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  1. #21
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    Hi,
    My son struggled when he first started school until around year 3. He was diagnosed as gifted at aged 4 and used to often say things like I wish I wasn't alive etc... which I know is heartbreaking to hear so big hugs.

    gifted children feel intense overwhelming emotions. It would be great to get some systems or routines in place to help deal with those emotions. My sons psychologist was amazing and really helped to implement many techniques so he could self regulate emotions (with copious amounts of support from us of course).

    I would stay in close contact with the teacher and provide lots of cuddles. It may be helpful to validate the feelings such as... 'its ok to feel like we can't do something good enough sometimes, I feel like that sometimes to'. Give an example of when you have felt that way and how you overcame it/realised that you were great at something else. Or ... 'it's ok to feel angry I feel angry sometimes too. When I feel angry I like to draw or run around outside what do you think you could when you feel angry?'
    This may help them to recognise their own emotions and some simple coping mechanisms... plus to know that we all feel that way sometimes.

    This parenting is a tough gig sometimes but know your doing an amazing job 😊😊

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  3. #22
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    Default "School is damaging"

    Quote Originally Posted by HollyGolightly81 View Post
    Thanks for the enlightening response. You're the one who believes that and I simply asked you how you believed it was damaging. Sorry, I thought you would be willing and able to explain such a broad and controversial comment as to why you feel a blanket statement that school is damaging to children true. Obviously I was wrong.
    I agree that if someone wants to make a claim, such as "school is damaging to kids, the onus is on them to, at the very least, explain what they mean and their reasoning.

    Given that I believe school is often damaging, I may be in a position to clarify for you (although I might not explain it how Unschooling4 would).

    Reasons school can damage some kids:

    They may be stuck with people who have a negative impact on them.

    They are forced to do academics before some of them are developmentally ready (individual development is more important than age).

    Reduced free time; reduced time to play.

    Some skills are valued over others.

    Some children need to be more physically active than schools allow.

    Not interest based (we learn what we are interested in).

    Depth of study reduced (being engaged in a task but need to stop when the class is over).

    Some children struggle with the sensory experiences (particularly sound).

    Signs of Dyslexia being ignored (A home educating parent I know believed her son was dyslexic but the teachers disagreed. Eventually she got him diagnosed and can support him appropriately).

    Bullying.

    Homework during primary school has no academic value, yet is still given (restricts freedom, strains family relations, no time to discover passions).


    These are just some reasons of the top of my head. Feel free to ask for more info.

    I suspect the girl in question MAY be on the spectrum. Diagnosis is tricky in girls as they naturally are more social than autistic boys.

    I suspected autism in my son for a few years, while being told by medical professionals that he wasn't autistic. Eventually we got the diagnosis.

  4. #23
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    I am a "recovering perfectionist" . I work hard every day at not letting my perfectionism control me. I also see the impact of perfectionism on kids I teach and it's a tough one to teach them to say to themself "I've done a decent job, it'll do". IMO it's definitely tied in with anxiety, so a psych could help.

    Don't underestimate a grad teacher either. Typically they have so much energy and passion, and will move mountains to help every child in their care.

    Quote Originally Posted by sparklebug View Post
    My DD is now wonderful at making friends, although it's taken a long time to get here, we used to "practice" how to talk to "friends", and she would get "homework" for kinder like she would have to approach "friend x" and say hi then suggest something they could do together, the night before we would go through the different scenarios and how to react to them. As well as a lot of positive reinforcement.
    It was time consuming and draining, but it's now very much a distant memory.
    It's a terrible place to be in as a parent as well, you feel so helpless but once you have a plan/strategy in place you'll see there is a light at the end of the tunnel!
    I love this advice! It's so easy to assume kids just "know" things that seem second nature to us. Or to think you cannot explicitly teach things that are perceived as personality traits (being social, confident, caring, etc). Definitely needs lots of work but can absolutely be done!

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  6. #24
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    Default WWYD? Trouble settling into big school

    Quote Originally Posted by Winter Is Coming View Post
    I agree that if someone wants to make a claim, such as "school is damaging to kids, the onus is on them to, at the very least, explain what they mean and their reasoning.

    Given that I believe school is often damaging, I may be in a position to clarify for you (although I might not explain it how Unschooling4 would).

    Reasons school can damage some kids:

    They may be stuck with people who have a negative impact on them.

    They are forced to do academics before some of them are developmentally ready (individual development is more important than age).

    Reduced free time; reduced time to play.

    Some skills are valued over others.

    Some children need to be more physically active than schools allow.

    Not interest based (we learn what we are interested in).

    Depth of study reduced (being engaged in a task but need to stop when the class is over).

    Some children struggle with the sensory experiences (particularly sound).

    Signs of Dyslexia being ignored (A home educating parent I know believed her son was dyslexic but the teachers disagreed. Eventually she got him diagnosed and can support him appropriately).

    Bullying.

    Homework during primary school has no academic value, yet is still given (restricts freedom, strains family relations, no time to discover passions).


    These are just some reasons of the top of my head. Feel free to ask for more info.

    I suspect the girl in question MAY be on the spectrum. Diagnosis is tricky in girls as they naturally are more social than autistic boys.

    I suspected autism in my son for a few years, while being told by medical professionals that he wasn't autistic. Eventually we got the diagnosis.
    Thanks for your response, I don't doubt that some children are better suited to a homeschool environment, or that the system is far from perfect and definitely needs to be fixed in regards to some policies currently in place, more money, etc. This would also vary school by school, so I definitely do not believe that school in general is damaging to children. OP's daughter is only 5 and Australian schools have only been back for a couple of months so I think it's a huge knee jerk reaction to say she should be pulled out rather than delving deeper into what could be wrong and ways to help her through them, that it's the school's 'fault.'

    As far as PP, her short statements and rudeness are becoming a bit of a trend so I am starting to think she just does it more for shock value and a reaction rather than she actually has anything to say.
    Last edited by HollyGolightly81; 06-05-2017 at 16:21.

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  8. #25
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    Default removal from school.

    Quote Originally Posted by TheGooch View Post
    Unnecessarily rude. I've not seen one teacher on this forum ever post that they know everything. In fact, most of the teachers that post make suggestions based on years of experience. But they're just that, suggestions. I've also seen plenty of teachers on here posting for advice because they know they don't know everything.
    Just because you choose to unschool doesn't make it a valid option for everyone.
    And IMO a - school is damaging. She's struggling. Get her out of there - approach, doesn't assist the Op to help her daughter work through whatever the issue is. It's reactionary at best.


    On topic, Op I think a psychologist to help find out what's going on for your daughter is a good first step. There may be any number of things going on for her. It may be a phase. It may be something more serious.
    Also perhaps a meeting with the teacher one on one with you to talk about what your daughter is expressing might also help.
    Good luck and best wishes for your daughter that she finds a level of balance and comfort, in whatever educational approach you choose to take.

    I agree with everything you have written. I do have a different perspective to offer on removing a child from school due to suicidal ideation.

    Yes, it is reactionary. But maybe that's OK.
    If I burnt my hand on a hot plate, I would remove my hand. The trauma would stop and healing would begin. It's a great reaction to have.

    If school is causing trauma (especially life threatening), then I would argue that removal from school is a great reaction to have.

    What is the worst that could happen to the child if protected from an environment that is harmful to her (even though it may be a great environment for her classmates)?

    Six months off to find ways to identify and work through her issues may be just what the child needs.

    Removal from school does not have to be permanent. Successful suicide is permanent.

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  10. #26
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    Default knee jerk reaction

    Yes, it is a knee jerk reaction.

    I have come across parents in home schooling groups that say they resorted to home educating after their child attempted suicide for the third time.

    I have also come across parents who had children coming home angry after school despite being perfectly behaved in school all day. Some put up with it for years.

    They all say they wished they had removed their child from school sooner. They had not known it was an option or they just had other priorities. They feel like they finally got their child back.

    Sometimes a knee jerk reaction is helpful.

  11. #27
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    Thanks everyone for the responses and what a great exchange of ideas on homeschooling (sort of!).

    FWIW, I have considered homeschooling. I believe my little girl would probably do better academically that way. However, I'm a fairly strong introvert, and I don't think I'm well enough equipped to give my kids the right social opportunities. From those of you who like the homeschooling approach, I'm interested to hear your thoughts on that? What are the homsechooling groups that you've talked about? I thought homeschooling was at home with just the parent and kids?

    So homeschooling is not completely off the table for us but I'd like to try to get things working at school first. I do think the teachers are good and will do their very best to help. As BigRedV said, there could be an underlying issue (anxiety probably) that still needs to be dealt with and DD's teacher could bring some helpful insight and support.

    The advice on explicitly helping DD to make friends is something I think is really useful and I'm actually not very good at this myself. I see all the mothers talking to each other at pickup and dropoff and I have no idea how to break into those conversations or form relationships with them. Yet I'm painfully aware that playdates between the kids hinge on the relationships between the mothers....feels so complicated and yet everyone else seems to do it so easily! How do you all do that? Maybe the psych can help with friend-making strategies....

    Jarylee, you're right about "overwhelming emotions" for DD and I think I'll ask the psychologist specifically for some ideas about how to help her self-regulate. Did your DS get better after year 3? It seems like a long time to wait.

    So much to think about....

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  13. #28
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    Default Lost reply.

    Quote Originally Posted by HollyGolightly81 View Post
    Thanks for your response, I don't doubt that some children are better suited to a homeschool environment, or that the system is far from perfect and definitely needs to be fixed in regards to some policies currently in place, more money, etc. This would also vary school by school, so I definitely do not believe that school in general is damaging to children. OP's daughter is only 5 and Australian schools have only been back for a couple of months so I think it's a huge knee jerk reaction to say she should be pulled out rather than delving deeper into what could be wrong and ways to help her through them, that it's the school's 'fault.'

    As far as PP, her short statements and rudeness are becoming a bit of a trend so I am starting to think she just does it more for shock value and a reaction rather than she actually has anything to say.
    I think I somehow put my response, entitled "knee jerk reaction" in the wrong spot.

    I think we just need to find what is right for our own family. For some families, it is school, for others it is part time school, distance education, Steiner school, democratic school, or one of the many forms of home education.

    Yesterday I was discussing the negatives of home education with other home educators. The consensus was that we have to pick the best option for our own family.

    If I could wave a wand and magically change education policies, I would make pretty major changes. I know it still wouldn't be perfect for all kids but on average, I think it would be better.

  14. #29
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    I love how teachers are being told off in this thread for "knowing everything" yet homeschoolers (one of which clearly joined just to chip in to this thread lol) who have zero training. Zero knowledge of this family bar the info we all have. Have made the decision that the problem is the school, and the child is on the Spectrum. Yes, there are some kids who aren't suited to main******. But can we stop the histrionics please? 99.9% of the time kids do just fine. There are heaps of issues with homeschooling too. Just like everything in life, it's impossible to have a perfect set up for every single person. But it education, medical, etc.

    OP - she sounds like my DD who is gifted and has anxiety. She also must be the best, do everything perfect and while she has friends, she often fakes being 'normal' to fit in. My advice hun is to look at her maybe being assessed by the special ed staff at your school to look at what can be done for her. Talk to her teacher about anxiety, perfectionism and whether she could benefit from extension work.

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  16. #30
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    Hey Op with regards to the play date thing, ask your DD if there is anyone special she would like to come over or go to the park with after school. You can then write a little note with your phone number and your DD can give to her friend to take home. Sorry if this is obvious, but I would be clear in your note that the invitation is for the mum too. Something like x and x can play and we can have a coffee sort it thing. I have found once you meet one or two mums it makes meeting others at school at lot easier. Good luck

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