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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gentoo View Post
    Just another one wanting to reassure you OP that contrary to what some judgemental people may say from their lofty towers of self-righteousness, gender disappointment is not something you can help feeling, nor should you feel ashamed of it. Everyone goes into TTC with ideas about how their future will look, and what their child will be like. And when the reality turns out to be the opposite, it can take a while to get your head around it and build a new picture of your future.

    I desperately wanted a girl both times and - you guessed it - ended up with two boys. Both were confirmed early by NIPT and, like you, I initially held out hope that there was the slightest chance they were wrong. But as others have said, with time you get used to the idea and start getting excited again. And when they arrive, you love them regardless of gender. I''ll always be a little sad that I didn't get my little girl, but in no way am I sad about having my two boys.

    Give yourself time to process it, and don't pay attention to anyone who tells you that your feelings aren't legitimate.
    The point buttery baby was raising is a valid one. You might sit from your "lofty tower" and say I wish I had a boy/girl woh is me if you don't get what you want. There are other people out there spending thousands of dollars to get one baby. Any baby. So to call anyone that comes from it from that angle is self righteous is disgusting.

  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by magicmashie View Post
    The point buttery baby was raising is a valid one. You might sit from your "lofty tower" and say I wish I had a boy/girl woh is me if you don't get what you want. There are other people out there spending thousands of dollars to get one baby. Any baby. So to call anyone that comes from it from that angle is self righteous is disgusting.
    One person's sadness at not having a child doesn't make another person's sadness at not having the gender of child they'd always envisaged any less real or any less valid. Is one probably a deeper sadness? For sure - it would be heartbreaking to not have a child when you want one. But that doesn't mean that someone suffering gender disappointment has no right to feel sad and should just shut up and pretend otherwise. Everyone is entitled to grieve the particular sadnesses they feel, without having to feel guilty for it.

    Telling the OP what she is and isn't allowed to feel is judgemental and unhelpful.
    Last edited by Gentoo; 03-05-2017 at 10:54.

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  4. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by GingerKat View Post
    Some of the PPs who said "why do you want a boy?" well why wouldn't she? They are awesome. The fact that you have 2 girls and are hoping for a 3rd girl makes me think that perhaps you would get GD if you found out you were having a boy as you seem to have a preference for girls? Don't get me wrong, girls are fabulous too, I have one girl and two boys and love them all equally, but parenting boys vs girls is so different, it depends what you invisage for your life and that's where GD can creep in.
    The only reason I asked OP if there was any reason she particularly wanted a boy is to see if she was coming from the perspective of already having girls and wanting a boy as I have some experience in that area and could offer more specific advice. I didn't mean it to come across as judgmental. As I said gender disappointment is a real thing and everyone is entitle to experience their own feelings and emotions. I didn't see anyone saying there's anything wrong with having boys. Can't a person express their happiness at having only girls without that being interpreted as having a dig at boys? Yes there have been some offensive things said in this thread but I don't think PinkPrint or I have said anything remotely offensive.

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  6. #24
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    Default Hahaha

    OMG all I was asking was if scans can be wrong. If I have a girl I will love it just as much as if I had a boy. I have two girls had a miscarriage and now have a little girl due. Thank you to those that have said lovely words and to hell with use that have said nasty things.

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  8. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gentoo View Post
    One person's sadness at not having a child doesn't make another person's sadness at not having the gender of child they'd always envisaged any less real or any less valid. Is one probably a deeper sadness? For sure - it would be heartbreaking to not have a child when you want one. But that doesn't mean that someone suffering gender disappointment has no right to feel sad and should just shut up and pretend otherwise. Everyone is entitled to grieve the particular sadnesses they feel, without having to feel guilty for it.

    Telling the OP what she is and isn't allowed to feel is judgemental and unhelpful.
    Calling people judgemental and self righteous when they speak about infertility is not helpful either. There is no need for it. It's because people in those shoes can't quite fathom the gender disappointment "issue".

    God have some compassion and don't call other women judgemental and self righteous when they say any baby is a blessing because it is!

  9. #26
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    This seems like a cycle of people calling other people self righteous for calling someone else self righteous.

    It all started because some people were quite nasty in the way they were saying OP should basically get over it.

    Just because they can't understand her feelings, doesn't mean that shouldn't be empathetic to her.

    That's what this boils down to,

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  11. #27
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    There is nothing wrong with sayibg you cant understand where someone is coming from. But you still need to show respect to the person that may be having a hard time with how they are feeling.

    I went through fertility issues AND had slight gender disappointment, I had to grieve for the loss of not having two girls. Doesn't mean Im not grateful for my ds or for finally having a child.

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  13. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by magicmashie View Post
    Calling people judgemental and self righteous when they speak about infertility is not helpful either. There is no need for it. It's because people in those shoes can't quite fathom the gender disappointment "issue".

    God have some compassion and don't call other women judgemental and self righteous when they say any baby is a blessing because it is!
    Rubbish. Of course they can fathom gender disappointment. Just because you (or a couple of other commenters) can't, doesn't mean you speak for everyone.

    We TTC'd for almost 3 years and went through a few rounds of IVF to have our bub. Both DH and I hoped it would be a boy. No real reason for that, it's just what we hoped. When we found out we were having a girl we both felt some disappointment. It took several conversations over a few weeks and a whole mindset change before we started to really look forward to having our girl. We adore her now and, in actual fact, we both kind of hope if we have another we'll get another girl.

    It's easy to stand back and say "I wouldn't experience that because I am just grateful for what I get" when you actually don't mind what you get, but for some people that's not the way it works. We were incredibly grateful to be finally having a baby and of course we were always going to love whichever gender we had, but at first, we had a slight preference towards one gender over the other. So what, that means diddly squat in relation to how much of a blessing we thought our baby was

    It's not self righteous to say every baby is a blessing, but telling someone they shouldn't feel the way they feel and insinuating they're selfish because of the way they feel is.

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  15. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by HillDweller View Post
    Rubbish. Of course they can fathom gender disappointment. Just because you (or a couple of other commenters) can't, doesn't mean you speak for everyone.

    We TTC'd for almost 3 years and went through a few rounds of IVF to have our bub. Both DH and I hoped it would be a boy. No real reason for that, it's just what we hoped. When we found out we were having a girl we both felt some disappointment. It took several conversations over a few weeks and a whole mindset change before we started to really look forward to having our girl. We adore her now and, in actual fact, we both kind of hope if we have another we'll get another girl.

    It's easy to stand back and say "I wouldn't experience that because I am just grateful for what I get" when you actually don't mind what you get, but for some people that's not the way it works. We were incredibly grateful to be finally having a baby and of course we were always going to love whichever gender we had, but at first, we had a slight preference towards one gender over the other. So what, that means diddly squat in relation to how much of a blessing we thought our baby was

    It's not self righteous to say every baby is a blessing, but telling someone they shouldn't feel the way they feel and insinuating they're selfish because of the way they feel is.
    You must have had more than a "slight preference" if it took you a few weeks, several conversations and a whole mindset change before you could even look forward to having your girl.

    Just making the point that people should try being in other people's shoes before they say they are sitting in their lofty towers judging others as it was put

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    Default Been told girl at 20 week scan wanting a boy

    Quote Originally Posted by magicmashie View Post
    You must have had more than a "slight preference" if it took you a few weeks, several conversations and a whole mindset change before you could even look forward to having your girl.

    Just making the point that people should try being in other people's shoes before they say they are sitting in their lofty towers judging others as it was put

    Actually no, it doesn't mean anything. I don't accept change easily, including change of an idea I had about how something was going to be. It took me several weeks to not be disappointed about not getting the colour car I wanted too. Again, just because you don't feel a certain way, doesn't mean everyone else feels the same or processes feelings the same.

    Pretty sure the person unable to 'put themselves in other people's shoes' here is you.
    Last edited by HillDweller; 03-05-2017 at 15:12.

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