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  1. #41
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    Default Been told girl at 20 week scan wanting a boy

    When i first started trying for a baby both myself and DH were dead set on a boy first. We even did the whole timing thing for a boy.

    I went through some mc's and when i started questioning if i will ever have kids, i just wanted a healthy baby. I no longer cared.

    I am now 12 weeks cautiously pregnant with a girl. Still waiting for cvs results. But i am overjoyed shes a girl and when i told DH he said "a daughter is worth 5 sons"
    Dont get me wrong, we would love 1 of each and there is nothing wrong with a boy. I still hope to get my boy one day.

    But i think each gender comes with its own set of perks. There is nothing you can do with a boy that you cant with a girl. She could end up being your best friend. Im close to both of my parents but I talk to mum daily. She is my best friend!

    If all else fails to make you feel better know no matter how much disappointment you feel right now when you meet her, youll love her more then anything.

    I think its really unfair to judge the OPs feelings. She is entitled to feel whatever she feels. I dont think her gender disappointment has anything to do with how thankful she is! I would probably be in her shoes had I gotten pregnant the first time.. but my perspective has changed and I am lucky for that.. i know its easy to judge if your journey has been different and if all youve longed for is a baby.. i remember my envious glances towards anyone with a baby boy or girl at my darkest times wondering if i will ever be a mother but it doesnt make her feelings invalid.
    Last edited by Simil; 03-05-2017 at 18:24.

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  3. #42
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    Default Been told girl at 20 week scan wanting a boy

    I cried when I found out my newest bub was a girl because I was sure my partner wanted a boy. How wrong I was, he was so onboard from the moment I told him and is absolutely smitten and loves that he has a little daddy's girl!! I already had 2 girls from a previous relationship and didn't realise how much I would have liked a boy until I was told it wasn't a boy. It took some serious self talk to convince myself I was ok with another girl but I wasn't 100% convinced until my first cuddle with her. I fell so head over heels in love with her that all thoughts of having a boy escaped my mind.

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  5. #43
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    Default Hi

    The sonographers are normally right. Be happy that you have a child their are ppl out there that can't even have kids. I had 4 beautiful children and I'm blessed to have them.

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  7. #44
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    Mm I feel like telling ppl with gender disappointment to get over it is like telling infertile women to get over and be grateful they still have all their limbs because there are people in this world who dont. Honestly there's always a reason to be grateful regardless of how sh***y your situation is. It's not that helpful and really just adds to the grief and guilt. No one ever chooses to be disappointed and ungrateful.

    For what it's worth I am one who struggled with having even one and have paid thousands to get there and I still have a gender preference. For this reason I choose not to find out the sex before birth so I don't have to deal with it until it's too late

    OP hoping for an uneventful pregnancy for you and all the best;

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  9. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lovelymumma View Post
    The sonographers are normally right. Be happy that you have a child their are ppl out there that can't even have kids. I had 4 beautiful children and I'm blessed to have them.
    Glad you seem to have taken others' stories on board

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  11. #46
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    Quote Originally Posted by Silkentofu View Post
    Mm I feel like telling ppl with gender disappointment to get over it is like telling infertile women to get over and be grateful they still have all their limbs because there are people in this world who dont.
    I can see where you are coming from with this but I don't feel like these two things are similar at all as having limbs really has nothing to do with infertility. Having gender disappointment does relate to having a child.

    I think it is a much more sensitive topic but can be likened to someone complaining about their job and being told to be grateful that they have a job as there are many people who are unemployed and struggling to find work or it could be like someone complaining about the cost of their council rates and being told to be grateful that they own a home as there are many people struggling to buy into the market and even worse many people are homeless.

    Personally, I would not complain about my job or council rates in a room of people where I know that many of the people that will hear my complaint are unemployed or homeless. I would not want to upset these people or come across as ungrateful or insensitive.

    Similarly though, if I was unemployed or homeless and I did hear someone complain about these things I probably wouldn't tell them to be grateful for what they have as I wouldn't want to discredit or diminish their experience.

    I am sorry that the OP is experiencing disappointment at a time that I imagine she was hoping would be quite exciting. I can also understand why this topic may hit a nerve for some people and in particular those such as myself who are struggling to have a child and my heart goes out to those experiencing these feelings as well.

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  13. #47
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    Default Been told girl at 20 week scan wanting a boy

    Quote Originally Posted by ShannyAnny View Post
    I can see where you are coming from with this but I don't feel like these two things are similar at all as having limbs really has nothing to do with infertility. Having gender disappointment does relate to having a child.

    I think it is a much more sensitive topic but can be likened to someone complaining about their job and being told to be grateful that they have a job as there are many people who are unemployed and struggling to find work or it could be like someone complaining about the cost of their council rates and being told to be grateful that they own a home as there are many people struggling to buy into the market and even worse many people are homeless.

    Personally, I would not complain about my job or council rates in a room of people where I know that many of the people that will hear my complaint are unemployed or homeless. I would not want to upset these people or come across as ungrateful or insensitive.

    Similarly though, if I was unemployed or homeless and I did hear someone complain about these things I probably wouldn't tell them to be grateful for what they have as I wouldn't want to discredit or diminish their experience.

    I am sorry that the OP is experiencing disappointment at a time that I imagine she was hoping would be quite exciting. I can also understand why this topic may hit a nerve for some people and in particular those such as myself who are struggling to have a child and my heart goes out to those experiencing these feelings as well.
    I believe the people who have commented she should be grateful have multiple children....

    If you read back you will read responses from a few of us who have had trouble having a baby and have experienced gender disappointment or are empathetic of it. This is a parenting forum, meant for advice and support regarding ALL issues we face with pregnancy and parenthood. She didn't post this in the IVF section so your point is a bit moot. She has also come back and clarified, so maybe let's all get off our high horses.

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  15. #48
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    My first point was that the analogy used by the pp wasn't entirely appropriate in my opinion even though I could see where she was coming from. My second point was that this is a sensitive topic which would benefit from sensitivity and compassion from all sides of the discussion. I didn't really think i was sitting on a high horse and don't wish to argue with you @HollyGolightly81

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  17. #49
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    Default Been told girl at 20 week scan wanting a boy

    Quote Originally Posted by ShannyAnny View Post
    My first point was that the analogy used by the pp wasn't entirely appropriate in my opinion even though I could see where she was coming from. My second point was that this is a sensitive topic which would benefit from sensitivity and compassion from all sides of the discussion. I didn't really think i was sitting on a high horse and don't wish to argue with you @HollyGolightly81
    Is an argument over an analogy really necessary though? The points are the same regardless, with the attitude being that you shouldn't complain about gender disappointment on this forum because there are others struggling to have a baby. Where do we draw the line then? You shouldn't discuss termination because there are those of us who have lost our babies? You shouldn't discuss your post natal depression and how hard you are finding being a mom or how much you hate sleepless nights because there are others battling infertility? It's a forum where people are allowed, and meant to, seek advice and support. There was nothing awful about the op's question or subsequent responses. The only insensitivity has been from people telling her to be grateful. This whole journey is hard enough without people popping up telling you to never express or have a feeling because it makes you ungrateful.
    Last edited by HollyGolightly81; 31-05-2017 at 20:01.

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  19. #50
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    Quote Originally Posted by ShannyAnny View Post
    I can see where you are coming from with this but I don't feel like these two things are similar at all as having limbs really has nothing to do with infertility. Having gender disappointment does relate to having a child.

    I think it is a much more sensitive topic but can be likened to someone complaining about their job and being told to be grateful that they have a job as there are many people who are unemployed and struggling to find work or it could be like someone complaining about the cost of their council rates and being told to be grateful that they own a home as there are many people struggling to buy into the market and even worse many people are homeless.

    Personally, I would not complain about my job or council rates in a room of people where I know that many of the people that will hear my complaint are unemployed or homeless. I would not want to upset these people or come across as ungrateful or insensitive.

    Similarly though, if I was unemployed or homeless and I did hear someone complain about these things I probably wouldn't tell them to be grateful for what they have as I wouldn't want to discredit or diminish their experience.

    I am sorry that the OP is experiencing disappointment at a time that I imagine she was hoping would be quite exciting. I can also understand why this topic may hit a nerve for some people and in particular those such as myself who are struggling to have a child and my heart goes out to those experiencing these feelings as well.
    Well said!!

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