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  1. #1
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    Default How would you feel?

    Hi all,

    I posted a little while ago about my ex-DH's new girlfriend kinda stalking me.

    Well here's a twist. I posted on Facebook at 2 friends request some photos of the cross country DS2 had done with 2 friends. I tagged them and as I'm into photography they loved the photos. Later that day I took DS2 to the docs as he had been sick for awhile and needed a 2nd dose of antibiotics. I told ex-DH that he wouldn't be playing sport on the weekend. His response was odd. He said "well the 2 boys he walked over the finish line with were healthy and that's no excuse for why he walked most of it" I thought how did he know? Firstly, he didn't walk, he ran over the finish line, and it was neck and neck with one boy not two. And the it dawned on me. I posted photos of the 3 boys together. So somebody knew the people I had tagged. My friend said there's a couple I wouldn't trust and so I blocked them. It also dawned on me that he hadn't been asking me for any photos of events lately. Apparently coz people were already feeding them to him.

    Next thing, today DS3 had stitches out of his hand. The wound ended up infected so now he is on antibiotics. The docs app was at 10:15, by 11:45 ex-DH is sending me a text saying he knows about the infection. How? There was one mum at school who asked how DS3's hand was and I said unfortunately it's infected. When my friend once again checked her Facebook friends for this mum she realized she's also friends with the new girlfriend. So she's gone straight out the door and told the new girlfriend who was volunteering at the school at the same time I was there administering his antibiotics.

    My friend, who is one of my best friends feels absolutely horrible that she's been a part of me having no privacy. I'm not annoyed at her at all. I'm annoyed at the fact that I can't even fart at one end of the school without new girlfriend finding out about it within 5 minutes and informing ex-DH.

    How would you feel? I just want to disappear. I can't seem to have my own life away from his and her prying eyes. Why do people want to help them?

    Thanks for reading,
    Kitty.

  2. #2
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    I would delete Facebook and just be really careful who I talk to/ share info with. I'm pretty reserved anyway and not into small talk so would be easy for me. Oh and I hate fb!

    If I was you I would feel exposed and a bit creeped out. It's weird that other adults keep talking about you like this. Don't they have anything better to do??

    It almost seems as though he has asked people to report back to him?

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    KittyHawk78  (16-05-2017)

  4. #3
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    I'm so so sorry! Frustrating that privacy is not respected. I went through something similar

    I deleted anyone who knew me and my ex when we were together...other than about 2 trusted family members.

    I then put onto a restricted list anyone who knew ex or his new wife.

    I had a 'friend' who spied on me for my ex for 4 years before I realised. I figured it out once I moved closer to her and ex and suggested meeting for coffee....her reply was to delete and block me. ExH knowing stuff then made so much sense!

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  6. #4
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    That's so weird. I mean why are they spying? Have they no life?! Id sort of understand if there were custody issues and your ex didn't see his kids much but if you all live near each other and he sees his kids then why the spying? Sounds like they don't have a life and / or your ex isn't over you yet. I'd be annoyed and creeped out if I were you. Also as they don't seem to be covering their tracks about the spying would imply that they are a bit thick (?) or want you to know that they are 'watching you'.

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  8. #5
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    I think they're a little thick TBH. I always did love Veronica Mars lol. Nothing much gets by me, my friends say I'm the queen of number plates. I remember everything. I think he has asked people to report to him, or at least spell it out in such a way that they feel the need to 'help' him out. Why else would they waste their own time? Makes no sense to me. I don't give them much either, I let a lot go, and maybe that's given them a false sense of safety when it comes to stalking me. My partner and friends have said multiple times "I don't know how you do it, I would be so angry and blow up at him". Not going to help me. I just do my best to ignore. But some things just don't add up.

  9. #6
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    It's probably because you don't care. It's sounds like you have moved on with your own life and are happy. Do you think your ex still has feelings for you? The new girlfriend must be very insecure to be watching you so closely!
    Do you live in a small town where everyone knows everyone through people etc?

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  11. #7
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    We live in a suburb where her and myself both grew up. So yes we know a lot of people. Well she does, I deliberately don't associate with a lot of people. Just who I am. Considering he cheated on me with her and broke her marriage up, maybe she wonders if she can trust him. Who knows. He's her problem not mine and she definitely has nothin to worry about with me. I'm done I that area. But I did find it odd that after I bought a new white car and bought black slim line plates to go on it that 4 months later he bought a new white care (different make/model) with black slimline plates which are the same first 3 letters. Creeped me out big time. At least I don't have to try hard to remember his number plate! Eeeeek!! I asked my friends how they would feel if their new boyfriend deliberately did that, no one said they'd be impressed that's for sure. She's driven past my house late at night, and I'm kinda out of the way. She's done a u turn to follow me to the supermarket twice.

    I put it partially down to her insecurities and his narcissism. I think they completely underestimate me on a ridiculous level.

    I think for me being who I am that sometimes I wish I didn't notice as much as I do. Sometimes it would be nice to be oblivious to their antics. But my mum always said I'd make an awesome private detective. *sigh*
    Last edited by KittyHawk78; 16-05-2017 at 22:58.

  12. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by KittyHawk78 View Post
    We live in a suburb where her and myself both grew up. So yes we know a lot of people. Well she does, I deliberately don't associate with a lot of people. Just who I am. Considering he cheated on me with her and broke her marriage up, maybe she wonders if she can trust him. Who knows. He's her problem not mine and she definitely has nothin to worry about with me. I'm done I that area. But I did find it odd that after I bought a new white car and bought black slim line plates to go on it that 4 months later he bought a new white care (different make/model) with black slimline plates which are the same first 3 letters. Creeped me out big time. At least I don't have to try hard to remember his number plate! Eeeeek!! I asked my friends how they would feel if their new boyfriend deliberately did that, no one said they'd be impressed that's for sure. She's driven past my house late at night, and I'm kinda out of the way. She's done a u turn to follow me to the supermarket twice.

    I put it partially down to her insecurities and his narcissism. I think they completely underestimate me on a ridiculous level.
    Yep you hit the nail on the head. She is totally insecure. The way she got together with your ex is going to hang over her for as long as she is with him. You can't trust someone that does that. She would be thinking that he is doing the same thing to her. Well that's the kind of relationship you get when it starts out that shady!
    Not sure what you can do to stop the stalking and the general invasion of privacy except for tightening up all social media and telling your ex that the whole thing is making you feel uncomfortable.
    Maybe call them out on it and ask why. If you put them on the spot maybe you will make them feel foolish

  13. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by magicmashie View Post
    Yep you hit the nail on the head. She is totally insecure. The way she got together with your ex is going to hang over her for as long as she is with him. You can't trust someone that does that. She would be thinking that he is doing the same thing to her. Well that's the kind of relationship you get when it starts out that shady!
    Not sure what you can do to stop the stalking and the general invasion of privacy except for tightening up all social media and telling your ex that the whole thing is making you feel uncomfortable.
    Maybe call them out on it and ask why. If you put them on the spot maybe you will make them feel foolish
    I think for me I can't wrap my head around the fact that she would think I would get back with my ex or do stuff with him behind her back unless he's said things like "she wants me back" or "she's still in love with me" because having been in her position- as the wife being cheated on -I'd be worried about anyone else coming into his life. I did that kind of worrying for 15 years before I kicked him out. I think she should stop worrying about my life and worry about how she screwed hers up. He did get angry when I got with my partner. I thought that was really interesting. Saying that "the boys are confused and that I needed to deal with that!" as he's pointing to my partners car. It was amusing. I spoke to my oldest and said "are you confused about me and DP?" He was like "confused? Huh? Should I be confused? What do you mean confused??" I just said don't worry and smiled.

    I have spoken to him about it all about a year ago. I said so that I wasn't directly pointing the finger that "I heard from others that I'm being watched" this was before they eventually admitted being in a relationship. They played their cards well but no one in our suburb is stupid. He fobbed it off and was as nice as pie. Yeah right! That proved more so that he's asked her to watch me than if he'd gotten angry.

    I'm just going to watch who I talk to. I'll stick to my small circle from now on. And smile and nod to everyone else. I think it's sad that I can't wait until the boys are older and my partner and I can move and start our lives without any drama. I think it's also sad that I feel like my home town has been completely ruined for me. I grew up here and I feel like the villain. And I did nothing wrong. It's just really really sad.
    Last edited by KittyHawk78; 17-05-2017 at 07:57.

  14. #10
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    Yep do that. Keep your small circle and be careful of others.

    And just remember that you are the happy one. She is the one that lives in fear of your ex straying. She has to fill her days with other this nonsense to take her attention away from her messed up relationship

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