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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ahalfdozen View Post
    If there are a few mums in the group, can you try to organise it that two babysit all the kids while the other mums go off and then next time, a different two sit out. I say two, that way they can have company as well. But then it's a little more fair as everyone gets a turn getting to go out?
    Only 3 of our close friends have children. One of the wives hates DH and its reciprocate. She's not particularly well liked in our group as she has caused issues in the so distant past. Next one is divorced and last one's wife is much older and doesn't usually want to participate.
    We do have a new couple of friends with a young child and the wife is great. It is also really good because they are the only local friends. Unfortunately she is going through a lot and isn't really in the mind space to go out and be around pregnant women/young children. Maybe in a little while

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Renn View Post
    Yep, things change.

    I'd suggest you discuss it with your husband, otherwise you'll end up resenting him. Even if they were 'his' friends first, recreation time needs to be shared. He shouldn't get to go out whenever his friends get together, while you look after bub, just because he knew them first.
    I did discuss it with DH on Sunday night as i was quite down after that day. When he understood what i was explaining he essentially agreed with me that yes, he would miss out and my life would be more affected than his for obvious reasons. While i knew this and wasn't expecting any different, it didn't really helped. TBH, i was sort of hoping he'd disagree as i felt like picking a fight, but he took the winds right out of my sails hahah

    The issue is that at this stage, because i don't have many friends, the recreation time is already tipped in his favour. Except when we got out together with his friends. In his defence, he does say and promise that he will help and share the load but it is also very important for him to keep in touch and close to his friends.

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by twinklify View Post
    Things change after kids. We do take the kids with us a lot of places (obviously not out late drinking or anything) but we both look after them.

    What were/are your thoughts/expectations?
    I'm not sure what i was expecting Twinklify. I think I knew all this in theory but it hit me "for real" on Sunday. I was a bit surprised to resent the situation and was wondering how to make sure that i don't in the future when it's common situation and our child instead.

  4. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    Unfortunately it's life. I'm in a similar situation where my closest friends have either moved away, the friendship has gradually died or I've cut it off. DH has a group of friends we've both with friends with for 20+ years, but they were his friends first and being the only girl I kind of get forgotten So these would be my thoughts for you:

    1) organise parties/get togethers yourself and invite them. Then make an agreement with your partner that it's 50/50 - one time you deal with the kids, one time he does. When it's your 'do' people tend to not fob their kids off to you and leave you out lol

    2) make an effort to get to know the wives - who from what you have said have been cast to the proverbial side lines as well. Have a girls night once a month where for once, the men care for the kids and you girls go out. Don't ask permission, tell him when it's happening.
    hum, i can relate to that. Even amongst our childless our friends, i was always the only girl to always come. As a bit of a joke, a few of the boys actually say i'm considered as one of the boys and that they wouldn't want another of the girlfriends/wives to be there because they can't be themselves when they are there but they can when it's me. It makes it even harder to suddenly be put on the sidelines in a way when i was so integrated with the guys (having 2 brothers i'm happy enough with guys and their antics!)

    Haha DH organised this event on Sunday... and volunteered me for babysitting... he got told clearly not to do that again. If babysitting is needed, i'd rather be asked and given a real choice!


    I am not really good at the whole making friends business so i'm quite concerned that when i loose our group, i won't be able to make friends outside of it and will end up quite alone in the end. I suppose that's my real fear of being sidelined: i don't have the female/mums friends to turn to and don't necessarily have the skills go find/make some new ones

  5. #15
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    You can always hire a babysitter so you can go also

  6. The Following User Says Thank You to PinkPopsicle For This Useful Post:

    Galdoria  (23-05-2017)

  7. #16
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    You need to do things for yourself. If he can go out with his friends you can do the same. Find hobbies, a part time job or study. Learn a new skill. Do short courses. Take cooking classes, learn an instrument, leaen a second language.
    .
    He can stay home sometimes. You can do things together too. Its all about balance.

  8. #17
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    sitting there babysitting someone else's kids whilst missing out on the fun sounds like a pretty crap day. I would hate that too, and I have 4 kids! I find I dont mind missing out so much if it's because of my own children - I really enjoy spending time with them - BUT we do things that are relatively family-friendly. I wouldnt take my kids paintballing because someone would have to miss out - probably me. I would leave them with a babysitter, or take them with me to an activity that is kid-appropriate. DH and I also both get to go to kid-free activities seperately - so he might go paintballing with his friends one weekend while I look after the kids, then I might go out for lunch with friends the next weekend while he looks after the kids. You dont have to totally lose yourself xx

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    Galdoria  (25-05-2017)

  10. #18
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    Thanks.
    No, it wasn't particularly fun, that's for sure.

    I think one of my issues is the fact that i don't really have much/any friends that are "mine" only and those i do have live far away and do not have children.
    That said, i am slowly getting used to the idea -do i have a choice?!- even though i know it will be hard quite a few times when i can't go and DH will. I suppose once little human grows up a bit, we'll have to find a nice babysitter in our area to give us a chance to go out together to non- family friendly places.

    thank you all for your help. Just talking about it and getting replies helped with the process.

  11. #19
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    Having a new bub will be the perfect opportunity to make friends of your own. Join a mothers group and that will help a lot

  12. The Following User Says Thank You to magicmashie For This Useful Post:

    Galdoria  (25-05-2017)

  13. #20
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    And don't forget @Galdoria....yes your life will change and you will have to say goodbye to certain things, but what you are gaining is so much more amazing and memorable than playing paintball It's an adjustment, but these days staying home and watching Disney movies with my girl trumps days out any time x

  14. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to frankie46 For This Useful Post:

    Galdoria  (25-05-2017),gingermillie  (31-05-2017),smallpotatoes  (25-05-2017)


 

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