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  1. #11
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    I think you need to reverse the tables and think what if your husband did this to you ? What if he had the affair and he got someone else pregnant that wasn't you. How would you feel about that child ? How would you feel your husband paying child support to the mother ? How would you explain this to your kids to your family to your friends because another child is not something you can hide. What would your parents and your siblings say about it ? How would your kids fell sharing their dad with a sibling that didn't come from their mums tummy ? How would you feel With the other parent having constant contact with your husband knowing he had an affair and created a child with them.

    Think about all of those things then come to an answer

    If it where me and you wanted to keep the child I would walk away. But that's just me. I've also had a lot of experience with a scenario like this. Not me doing the cheating but my exh who has 2 kids with his exhf who he left me for when I was pregnant. My ds is 9 he has 2 half sisters they are 8 & 7. He will never meet them nor have anything to do with them under a court order/custody/avo

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  3. #12
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    If the shoe was on the other foot and your DH had an affair and a baby was the result, what would you honestly be able to accept? Especially if it was a baby that was going to be a constant in your lives? And potentially that baby's mother?
    Be mindful of expecting any more of your DH than you would accept if it was the other way around.
    Some people can get past cheating in a relationship. I imagine it would be a lot less though who could accept a child and care for that child after an affair.

    There's much more at stake than you and your desire for a baby. Your DH, your children and the possibility that down the track FOB may want some involvement.

    IMO you need to be honest with your DH, knowing that this is no longer in your control. He may decide this is not something he can work through. Unfortunately that's a risk you have to accept.

    I find it interesting that you've already told the FOB and determined he's not interested in the baby before discussing with your DH who you're trying to rebuild your relationship with.

    What if FOB had said "great! I'm the happiest guy in the world. Let's have a baby?"

    A sad situation. There are no winners in this.

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  5. #13
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    I'm sorry you're in such a difficult situation.
    I feel like some of these comments might be suggesting that you have an abortion without telling your husband about the pregnancy. That kind of thinking really concerns me firstly because I can't imagine you wouldn't need his emotional support, and secondly because I would just see that as a further betrayal.
    You can't rewind time and undo what has been done, but you are in complete control of what happens from here on in. If you've made the promise to recommit to your husband, then I would think your complete honesty and openness about the pregnancy is the starting point.
    Good luck with your difficult times.

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  7. #14
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    I couldn't do it, I'd feel constantly guilty to my husband and to
    My other children.

    If he cheated on me and got another women pregnant - it would be a massive deal breaker and would totally shatter my world.

    You have an extremely hard decision on your hands -

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  9. #15
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    I also don't think that having the baby and expecting your DH to accept it as his own is a workable situation at all. The FOB could turn around at any time and decide he wants in, he might seem uninterested now but imagine if your DH did do as you wanted and managed to bond with the baby then FOB decides he actually wants to be a dad after all. Then you're both stuck with him around. Also, if you do go ahead and DH sticks around, you're always going to be questioning his feelings and level of affection for this child. Sometimes you'd do it in your head, sometimes you might overtly question his true commitment to the child. Both are going to create future angst, pain for both of you and further arguments. Then, as pointed out by a pp, there is the issue of what and how to tell your two children. Last names, birth certificate details, medical history's and telling extended family are all other things to consider.
    You need to tell your DH that you are pregnant, then should probably try and work out your reasons for wanting to keep this baby and go from there.

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    Thank you everybody for all your replies.

    I told DH tonight, and he took it quite well. We both need time to think about this. I voiced my concern about my emotional health if I were to go ahead with a termination. I told him he could just leave me or ask me to go, but he said that's not what he wants. If we were to keep it, we would not tell anybody that it wasn't his. Our children wouldn't know it wasn't a full sibling.

    I haven't told FOB yet, but do already know he wouldn't want anything to do with it.

    If the shoe was on the other foot and it was him having a baby with somebody else I think it would just be something I would have to accept.

    I guess time will tell what happens. It really is a mess, I just don't think I would cope well with a termination.

  12. #17
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    Wow you have one supportive husband. First he forgives an affair and now takes the news of a pregnancy "quite well" and must be considering fathering it if you have talked about keep it etc. he must love you very much to want to stay.
    Just a question, you said you were unhappy in your marriage that's why you cheated. Have those issues been resolved now and can you see the marriage working long term?

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  14. #18
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    You said you had been unhappy for a long time which i assume is what led to the cheating. What's changed in your relationship for you to want to repair it?
    Best of luck with what you choose to do.

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  16. #19
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    No offence OP but I've found your response to the situation bizarre. First post to BH and it's a really awkward situation that "he took well" and if the reverse happened "you would accept it"?!

    You've gone from an unhappy marriage, to having an affair to now being pregnant with the other guys child and your husband is ok with it? No screaming? Crying? From either of you?

    Sorry but I just find this all too bizarre.

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  18. #20
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    Oh just to add, if you do choose to proceed with the pregnancy, i think you need to be honest to the new child and his/her siblings. The truth often comes out.

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