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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Louise41 View Post
    I don't know this lovely lady IRL but I have followed her story and spoken to her via pm. She is trying her best to get healthy and she certainly doesn't need ppl being skeptical of her. She tries her best to provide stability and shelter and food for her son. You aren't supportive when you say you ignore her posts or a skeptical of her... sorry but that's not being supportive in my eyes. Anyway al I know is pointless is trying her best to be a good mum and do the best for her son and she will always have my support . It's the least I can do for someone who is struggling. A kind word goes a long way
    To be fair, I only said that I largely ignore her posts because you asked me if I could be supportive for once, which is kind of rude really, because I'm supportive lots on bh, so it's an unfair assumption that you made.[edited by mod] from what I've read on here her son needs more than what he is getting, no matter how hard Pointless is trying. I posted because bh seems to mostly be wanting to support Pointless to keep her son, which is lovely and admirable, whereas I'm concerned about the care that the son is getting from what I have read here. If that's unsupportive...well so be it, pointless asked the question, I answered. And no she didn't mention her son specifically in this thread, but she has before and my answer remains the same. Should Pointless still be in contact with her son...absolutely. But I don't believe that she is able to adequately provide basic needs for her son, therefore she should consider an alternate living arrangement.
    Anyway I'm not going to further engage in relations as to the truth as it's against bh rules.
    Last edited by BH-KatiesMum; 18-05-2017 at 20:36.

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  3. #12
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    Yes, if I couldn't provide my child with the basics, materially and emotionally. Being a parent means putting them first.

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  5. #13
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    And can I just say.... and I'm trying to tread carefully here given the subject material and OP.... that glossing over her issues and chastising anyone with honest answers is not in the OP's best interests. having worked with people with severe depression before, I don't think I've ever found one of them more insightful about their own behaviour than the OP. She asked a question, let's treat her like a normal person (albeit gently) not a 'broken object' that everyone toptoes around.

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  7. #14
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    Default are there any circumstances

    I think the last thing pointless and her ds need or want is somebody just telling them what they want to hear. How will that help either of them?

    Full house's statement is completely valid, if it is all true, then I definitely believe her son should be living elsewhere until she is better and she should be exploring all options to make this possible. I feel 'if it is true' actually needs to be said, it gives leeway to acknowledge that if there is any exaggeration to the circumstances at all then our answer that he should live elsewhere would probably change.

    The circumstances op often describes in her posts are upsetting and I find it unbelievable that child protection continues to leave her son to live this way. No matter what he says, he is a child who has no understanding of how this will all ultimately affect him and somebody needs to step up and put him in a stable home.
    Last edited by HollyGolightly81; 18-05-2017 at 23:11.

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    Quote Originally Posted by HollyGolightly81 View Post
    I think the last thing pointless and her ds need or want is somebody just telling them what they want to hear. How will that help either of them?

    Full house's statement is completely valid, if it is all true, then I definitely believe her son should be living elsewhere until she is better and she should be exploring all options to make this possible. I feel 'if it is true' actually needs to be said, it gives leeway to acknowledge that if there is any exaggeration to the circumstances at all then our answer that he should live elsewhere would probably change.

    The circumstances op often describes in her post are upsetting and I find it unbelievable that child protection continues to leave her son to live this way. No matter what he says, he is a child who has no understanding of how this will all ultimately effect him and somebody needs to step up and put him in a stable home.
    Thank you for articulating this in a way I wasn't able to. My brain is fried today. This is so perfectly said.

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  11. #16
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    OP I remember you posted something similar about a year ago.

    I considered this when my son was a baby. I was deeply mentally ill and was sure that he'd be better off with strong positive role models. I still have days where I feel like DS must see me like the Toni Colette character in About A Boy (not sure if you know the film).

    You know your own circumstances best, but to answer your question yes I absolutely would.

    I consider it to be the ultimate decision of selfless love to recognise that your child deserves something you can't provide for whatever reason and to do what you can to help them experience it. (General you here.)

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    Yes, I would, but there's a but...

    the reality of our system is that there may not be a better option for your son's living arrangements. Yes, there are care options out there, but the most likely options here (and absolutely, SA is worse for stability than the rest of the country) are these:

    1. Place him semi-permanently with your parents. As far as I remember this is where he is already? I can't see the department being willing to remove him from willing grandparents unless they fear that your presence there is an immediate risk to him.

    2. Place him in short-term care until a longer-term placement can be found. This risks increased trauma due to being removed from family, feeling forced against his will, no idea as to where he's going or what will be happening.

    3. Residential care. Once a place opens up, which could be months. They also wouldn't bother (here, at least) unless they are pretty certain that he wouldn't be returning to family any time soon. Resi comes with its own set of problems, including exposure to highly problematic behaviours of other kids from backgrounds of trauma.

    4. Foster care. Often very hard to find a foster placement for a teenager. Again, not something that would usually happen unless they're certain that family is not an option. Here, at least, it's very rare for a teenager to find a foster placement.

    That's it really.

    Look, it's absolutely worth discussing with your/his caseworker if you feel that it would be in his best interests. They would have a better idea of what options are in your situation, and the positives and negatives.

    I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with this - it must be so very difficult.

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    [edited by mod]

    going back to the point of the thread and answering the question at hand, i think it's an incredibly tough situation (obviously), nobody wants to have their child live away from them but as pointed out above, parenting is about doing what's best for your child. the fact the the options for pointless' ds are so limited doesn't help the situation. also unhelpful is the fact her own family are less than ideal for him to stay with. it's a really hard call. i did like the boarding school suggestion though. is this at all an option? i know in the immediate short term it's not, but perhaps as a mid term goal to work towards?

    thinking of you both during this difficult time xx
    Last edited by BH-KatiesMum; 18-05-2017 at 21:22.

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    Default are there any circumstances

    I think we've recently learned that people's ideas vary quite greatly on what comments are acceptable to include in a post and what are not...

    Clicked send too soon...

    In a situation where the details are so extreme, I think it's ok for people to be skeptical as long as they aren't unkind.

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  19. #20
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    Hi All


    I have edited some posts in this thread - and I am asking if everyone can please address the OP - posts dealing with other issues are not really appropriate or helping.

    thanks


 

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