Just need to get it out there.

[CdnMum]

Hi,

I'm not looking for judgement so please if you have something nasty to say, don't say it.

After being unhappy for a long time, I cheated on my husband, he now knows about it and we are working to fix our relationship. Problem is, I've recently found out I'm pregnant, and it's not DH's. I haven't told him yet, but I want to.

We had a hypothetical conversation about what would've happened if I got pregnant and he said it's a hard question to answer, but he probably would've made me choose him or the baby. I'm not ready to make that decision. In my heart I want this baby, but how do I ask my DH to accept it as his own?

The other guy is not somebody i'd consider being with, and isn't interested in the baby.

I just needed to get this out as I'm struggling alone with this currently.

[sparklebug]

I think there is not point in driving yourself crazy with 'what ifs' the only way you'll know how you partner is going to take it is by talking to him, so decide what you want, and talk about it.
Good luck!

[Mel023]

Firstly big hugs to you. What a situation to be in.
Their is obviously real love if your husband was able to get over the cheating.
If it was me I'd be honest, but in stages.. tell him of the pregnancy then the obvious nxt convo would be dates of conception & due date..
I think these things always have a way of coming out in the long run, save yourself (& ur hubby) all the stress and the 'cover up' lie trauma and put all cards on the table..

[Juventina]

I am sorry you're going through this and well done for your honesty.

This is a tough one. He has accepted your indiscretion however being pregnant to another man is another case entirely and one that really needs you to go and see a professional to see all angles.

Without being too harsh, you have cheated and are both working to rebuild. How can you expect him to forgive and move forward something like this? I know I couldn't. It's bad enough facing you every day knowing the pain you've caused him by having an affair yet alone him raising and facing a child born out of your error.

I think unfortunately if you want this child be prepared for him to walk away (unless love is blind and he honestly can't live without you). He will not accept this as his own. You are lucky he is even accepting you at the moment!

You are not doing yourself any favours by continuing to bring problems into your lives and relationship.

You haven't mentioned if you have children already, but is this is your first then I can't see him staying and you can't expect it either. You have made not one but two very big mistakes. How could you face both your families with someone else's child? Your lives would forever be remembered by your mistake.
Not to mention the legal ramifications of it.

I wish you well and hope you seek professional help on this.

[Hetty]

It's not asking that's the issue - it's obviously his choice. Most men couldn't do it. You're just going to have to tell him and put forward what you want, the rest is up to him. Do you have any other children with him?

[CdnMum]

We have 2 other children, aged 7 and 4

[pollydolly]

Big hugs to you x

I really feel for you and it is going to be very difficult no matter what happens.

But ask yourself, would you have this baby if your husband walked away ?

He might be willing to work on your marriage now... but just knowing you got pregnant to someone else might make it too difficult for him to stay even if you didn't keep the baby.
I think it would be incredibly difficult for him to want to take that baby on as his own. Let's say he did, and you had the child .. what if you guys had an argument over something (anything, but he was angry or sad) would he bring up you cheating and the child be in the middle of this most of its life ? Would he be able to love that child like it would deserve??

I'm not saying yes or no.. I don't know him... only you do... I'm just putting out my thoughts.

I really wish you the best and I hope for a good outcome for all involved. Please let us know how you go.

[theworkingmum]

Why do you really want the baby? Do you want more children? Would your husband have another child with you? I guess you need to weigh up whether the baby or your DH (and current family unit) are more important. I personally could not continue with a pregnancy that resulted from an affair and would not expect my husband to accept a child that wasn't his under those circumstances.

[Little Miss Sunshine]

Why do you really want the baby? Do you want more children? Would your husband have another child with you? I guess you need to weigh up whether the baby or your DH (and current family unit) are more important. I personally could not continue with a pregnancy that resulted from an affair and would not expect my husband to accept a child that wasn't his under those circumstances.

This.
What a ****ing mess.
Not to mention the impact on the other kids when they start asking why their younger sibling has another daddy. Unless you lie. Which is awful in itself.
Look, I'm not judging you for having an affair, but I fail to see ANY positives for the family unit by having a baby with someone you had an affair with yet you want to keep your family together?

[Mokeybear]

Hugs OP what a terrible situation to be in.
I think you need to face the fact that if you go ahead with this pregnancy you most probably will loose your husband, so you need to weight up that against your feelings with keeping and raising this baby, you might be might be prepared to loose him, you might not, only you know that.
I was trying to imagine if my partner impregnated another woman and somehow I needed to raise that child how very hard that would be, it's just a really hard thing to imagine to be doing. Plenty have but it must be pretty tough going.
You need an open and frank conversation with him about the pregnancy and go from there.
Best of luck, you really do have my sympathy as this is a tough position to be in and the ramifications and fallout could be pretty terrible. Hugs!