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  1. #1
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    Default WWYD? Trouble settling into big school

    My little DD (aged 5) started school last term and I'm getting worried about her.

    Lately she's saying that she's a bad kid and can't do anything right. Yesterday she said she doesn't want to be alive. Her behaviour is terrible at home after school (I think she's really tired), but the teacher has told me her behaviour is fantastic at school. The old teacher thought she may be gifted, but she really needs to be pushed to do her work. She is a bit of a perfectionist and won't attempt anything if she doesn't think she can do it perfectly. I feel so sad for her that she thinks we expect her to do things perfectly or she isn't good enough. She hasn't made any real friends yet and just seems to sit on her own at recess and lunch.
    Her teacher left at the end of last term, and her new teacher is lovely, but is a fresh grad with no experience.

    What would you do? I've booked her into a psychologist and have spoken to the teacher, although I'm not sure he knows what to do.

    Any teachers out there who have any ideas? Or parents with opinions or similar experiences?

    TIA for your thoughts!

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  3. #2
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    Apart from.the social aspect, she sounds very similar to my DD. She's in her second term of kindy and even though I think she can do things, she wont have a go because she doesnt want to get things wrong. She also says stuff like that.

    I think the psychologist is a good idea. I'm seeing one for myself and we talk about DD often.

    At home I've started trying to just lift expectations on her and make it a bit easier eg she chooses the reader that she knows to build confidence and then we choose one a bit harder.

    I've spoken to her and her teacher and we just keep encouraging her to try at things. My DD is also a bit immature which impacts things

  4. #3
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    A psychologist is an excellent idea and will help you a lot! The poor little thing. She sounds so very intelligent, almost too intelligent for her emotions to keep up. My DD is very similar and a psychologist helped us a lot

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    yep I would give that a go. Certainly it doesnt sound like she is enjoying school much - and its so important for them to have good experiences early at school

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    Schools are damaging to kids. She is saying she doesn't want to live and her behavior has changed. This sends red flags to me. Pull her out. Homeschool or send her to a democratic style school if you can. The system here is flawed in so many ways. I wish i knew this years ago.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Unschooling4 View Post
    Schools are damaging to kids. She is saying she doesn't want to live and her behavior has changed. This sends red flags to me. Pull her out. Homeschool or send her to a democratic style school if you can. The system here is flawed in so many ways. I wish i knew this years ago.
    I really don't think this is helpful or even a option for most people.

    OP that is very worrying behaviour from your daughter. I'm a teacher and I know of children who are perfect angels all day at school then act out at home because they spend all day holding themselves together. This might be the case with your DD?

    I'd be arranging to see the school counsellor to discuss the issues she's been having. Could you arrange some play dates with other children in her class? Even catching up at a park and giving your DD a chance to make friends.

    For what it's worth it does take some children longer to settle in. Have a chat with her teacher and ask him to keep a close eye on her.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Chippa View Post
    I really don't think this is helpful or even a option for most people.
    .
    Oh because you are a teacher so you must know everything, right? Its funny how many teachers are choosing to homeschool their own children because they see for themselves how much damage schools can do. Home education is on the rise here too.

    Yes the op's daughter needs help but school is not doing that. Read my words the system is flawed. Do your research.

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    Actually I think homeschooling is a very real option even if it's through Distance Education. The things the OP has mentioned can have very real life long impact and I think the suggestion is helpful. Those who dismiss homeschooling usually don't know what it's REALLY about, only the stereotypes.

    I homeschool my kids (mum of 5). They are thriving academically, mentally and socially. It's actually very surprising how many Teachers I have meet over the last 6 months who are homeschooling their own kids as they realise the system is very broken.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Unschooling4 View Post
    Oh because you are a teacher so you must know everything, right? Its funny how many teachers are choosing to homeschool their own children because they see for themselves how much damage schools can do. Home education is on the rise here too.

    Yes the op's daughter needs help but school is not doing that. Read my words the system is flawed. Do your research.
    Which part of my post did I profess that I know everything? I must know the wrong teachers because I don't know any teachers who choose to homeschool. I simply said that homeschooling is not an option for most people which is true. The school has only recently been alerted to the issues so it's a bit of a stretch to say the school is doing nothing. Yes the system is flawed but us teachers who have to work in these horrible schools do our absolute best not to damage children.

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    OP I totally understand how worried you are, I went through something similar last year with my DS. You are totally doing the right thing seeking professional help and letting the school know what's going on.

    We saw two psychologists, the first one we didn't click with but the second was fantastic, so make sure whoever you see gels with both you DD otherwise it won't work.

    I remember thinking most of the way through kindy that things were never going to get better and it was absolutely breaking my heart. But I think with help from the psychologist, strategies put in place after discussion with the school and most importantly time things did improve.

    His teacher this year has really drilled into him that it's alright to make mistakes, mistakes are how you learn etc etc which is helping even more to bring him out of his shell.

    I hope you get the support you need from the school and see some changes soon.

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