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  1. #21
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    haahaha you got me at watching Disney movies

  2. #22
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    I found having a bub actually added a lot of new friends and acquaintances into my life. Make sure you join a mothers group, join playgroup, join any baby classes you can and you will find friends, many of whom are in your same circumstances. Having babies the same age is a great commonality. Some of my best friends i have made through our children

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  4. #23
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    I have great friends, with kids. But nothing really prepares you for how isolating that first year is. People stopped inviting me to stuff assuming I couldn't go (and they were right). Once when I was on mat leave I went to a work catch up with my toddler and baby and all my "friends" ignored me. I have never forgotten that and realised they are collegues, not friends.

    But you do find your feet, with mums groups ect. It's hard but keep making the effort to go. I've made friends with school mums, little aths mums, there's lots of opportunities to make friends as your baby gets older.

    The other thing is you change. You honestly don't give a rats about paintball, you just want me time. Time alone at the shops to try on clothes. Time to bake without "helpers". Time to just sit an binge watch Netflix. The little things that weren't an activity before suddenly become your idea of a good time.

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    Galdoria  (30-05-2017),gingermillie  (31-05-2017),Simil  (25-05-2017),smallpotatoes  (25-05-2017)

  6. #24
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    I think its whatever you make of it, like with everything. Its all about perception.

    You have an opportunity to expand your social circle and make new friends.

    With some planning and adjustments, things dont have to change too much. It all depends on what kind of a life style you have now.. if you are the type to go out till late every weekend..and intensive catch ups mid weeks with friends the adjustment may be more felt if your friends dont have kids.

    Personally Im very much of a home body. I love catching up with friends over brunches and dinners, seeing movies and or going out for drinks but being home at a reasonable hour because i love my sleep haha..

    I also really like my own down time at home. I dont fancy seeing friends or doing things every other day.

    I dont have kids yet so maybe Im in for a rude shock but i feel that ill be able to maintain a similar life style when I have a baby. I dont see a problem bringing her on day dates with me sometimes. Other times DH or her very eager grandparents can look after her and we can take turns.

    The only concern I have is travelling as DH and I love to travel often.. but I think with some compromise its perfectly doable with kids. Sure it wont be the same but it doesnt mean i have to miss out all together and it may even be a more rewarding experience.

    You can either go into it thinking it will be hard and everything will change or you can go into it thinking it will be rewarding and bring you so many more positive social opportunities.

    Just think of how many more opportunities youll have to do similar activities as paintball when you have kids

  7. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wise Enough View Post
    Once when I was on mat leave I went to a work catch up with my toddler and baby and all my "friends" ignored me. I have never forgotten that and realised they are collegues, not friends. .
    ^This.

    I find that when big changes happen in your life its a good opportunity to find out who your real friends are.

    Real friends make time and adjustments for you regardless of your circumstances.. regardless if you have a crying 3 month old attached to you ... or maybe you're suffering from an illness and need a low key catch up..real friends will find a way to catch up because they want to see you. It may not be in a trendy bar.. it may be at brunch cafe, or a picnic in the park or even at your place.. but they will find the time to keep you in the loop. They will also invite you to things even if they know you may not be able to always come..

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  9. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by Simil View Post
    I think its whatever you make of it, like with everything. Its all about perception.

    You have an opportunity to expand your social circle and make new friends.

    With some planning and adjustments, things dont have to change too much. It all depends on what kind of a life style you have now.. if you are the type to go out till late every weekend..and intensive catch ups mid weeks with friends the adjustment may be more felt if your friends dont have kids.

    Personally Im very much of a home body. I love catching up with friends over brunches and dinners, seeing movies and or going out for drinks but being home at a reasonable hour because i love my sleep haha..

    I also really like my own down time at home. I dont fancy seeing friends or doing things every other day.

    I dont have kids yet so maybe Im in for a rude shock but i feel that ill be able to maintain a similar life style when I have a baby. I dont see a problem bringing her on day dates with me sometimes. Other times DH or her very eager grandparents can look after her and we can take turns.

    The only concern I have is travelling as DH and I love to travel often.. but I think with some compromise its perfectly doable with kids. Sure it wont be the same but it doesnt mean i have to miss out all together and it may even be a more rewarding experience.

    You can either go into it thinking it will be hard and everything will change or you can go into it thinking it will be rewarding and bring you so many more positive social opportunities.

    Just think of how many more opportunities youll have to do similar activities as paintball when you have kids
    I was much like you. A homebody. Even when I did go out, it was usually for drives by myself. So when baby came along, it was barely any change at all.

    As for the travel, I'm not sure what type of travel you are referring to but we have a camper trailer and we take our kids (7, 5, 4 and 3) camping at least every second weekend, sometimes more. As it is, I'm typing this sitting at a park bench in a caravan park 300kms from home, while my kids eat their snag sandwiches next to me. So you might have to adjust your type of travelling but it's definitely doable.

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  11. #27
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    Thank you all.
    @Simil I do like being at home and doing things at home but while we don't have a super active social life -as in we don't catch up during the week and not every weekend
    - we do have a social life that usually involves activities. DH can't sit still for 5 minutes so catch ups are rarely "quiet". We might go out for diner and drinks sometimes but more often than not we're catching up to do something. Paintballing was the last one but we're often hiking, camping, going to motocross races (DH and the boys race), etc...

    Quote Originally Posted by Wise Enough View Post
    I have great friends, with kids. But nothing really prepares you for how isolating that first year is. People stopped inviting me to stuff assuming I couldn't go (and they were right). Once when I was on mat leave I went to a work catch up with my toddler and baby and all my "friends" ignored me. I have never forgotten that and realised they are collegues, not friends.

    But you do find your feet, with mums groups ect. It's hard but keep making the effort to go. I've made friends with school mums, little aths mums, there's lots of opportunities to make friends as your baby gets older.

    The other thing is you change. You honestly don't give a rats about paintball, you just want me time. Time alone at the shops to try on clothes. Time to bake without "helpers". Time to just sit an binge watch Netflix. The little things that weren't an activity before suddenly become your idea of a good time.
    I admit being a tiny bit (a lot?) scared about the first year and its isolation. I realise -i think- that things get better with time but as i said to my MIL this weekend, i'm trying to avoid thinking to far in advance as it scares me.

    I think/hope that the change in mindset happens relatively smoothly, from wanting to be part of the adult fun of our group of friends to mostly child related fun and activities with mums. I have the feeling that this little human will take care of that for me just by showing up
    I'll just have to work on making sure that it isn't just my life that majorly changes, and that DH is as involved/"affected".

  12. #28
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    You can buy baby carriers meant for hiking. So things like that shouldn't necessarily be completely off the cards. Same with camping. We camp every fortnight with 4 young kids are are hoping to have another shortly. There is sooo much camping stuff aimed at babies.
    You might have to sit out on some activities, depending on what you do while there, but it shouldn't mean you have to stay home and miss out completely.

  13. #29
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    haha DH's view on camping is that if it's full of comfort stuff, it's not camping, so better stay home. So camping is mostly on the rough side. I have managed to convince him that sometimes i do like to have a tent for comfort and convenience but camping near a car or -god forbid a caravan/campervan- doesn't count. Same with hiking, if it's not challenging, not worth doing... we've had a few conversations about that since i got pregnant... it might be another of these activities where i'll have to sit out the "real ones" and come on the "baby ones".

    Admittedly, I'm only going to half miss those! I like to be warm and slightly comfortable for some reason

  14. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by Galdoria View Post
    haha DH's view on camping is that if it's full of comfort stuff, it's not camping, so better stay home. So camping is mostly on the rough side. I have managed to convince him that sometimes i do like to have a tent for comfort and convenience but camping near a car or -god forbid a caravan/campervan- doesn't count. Same with hiking, if it's not challenging, not worth doing... we've had a few conversations about that since i got pregnant... it might be another of these activities where i'll have to sit out the "real ones" and come on the "baby ones".

    Admittedly, I'm only going to half miss those! I like to be warm and slightly comfortable for some reason
    There are always compromises. You can camp in a tent with a baby.. just big comfy tent with lots of space..
    You can do challenging hikes that arent long and perhaps you and bub can wait at the tent till dad gets his challenge on if he needs that to feel satisfied. Perhaps you can organise it with friends and let the boys go do their thing while you guys do the cozy relaxing stuff 🏻

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