at work of an evening DH is wrangling after school activities, homework with older kids, reading with younger kids, and often he has meetings to attend after the evening rush has settled. I text him and let him know what's for dinner and what he needs to add to take one thing off his mental check list. But don't do it out of mother guilt, do it because you're a team who support each other. I will never understand why women put up with being treated like slaves and know if they go away for a weekend they're coming home to a trashed house with nothing done because their DH won't 'think' to clean up...that's not okay at all (not saying your DH would do that).
    hrm i like how you've framed that, thanks

    you're so right. dh supports me in going away and taking time out for myself so i support him and make things easy for him while i'm away. makes sense.

    dh is pretty tidy and clean. the house probably won't be up to my standard of cleanliness when i get back, but it won't be trashed either.

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    Full House  (25-05-2017)

  5. #53
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    Yes. So much yes. DH is pretty good, but I do carry the load at home mentally and do the majority of household things as well. He does work very long hours though and has been focussed on building our business. I'm working 1-2 days in the office, plus a minimum of 20 hours at home and the juggle isn't always easy. This bit especially resonated with me

    IMG_6594.jpg IMG_6595.jpg

    This feels like my day! I thought it was just me, so glad it's not. I sometimes feel I get nothing accomplished.

  6. #54
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    I can TOTALLY relate to this. I am definitely bearing most of the 'mental load' of our household.

    I don't really mind though....I guess it's just automatic! Plus I'm a SAHM at the moment and DP works long hours, so I consider the household stuff my 'job' as much as DP considers his work as his 'job'.

  7. #55
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    After reading a few post here I realised how blessed I am.
    While I carry all the load on a day to day basis, when I go away I don't need to do anything to prepare etc. Just a quick run down on any appointments he might need to take the kids to.
    The first time I had a planned week away. I prepared meals and clothes etc.... dh got mega offended. He felt like I was saying he wasn't good enough to look after his kids. Of the 10 meals I made and froze he used none. Actually to be honest he is a better mum at the physical running of the house than I am.
    Now I can go away at the drop of a hat with no worries about what is going on at home.

    I am truly blessed.

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  9. #56
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    At first it annoyed me that I carry that mental load and Dh had no idea about timings/plannings etc . My Sh is very hands on don't get me wrong. He is proactive and will do things without being asked. But when I left him a list of timings/feedings for bub when I went out the other day I really think he had no idea that that kind of structure goes into a day. But I think sometimes us women do it to ourselves. We complain that husbands don't help with that mental load enough but would we really hand over control of it that easily?

  10. #57
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    My dh helps with the housework and is excellent with the kids, but i do carry the majority of the mental load. DH and I have had disagreements over this very topic and he says 'but I help you around the house. I asked what you needed and I did them, I hung the washing out, brought the bins in etc'. Then I explain 'yes, but why do you need to ask? Have a look around.' I'm the one handling all the school dates with the pin board, I handle all the bills. I have 20 balls in the air at one time.

    But if I really am honest with myself.... it's partly my fault. And not bc I allow it to continue, or even bc I don't trust him to do it. I have anxiety and my major trigger is disorganisation and lack of control, so I tend to micro manage. Again, not bc I don't trust other's ability, or even I think I'm the only one to do it properly. But when I'm in control my anxiety is low as the outcome is predictable, safe. So if he did take a lot more of the mental load, it would put my anxiety into overdrive.


 

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