ADVERTISEMENT

+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 6 123 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 57
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    5,499
    Thanks
    7,420
    Thanked
    6,209
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts

    Default 'The mental load' - distribution of household mental labour

    I am shamelessly re-posting this link that I saw elsewhere. It's a (fairly long) comic about how women take on most of the mental labour required to run a household (e.g remembering the shopping needs and bills, organizing lunch bags, being the social planner etc). This really resonated with me because even though my DH does 'stuff' I feel like I do the majority of the organizing that keeps the household running.
    Am going to send the comic to my DH as I think it might be a lightbulb for him as it articulates what I've been on about lately.
    Am also keen to hear your thoughts on this?
    https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05...houldve-asked/

  2. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to gingermillie For This Useful Post:

    BH-KatiesMum  (23-05-2017),OSmum2017  (22-05-2017),Shellosaurus  (23-05-2017)

  3. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    5,091
    Thanks
    1,796
    Thanked
    3,211
    Reviews
    11
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    Love Emma Clit. That comic throw a social media storm in France.

    Subscribe to her blog, she always has fab feminist views.

    Go Emma Clitoris!!!

    As for the mental load, I'm working on sharing it with DH. For a week he's in charge of the food from planning to delivering and I'm the helper.
    I'm determined not to teach my daughter that I'm the household manager nor my son that he is the helper.

  4. The Following User Says Thank You to ExcuseMyFrench For This Useful Post:

    gingermillie  (23-05-2017)

  5. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Posts
    261
    Thanks
    181
    Thanked
    450
    Reviews
    0
    Huh! Thanks! It got lost somewhere in my FB feed and I've been wanting to share it with a friend.

    Honestly, it made me really uncomfortable to start with (and I don't know why). But it definitely puts to paper something that I don't think I've been fully aware of, but has kind of been bothering me in the back of my mind somewhere.

  6. The Following User Says Thank You to OSmum2017 For This Useful Post:

    gingermillie  (23-05-2017)

  7. #4
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    9,690
    Thanks
    4,138
    Thanked
    5,617
    Reviews
    9
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Wow what an eye opening read, thanks for sharing! This is so true in our household and I didn't even realise. Sometimes I say things to hubby like "you're responsible for arranging the green slips and insurance for the cars, I don't have room in my brain for all of that". Until I read this, I thought we were 50/50 with household and family stuff but I'm the one mentally managing both which is probably why I often feel overwhelmed with it all.

  8. The Following User Says Thank You to JR03 For This Useful Post:

    gingermillie  (23-05-2017)

  9. #5
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Posts
    462
    Thanks
    280
    Thanked
    367
    Reviews
    0
    I didn't get through the entire comic (I'm too busy multi tasking before bed) but get the gist & completely, 150% agree.

    This is my reality. I have a very agreeable DH, thankfully, but even still, the thinking/delegation falls to me and I find it suffocating at times.

    When ppl say their husbands/partners help a lot or husbands/partners say they are 'hands on' I think - so you should be! And I bet that's still not even half the load. There's birthday/Xmas planning, presents for everyone, school admin, new seasons clothes, monitoring development, home decorating, caring for extended family (this is usually women's work), family photos etc. Not to mention all the obvious stuff.

    I'm always chasing my tail & cursing myself for forgetting things, but it's no real surprise why. Just.cant.win.

    This also relates to the 'Second Shift' if you're interested in that theory, worth googling.

  10. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to YeahYeahYeah For This Useful Post:

    AdornedWithCats  (23-05-2017),gingermillie  (23-05-2017)

  11. #6
    Join Date
    May 2017
    Posts
    2
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked
    1
    Reviews
    0
    In my household (we don't have any kids yet) it's the other way around. My husband takes on allot more 'mental labour' than me in the relationship. We are both really aware of it and it seems to work for us but he knows if he needs me to take over he just lets me know. We are both quite particular about how we like stuff done too so I let him look after the stuff he is particular about and vice versa. For us structure & repetition make us feel comfortable so it works for us.

  12. The Following User Says Thank You to Krella17 For This Useful Post:

    gingermillie  (23-05-2017)

  13. #7
    Join Date
    Dec 2015
    Posts
    3,617
    Thanks
    4,719
    Thanked
    2,173
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Sigh yes 100% I carry the mental load in our house. I am sick of him saying 'you should have asked'. I turn around and say 'why? Why should I ask? If I wasn't here would you need someone to tell you?' Doesn't change anything though. It's exhausting.

  14. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to binnielici For This Useful Post:

    gingermillie  (23-05-2017),Shellosaurus  (23-05-2017)

  15. #8
    Join Date
    Nov 2016
    Posts
    264
    Thanks
    135
    Thanked
    134
    Reviews
    0
    Wow. That is SO spot on! And something I struggle big time to get DP to understand. This is brilliant, I think showing him this will really help! He's one of those ones that literally said to me, "You only work part time, how on earth can you be overwhelmed?"



    I could have walked out right then! This articulates how I feel perfectly. He wants to help, and will do things if I ask, but doesn't understand what leads up to me having to ask in the first place. Thanks for posting!

  16. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to frankie46 For This Useful Post:

    AdornedWithCats  (23-05-2017),gingermillie  (23-05-2017)

  17. #9
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Posts
    4,785
    Thanks
    914
    Thanked
    1,351
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Yes. So accurate. My DH is very hands on but I carry the mental load for sure. It's utterly exhausting and a lot of the reason I get overwhelmed. DH gets it, we speak if it often. Regardless, he struggles to remember dates/times/lists etc so if I don't do it it doesn't happen. He will try really hard for a few weeks but it doesn't cut it. Before we were living together he regularly forgot to pay bills etc. It's nothing new

  18. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to teenie For This Useful Post:

    AdornedWithCats  (23-05-2017),gingermillie  (23-05-2017)

  19. #10
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Posts
    4,187
    Thanks
    1,689
    Thanked
    4,569
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    DH used to say just ask...but since I've been a shift worker he has had to organise things on his own...
    In saying that we have a lot of systems in place to help (as DH works away so often we are just crossing paths)...we have a washing schedule for our clothes, we have a board for school notes to go to and one of us will have a look each week and fill them out and pay for them etc. That's for both of us, though. Without systems in plce we both come unstuck. I manage our food. DH never orders the groceries, but then I never do any online banking stuff so I think we're okay there.
    We would have issues with the more heavy housework I'm sure, as DH doesn't see the value in spending time on things like cleaning a bathroom etc. Thankfully he doesn't see that as my job essentially...he thinks it's a waste of time for both of us and when I returned to work (double income), he announced he had hired a cleaner.
    I have been pretty determined to not be the manager of the house and have been pretty vocal in my expectations. There was a definite transition period from me being a SAHM to me working as we both adjusted to new roles...but we don't ever argue about day to day housework.
    Last edited by Full House; 23-05-2017 at 08:05.

  20. The Following User Says Thank You to Full House For This Useful Post:

    gingermillie  (23-05-2017)


 

Similar Threads

  1. Poll: What's the gross income of your household?
    By bada in forum Family Finances
    Replies: 126
    Last Post: 12-09-2009, 09:15
  2. Replies: 28
    Last Post: 30-08-2007, 19:33
  3. Replies: 0
    Last Post: 15-06-2007, 21:37
  4. Replies: 14
    Last Post: 08-12-2005, 15:56

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

FEATURED SUPPORTER
Pea Pods Reusable NappiesPea Pods are the smart choice when it comes to choosing what's best for you, your baby and the environment. Affordable ...
REVIEWS
"Made bed time less anxious"
by Meld85
My Little Heart Whisbear - the Humming Bear reviews ›
"Wonderful natural Aussie made product!"
by Mrstwr
Baby U Goat Milk Moisturiser reviews ›
"Replaced good quality with cheap tight nappies"
by Kris
Coles Comfy Bots Nappies reviews ›

ADVERTISEMENT