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  1. #21
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    Default are there any circumstances

    Op, I just caught up on one of your recent threads. You should most definitely find a different living arrangement for your son, a friend's family or your parents. It is completely unfair to him to continue living in those circumstances. I would make the arrangements for until the foreseeable future and until you have had an extended period of time being home and feeling ok. Not saying you should never see him, but I think it's best for both of you to make alternate arrangements.

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    the question was not whether I should or whether DS should be in my custody or not, it was whether there were circumstances that you would consider it

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    Default are there any circumstances

    Quote Originally Posted by pointless1 View Post
    the question was not whether I should or whether DS should be in my custody or not, it was whether there were circumstances that you would consider it
    Ok...so even with thoughts you posted a couple days ago it's a hypothetical? I find it odd that you would ask that question, specifically about a 13 year old, hypothetically.

    Yes, there are circumstances where I would feel it best for my child to not live with me anymore. If I could not provide food or shelter (physically and financially) or ensure our home environment was safe for him physically and emotionally.

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  6. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by pointless1 View Post
    the question was not whether I should or whether DS should be in my custody or not, it was whether there were circumstances that you would consider it
    Why so cagey? You have a 13 year old. You have continued involvement with DHS. You share enough information about your life for all of bh to know that you self harm repeatedly, have extended periods away from home for treatment, you have suicidal ideations, you don't hsve energy to get out of bed sometimes, you struggle to provide the basics (food, warm shelter - pretty sure you had no power to cook at one stage because a bill wasn't paid), and you worry often about the state of your house before a DHS inspection because you've not been able to function well enough to keep the house at a minimal standard of cleanliness. No 13 yr old should have to live in this kind of environment. You've been a member here for over 12 months, and there's many more months to come by the sounds of it. Stop pretending this is a hypothetical and put your son first. He deserves a better environment to grow up in.

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    Quote Originally Posted by pointless1 View Post
    the question was not whether I should or whether DS should be in my custody or not, it was whether there were circumstances that you would consider it
    in short, yes. the circumstances would have to be dire and i pray it never happens. but if i found myself in crisis and facing a situation where ds was unsafe, subject to witnessing trauma, where i was unable to provide food/shelter/warmth/clothing for him, then yes, i would seriously consider having him go live elsewhere. i'm lucky in that i have a good relationship with my parents and my mil is pretty good too so i would feel i have options. obviously handing over custody of your kid is a drastic last resort but if the circumstances called for it, then yes i would have to (wouldn't want to though).

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    pointless i am extremely concerned after seeing your last post in your journal. please can you reach out to someone.

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    Quote Originally Posted by pointless1 View Post
    the question was not whether I should or whether DS should be in my custody or not, it was whether there were circumstances that you would consider it
    I guess my question is this: how has the situation changed since the last time you posed this question to BH? Has it improved? Is it the same or worse? What would you advise your best friend in this situation?

    I think the answers are all there.

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    Can I ask what happened to the nice family that had a son who was friends with your boy? Are they no longer an option?

    I already answered your OP but yes there is a line in the sand. It would tear me to pieces, but given the info, yes I would place my child with someone else until a time I could provide them with the basics they deserve.

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    A mod has already said to stay on track and only deal with this post, not anything related to it.

    So- OP yes I would definitely be willing to do this if I felt I could not care for my child to the best of my ability (or if my best wasn't good enough). It would be a very difficult thing to consider, but it should be. Giving up a child (however temporarily) is not supposed to be easy.

    Questions I would ask myself:
    - why do I feel I need to do this?
    - is there family he/she can go to?
    - how much contact could I have?
    - do I/they need this to be permanent or is it temporary?
    - who can I speak to about this?

    Then I would contact DHS and tell them this was a consideration and do they know who I can speak to- foster agency or psych or something (I don't know sorry).

    <3

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    Quote Originally Posted by DT75 View Post
    A mod has already said to stay on track and only deal with this post, not anything related to it.

    So- OP yes I would definitely be willing to do this if I felt I could not care for my child to the best of my ability (or if my best wasn't good enough). It would be a very difficult thing to consider, but it should be. Giving up a child (however temporarily) is not supposed to be easy.

    Questions I would ask myself:
    - why do I feel I need to do this?
    - is there family he/she can go to?
    - how much contact could I have?
    - do I/they need this to be permanent or is it temporary?
    - who can I speak to about this?

    Then I would contact DHS and tell them this was a consideration and do they know who I can speak to- foster agency or psych or something (I don't know sorry).

    <3
    Yes, and that mod can come back and address us if she has a problem with our comments.

    In all honesty I find it really odd that a question like this is asked by somebody that is incredibly open about their circumstances and we are just supposed to pretend that it is hypothetical and there are no current issues to address.

    This woman and child need help and it would be pretty irresponsible to pretend otherwise.

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