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  1. #1
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    Default Unexpected Pregnancy at 42

    I have just found out that I am 6 weeks pregnant, this was not planned. I am 42 years old - I don't have any other children. I am married and our relationship is very strong - we have only been together for 3.5 years in total and because of this and age had never really discussed having children as felt that this time had passed for us and neither of us feel that our lives will not be complete without a child. I understand that I am very lucky to have been able to fall pregnant at 42. As this was not planned though we are both feeling totally overwhelmed and unsure what to do. I have seen many of my friends have children because they have got married and it seems to be the next natural thing to do and I do not feel that this is reason enough to bring children into the world. I am unsure at this stage how to make a decision on what to do. I do not want to have a child just because we are pregnant, I am still in shock and unsure on how to mentally deal with all the emotions to make the right decision. Any advice much appreciated

  2. #2
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    I have 2 children from a previous relationship and recently had number 3 with my current partner of 6years who never wanted kids (we are both 38 and he was happy with the 2 kids that I came with). I had some reservations and so did he but the best thing we did was sit down and talk it all out, no matter how 'wrong' a question felt we both asked them of each other and answered them honestly. We were then able to make a decision together that we were both comfortable with because we had all the information, so to speak.

    As I said, he never wanted kids of his own but if you asked him the same question today he'd tell you he should have had kids years ago.

    Give yourself the freedom to talk it out and don't feel guilty for your decision either way. Do what is best for you and your husband.

  3. #3
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    It's really new, you've only just found out. Talk about it, but also give yourself time to think about it so you can come to terms with how you feel.

  4. #4
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    Agree take some time to get used to the idea. Picture yourself with and without a child. Ive had a friend in the exact same position as you and the question I put to her was what if it is your only chance to have a child... although unlike you she was terrified her bf would leave her and she would be a single mum.. they had only just gotten things back on track in their relationship and he wasn't keen on a baby.. he actually is a father already but he didn't have anything to do with that child who would now be almost an adult. Anyway she decided not to have it (this was a few years ago now) and I always notice certain things she says every now and then which makes me think she regrets it. Especially now that a few of us in our circle of friends have had children since and she is around them a lot.

  5. #5
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    You are lucky to be blessed at 42, i can imagine that how a shock it is. Good Luck!!

  6. #6
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    Thank you all, I really appreciate it and definitely feel the weight of the decision as of course this would be my last change to become a parent. We are definitely still in shock and because we never really thought we would have children it makes me think that it's not the right thing to do because I should be excited if it's what I want. I am seeing a physiologist tomorrow and whilst I know they can't make the decision for me I am hoping it will give me some clarity on how to come to a decision. Thank you for the support though - I don't want to talk to friends and family so this has really helped.

  7. #7
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    I hope your appointment goes well for you tomorrow and helps you gather your thoughts somewhat.

    Don't feel that you must be excited. I don't think I was excited at first about any of mine. I was not planning on keeping my first DD until the day I was booked in then I changed my mind. I had recently split from my partner when I found out about DD2 and was so so worried about doing it alone with 2 that I got back with the ex and I don't think excitement actually hit until she was born. The last one I was so worried my partner wouldn't be on board at all that I was worried sick about telling him for two weeks (he was excited thank goodness). My point is, even if you have considered having children, it's ok that excitement isn't your first reaction emotionally.

    Again, good luck with your decision either way. I've been on both sides of the outcome and as long as you are making either choice for reasons you feel right about, you will be ok.

  8. #8
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    When I found out I was pregnant with my son it took quite a while for me to feel excited. It's a huge responsibility that will change almost every aspect of your life, I think the first natural response would be fear and shock. I was nervous and scared that I wouldn't be able to handle it. Now, of course, I love him and have absolutely no regrets, but at first, it was terror

    No one can tell you if you should have this baby or not, but hopefully the psych and talking to your husband can help. You still have some time to talk it out, so you don't have to make a decision today. Maybe let it sit for a few weeks and see how you feel?

    Good luck with whatever you decide

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    Did you decide?

  10. #10
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    Hey
    My Sister had her last child at 42 with a 5 year gap between. She says it's her favourite time for pregnancy, birth etc. She says because she is so settled into life having a baby at this point was much easier. Her eldest is 17. I know it would be different having your first now with nothing to compare it to but I hope that idea o being more settled helps a little.
    A friend of mine is 44 and she just had a baby, totally unplanned. She already has 4 though and her youngest s 10. She also says there is something different about this time around. She feels calmer.
    Im going to do the typical response of and say it will only be when you have your baby that you will feel that you have been missing something. There are so many other factors at play here (that we aren't aware of) but I would say jump into this experience Although it is true that it is not for everyone and just because you're a woman and married doesn't mean you have to want kids but if you decide together to do this and understand that there will be hard times that you will need to support each other through than it will only bring you closer together and give you a bond like no other. For me the idea of a little part of me and a little part of my husband being manifested in something that I grown and give life to is the most wonderful thing.


 

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